[ SECRET POST #2088 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2088 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #298.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Help please? I don't even know what to call this.

[anonymouslyyours]

"safety and permanence" Just the thought of it makes my skin crawl because it's something else that can be taken away and if I let myself get used to it I'd lose the only advantage I have and I remember how long and how hard it was to get to where I am now that I cannot imagine having to start all over again.

"I think it's worse when I'm not struggling" Makes complete sense to me. It feels like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop and trying to prepare for it. When something awful does happen it's a relief because I can identify what I need to be doing to fix the problem.

Re: Help please? I don't even know what to call this.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. Yes to all of this.
I have such a hard time switching off when I'm in situations where I should be comfortable and happy. I try not to get attached, but if I do, it's too late to do anything about it. Then I have to sort of grit my teeth and wait for the inevitable fuckery to start. I would like to think it's paranoia, but it can't be. I get pep talks about my negativity, but I don't want to be optimistic when it never works out well in the end. I'd rather be prepared.

Whenever there's an atmosphere of excitement or happiness, I'm all "nope. NOPE." which is why my friends start calling me Scrooge around the holiday season.

I kind of enjoy being able to keep my thoughts straight when everything goes to hell. If I can't be all that fun to be around, at least I can be useful in a crisis.

Re: Help please? I don't even know what to call this.

[anonymouslyyours]

Relationships are easier for me when things are going wrong because I'm given more opportunity to "prove" my worth.

I personally think I'm a very positive person. I make a concerted effort to enjoy small moments instead of fixating on what I don't have but people around me say that it's "depressing" and "sad". When my friends are sharing childhood stories and I contribute with one or two of my own that aren't happy by other people's standards they will express pity and it infuriates me. I don't have many happy memories why do they feel the need to take away the ones I do have and make it clear how sucky things were for me?

And I don't see what's so inherently wrong with keeping low or no expectations. If something great happens then fabulous but if it doesn't work out or something bad happens then I wasn't invested and no big loss.

Re: Help please? I don't even know what to call this.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh god. The pity thing. I can't share anything about my childhood either without people giving me this D: face. Sometimes I want to talk about my family and friends from back then just to contribute something, and because I like talking about them now. People's reactions when they realise the people I'm talking about are all dead just sometimes throws me.
I have those happy memories or I can share bad ones involving living people. The choice seems natural to me.

I'm open to good things happening, too. They do sometimes, and it's nice to be surprised. I just don't want to wait for them.

I am pretty bad at the normal side of relationships. I really do try, but it just doesn't come as easily to me to figure out what people want rather than what they need.