[ SECRET POST #2095 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2095 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #299.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

that reminds me of the older-than-dirt joke

[(Anonymous)]

Buddy's house os in a floodplain. The basement fills up, he prays loudly, with hands outstretched to the heavens, "O Lord, save me!" The next floor fills up, Buddy hangs out the second floor window, and prays loudly, "O Lord, save me!" (Don't worry, this joke isn't THAT long, Buddy lives in a two-storey house, see.)

Finally, Buddy reaches the roof and does the whole beseeching, imploring of the heavens with shaking fists and trembling lips as the water reaches his ankles, "O LORD THOU GREAT AND MERCIFUL GOD SAVE ME!" Lightning cracks around him, sizzling hydro poles and barely missing Buddy's balding head.

Buddy's former next-door neighbour comes along in a dinghy.

"Hey, Buddy. You want a lift?"

"No, for the Lord shall save me!" The water is up to his waist now. A speedboat roars past, then makes a full turn around Buddy's house and slams to a stop right beside him.

"Hop in! We'll take you to the nearest emergency relief centre!"

"No, I am waiting for the Lord to save me!" Speedboat driver shrugs.

"Suit yourself."

The water is up to Buddy's shoulders by this point. A Search-and-Rescue chopper hovers above him, spotlights, the whole nine yards (This is a flood story. Obviously it's pitch-black and pouring rain! OK, I'll go back and add that bit. "Lightning cracks around him....") The paratrooper is lowered down by a rope, with an extra harness for Buddy. He holds out his hand to Buddy.

"Grab my hand! It's not to late to save yourself!"

"NO I AM WAITING FOR THE LORD TO SAVE ME!" Which prove to be Buddy's last words.

Cue the harps-and-haloes Standard Heavenly Set from Central Casting. Buddy falls before the mercy seat of the Lord. "Lord, Lord, all my life, I have been your true and faithful servant, waiting on you for everything that I ever needed, letting the day take care of itself...."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, can you get to the point? Lucifer's got another candidate he swears up and down is 'the next Job' and I really do have to rein him in this time. I still haven't finished the paperwork from creating a new house, family, and riches, from the waste and the void. Such paperwork, I never should have made Gabe head of Administration and Bureaucratic Affairs....all right, what do you WANT?"

"Lord," Buddy asks in fear and trembling. "When I prayed to You in my distress, why didn't you save me??

"Eh? Oy vey! What more do you want? I sent a dinghy, a speedboat, and Search and Rescue!"

(Note for any who may be offended, the nonny posting this joke is also religious.)