Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-09-28 06:46 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-09-28 06:46 pm
[ SECRET POST #2096 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2096 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
01.
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02.
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03.
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04. http://i.imgur.com/KENos.png
[True Blood; sort of porny, illustrated ... choking and spanking or something?]
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05.
[Koi Kaze; Freefall]
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06.
[Suits]
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07.
[A Song of Ice and Fire]
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08.
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09.
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10.
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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
11. [SPOILERS for Doctor Who]
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12. [SPOILERS for A Song of Ice and Fire]
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13. [SPOILERS for the Stand]
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14. [SPOILERS for Teen Wolf]
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15. [SPOILERS for Shin Megami Tensei IV]
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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]
16. [WARNING for self-harm]
[bogglelovesyou@tumblr]
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17. [WARNING for attempted suicide and depression]
[The Walking Dead]
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18. [WARNING for suicide]
Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #299.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Friendship help
(Anonymous) 2012-09-29 08:17 pm (UTC)(link)Your friend sounds an awful lot like me when I went to university (and still am, to some degree): into relatively obscure/old-fashioned/nerdy stuff; "the quiet one"; "hard to read".
The avoiding/cancelling out of social gatherings, cutting off social ties, and quiet, awkward "make-up" get-togethers also sounds similar to myself rather early at university when I was very, very depressed (and also still am, to some degree). Initiation of conversation and eye contact might be shyness -- even at my most confident, it's something I have to consciously will out of myself -- though I know both also went very far down for me at that time, too. I don't want to Internet-diagnose, but depression was the first thing that came to mind on reading your post.
otoh, quietness and stoicness is something more cultural for myself (I was taught to not call attention to strong emotions, and politeness being partnered with reservedness). And not inviting people over or having birthday parties, to me, seems more like introversion.
When people made social efforts for me when my efforts really were nil (talking to me, inviting me places, etc. ), and they weren't condescending (I had people talk about me in third person when I was there about taking me out of my shell, or laughing about how hi-larious it would be if I got drunk, and so forth), it made a huge, positive difference. Again, my mindset was terrible, so I feel like I never fully reciprocated back then (I would think "whatever I do, they'll hate it/be bored/do it just out of pity", especially if it's something not popular or mainstream), but even something as small as joining me for a meal or acknowledging me directly kept me hanging together.
From the more shy/introverted angle, it also helped when people invited me to things that they were definitely interested in themselves and didn't require a lot of talk, either because it was passive-ish -- seeing a film -- or they did the talking. Because, even though I was quiet, it kept me from analyzing everything they said, trying to figure out if their interest was genuine, rather than pity, politeness, or anything else... So maybe, too, your friend is doing the same over-analysis and worry?
I hope there's something helpful in there. fwiw, I don't think she would have made the effort to invite you to the film in any case if she didn't want you as a friend on some level, especially since it came "out of the blue" (if she is extremely averse to social gatherings for whatever reason, it likely didn't come out of the blue for her, but was something she was thinking about for a while).
Re: Friendship help
(Anonymous) 2012-09-29 08:31 pm (UTC)(link)One other thing, on re-reading some of the earlier replies: I had, at some point, to learn to make more, er, expressive expressions, because yeah, slurs and bullying make one learn to poker-face a lot. It genuinely surprised me when people told me, later on, how difficult I was to read.