[ SECRET POST #2099 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2099 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 085 secrets from Secret Submission Post #300.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - pretty much unreadable ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Asexual questions?

[(Anonymous)]

So I'm doing the whole trying to work myself out thing and I was wondering a couple of things

How do you tell if you're asexual?
(Because I do generally enjoy masturbation and I have wanted to kiss people a couple of times but I range from no interest in actual sex to sometimes I am outright uncomfortable at the idea. But then I'm a virgin so maybe I could enjoy it? idk, I haven't enjoyed any kisses so far, except for ones on the forehead)

and, well, are other people worried about dramatically living and dying alone?

OP Asexual questions?

[(Anonymous)]

and by living and dying alone, i'm kind of scared there's something wrong with me so no-one will be interested in loving me minus sexual activities? i mean, hugs are nice i guess.

Re: Asexual questions?

[caecilia]

To be honest, yeah, sometimes I am worried about being alone. I think everyone does sometimes. But I try not to let it cause me too much anxiety because hey, there's a life that I need to be living!

Don't worry about labeling yourself. You are who you are and you like what you like.

There's nothing wrong with you. If your main concern is people wanting sex, be more discriminating when you choose who to date. If someone tells you they believe sex is absolutely necessary for a relationship, they're not good enough for you. And if someone says your inexperience/curiosity is a dealbreaker for them, they're not good enough for you. It takes effort, time, and open communication. In the meantime, just enjoy life and take care of yourself.

Re: Asexual questions?

[(Anonymous)]

No one can answer that question for you. However, I would warn you not to be too quick to apply labels to yourself. If you feel you have limited interest in sex, maybe it means you're asexual. But maybe it just means you're not ready to have sex. Some people develop an interest in sex later than others, some people never do, but don't limit yourself by deciding upfront that because you're not interested in sex now, you never will be.

(Full disclosure, I was totally uninterested in having sex until I was about eighteen. Then I got curious, so I tried it. It was a pleasurable experience, but I continued to be mostly uninterested and didn't have much of a sex life until I was 24. Now, I fully enjoy my active sex life.)

Re: Asexual questions?

[pantswarrior]

Yeah, going with everyone else here who's saying you are who you are, don't worry too much about labels. Maybe you're ace, maybe not, but it doesn't matter so much as long as you do what you feel is right and don't let yourself be pressured into anything. "Asexual" is a useful word for explaining to other people in a quick fashion, but only you can decide if it fits. (Some asexuals do enjoy kissing and even masturbation, by the way. I'm not myself one of them, and in fact I figured out I was asexual when my friends were discussing masturbation and I suddenly realized that most people actually DO masturbate, when there I was at 25 years old thinking it was just something people joked about and never actually did. Hahah. But lots of asexuals apparently do too, it's just that their sexual arousal isn't about people, it's just a physical impulse. Some have described it like an itch that needs scratching.)

As for living and dying alone, I assumed I would, but I wasn't afraid of it, because I'm the most introverted person most people I know have ever met. I was cool with living without romances, with just my small circle of very close friends and a ton of fun, more casual friendships in fandom (many of which I now count as close friendships because we've known each other for like ten years now). Because who would ever get into a relationship with someone who would never be interested in sex with them, right?

Then 8 years ago, one of those fandom friends that I'd gradually grown close to replied to that statement with something like "Well, I'd be fine with that, actually." We've been living together for 6 years now, engaged for a couple more (no same-sex marriage where we live, but we're holding out hope), registered as domestic partners, own a car and are buying a house together, and she's been supporting me through an extended period of illness for over a year now... So take it from me, asexuality does not mean you are going to be alone, or that you can't have romance. Whether you're ace, or just have a low sex drive, or just haven't developed one yet, there are plenty of possibilities.

Re: Asexual questions?

[(Anonymous)]

To me asexual means I don't really think about sex or wanting sex. I do masturbate and enjoy reading and watching porn but it's never in a fantasy way, I just...like it. I never actually want to do anything I read about or watch and never really think about it in those terms.

Re: Asexual questions?

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe I'm too late, but I disagree about not labelling yourself. Well, I mean, don't feel like you absolutely MUST have a definite label. But if asexual is a word/concept that makes you go "That's me!" then use it. If you realize later that it doesn't describe you after all, stop using it. Just my two cents.