fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2104 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2104 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Lived without both electricity and water simultaneously, other times just without electricity or just without water.

Never had air conditioning or heating outside of a woodstove, which I don't really think are necessities but people get pretty weird and appalled over it. Maybe because it gets up to 100+ in the summer here?

There have been times that we had to pinch pretty hard to stay somewhat fed but I've never actively went hungry for a period of time excepting "purifying" fasts done for religious reasons or punishment/atonement.

I don't think I've had it that bad situationally speaking. I was never actually kicked out or homeless at any point.

People judge you for not having access to running water? WTAF? What kind of people do you know?

I dunno about people and their AC, man. They get weirdly fixated on it. I never had it until I went to a foreign country and my apt was equipped with it.

That sounds like some straight up hardcore old fashioned type of disciplining/religious stuff, man.

I've never been homeless either, but the home I've lived in for most of my life wasn't much more than a roof over my head. It's 200+ years old, and the state it's in, if I lived in a place that did zoning laws, it would have been condemned. Or my parents would have been arrested for child abuse for raising their kids there.

Yeah, I dunno. As you can see upthread, while most people have had some kind of exposure to short time deprivation, they don't usually go through extended periods of it. So they don't quite grasp that everybody can't just get away from it, or fix it.

The worst of being judged happened when I was younger, and in my school. People liked poor-shaming. You must be stupid/lazy/worthless if you can't get the necessities to bathe, etc.

I dunno about people and their AC, man. They get weirdly fixated on it.

Maybe because there are places where it's fucking unbearable to go outside in the heat? Your oppression olympics are getting annoying.

And there are some people, me included, who have to live in that kind of heat, but with no money to buy AC. Amazing, isn't it.

You don't like what I'm saying, then go somewhere else where you don't feel you're being subjected to it. I'm not forcing you to stay here.

nayrt
You do realize that what it seems you basically keep saying is that no one else's experiences count, no one else has ever suffered like you have suffered, right? Because that's really what it's coming off as, and that might be why you have trouble holding conversations with other people. Telling another person his/her POV doesn't count is a sure way of killing discussion. I don't doubt that your life has been rough, but you don't have a monopoly on poverty. I'm a child of the Mississippi Delta myself.

I realize that I've been coming at this in the completely wrong way, and I've been operating under a wrong set of ideas.

My aim wasn't to discount or diminish anyone or their feelings about their experiences, but the way I've been going about questioning was wrong. I am sorry that I offended you and others.

I've been trying to separate hardship in general from long term deprivation. I have learned that pretty much everyone has gone through some kind of hardship, and that's instructive for me. My further responses were trying to clarify my original point, not diminish others' experiences, by trying to distinguish general, short term hardship from long term poverty and deprivation.

Again, I'm really sorry, and I'm honestly not trying to win the oppression olympics.

I can't speak for anyone else, but from my own personal experience: When I was a kid we didn't have functioning AC till I was about 10 or 11. I didn't consider it being deprived, I still don't it was my childhood. I spent nearly my entire summers outside as a kid anyway, we had a hose in the yard, we had a creek, I never noticed. Not having electricity in winter was much bigger deal.

The thing is after we got it I'd gotten used having AC. After I was on my own and my AC died on me, when it got to the upper 90's, 100+ degree weather if I wasn't in my bedroom with the door shut I got physically ill. I had to get myself used to not having AC again so I could get stuff I needed to do done, and not get sick, Not having AC became a very big deal for me in a way it never would have when I was a kid.

Whether other people went through what I did or not after losing their AC I can very easily understand why it would be a very big deal to them.

I'm sorry to hear that you got sick, and I definitely understand why it would be a big deal to you. That particular comment was made in light-hearted commiseration, rather than a sense of snide judgment.

I am sorry that my comments have sounded like I was judging people. This was never my intentions, nor was it to play oppression olympics or prove that I had it worse than other people. I should have framed it differently, and all I can do now is apologize in retrospect for my carelessness.

My intent was never to discard other peoples' experiences or feelings during them. When I was providing examples, I was trying, rather poorly, to clarify the kind of situation I meant. Namely, I was trying to figure out how many people have had experiences with long term poverty and deprivation, rather than short term hardship or deprivation.

Any kind of hardship or deprivation is scary and hard to deal with, and I've never wanted to discount that or peoples' feelings. I realize I went about it in a fundamentally wrong way, and I should have phrased it differently.

I really am sorry.

Based on your original post it sounded like you were being actively judged by adults now. Glad to hear it's mostly over but sorry that it happened!

Grew up in a cult so... yeah.

Honestly all the difficulties growing up had little impact and felt normal until I had something to compare it to. Not having electricity wasn't a big deal, as a child it was kind of exciting at first. The worst part of not having running water was the times I didn't know when it could be fixed or if it ever would. Set periods of time are a lot easier to handle. And I actually prefer not having A.C. I'm always cold when visiting other people who do have it.

I'm still living in a place that would be condemned/CPS would intervene if they this place was inspected. Which is why we're very careful about not having company over. Thankfully we're finally able to be working on getting out and shouldn't be here much longer.

I've learned not to bring it up, but if I have to to make a point, people get weird about admitting that people, even here in the US, don't have access to the things they take for granted.

I was going to call cult, because that's pretty common in my area too, and how a lot of people in there live, too, but I didn't want to project.

Yeah, I hear you on feeling like shit when not knowing if/when it can be fixed. My area is notorious for a very slow response from the electric company, so my parents wouldn't even call the company to ask when it would be on, because it would normally be days after they said so. And normally it would shut off again after a few hours of operation.

I'm glad you can get out of there! My parents still live there, and I go home to help out when I can, so I still live there, too, sometimes. I think it's partly why my parents never let me have friends over, because they didn't want them telling their own parents the kind of stuff we lived in.

<3 Glad you and your family will be in a safer place soon.

[ SECRET POST #2104 ]

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