case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2012-10-08 06:30 pm

[ SECRET POST #2106 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2106 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 085 secrets from Secret Submission Post #301.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - way too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - secret posted as text ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
stainless: Megatron and Starscream standing in wreckage, reads ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US (Default)

(frozen comment)

[personal profile] stainless 2012-10-09 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
I feel the same. I mean, I do think that relationships involve compromise. But like, if someone told me "I'm gay, but I love my wife, so I fuck her" my reaction wouldn't be "Ah yes, orientation and behavior can differ! And you're so kind!" It would be "Uh, maybe there's something you're not dealing with here."

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(Anonymous) 2012-10-09 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
da

Well...asexuals don't really have much of a choice. There's not many out there that fit whatever personality, gender, and place you might need. So a non-asexual/asexual pairing can happen, since romantic-orientation still fits. There's gonna have to be compromise regardless, but best case would be a low libido non-ace with a non sex repulsed ace.

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(Anonymous) 2012-10-09 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
"Well...asexuals don't really have much of a choice."

But why can't they just tell their partner "I'm asexual, and this is how I feel about..." and then ask the partner, to respect how they are about sex.

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(Anonymous) 2012-10-09 01:24 am (UTC)(link)
Because it's still compromise? The non-asexual person would have to give up sex then, and that's not very fair to them either. Some asexuals are sex indifferent and can enjoy it to an extent. Some non asexuals don't need sex. Depends on what the individual couple wants to do.

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(Anonymous) 2012-10-09 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
I'm in this kind of relationship with my boyfriend now. I'm asexual and sex-repulsed, and he respects that and loves me enough not to push it.
And it makes me fucking miserable.
Knowing that there's something I can't give him that any other girl could is awful. On top of not experienceing sexual attraction, I have no libido and I find the idea of me, personally, having sex disgusting. If I weren't so repulsed by sex I would have sex with him because I love him and want to make him happy. I mean, I would probably be really bored but if we had the TV on it'd be okay. Can you watch TV while having sex? I know that if I wasn't so repulsed by it, I would be able to have sex no problem. You don't have to enjoy something to do it - I don't enjoy homework but I do that every damned night.
He is my first boyfriend and probably my last. I like having a romantic partner but this feeling of guilt and inadequacy when it comes to the sexual is horrible. I've even near-begged him to have sex with other women at times. Relationships are about compromise but asking him to compromise to this degree feels selfish. Even though he thinks he's happy right now just to be with me non-sexually, I know he could be happier and that's enough to upset me. I feel like, ultimately, I've wasted the past year and a half of his life by pretty much forcing him to be celibate and I'm wasting more of his time because I won't break up with him because, again, I don't want him to be unhappy.
If it were possible for me to compromise on this I would, without a second's thought.
elephantinegrace: (Default)

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[personal profile] elephantinegrace 2012-10-09 02:37 am (UTC)(link)
I've been there.

I've gotten him off before, but it's never been reciprocal, and we managed to make it work until he moved to another country.