fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2107 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2107 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[gravity falls]

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[Kuroko no Basket]

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[World of Warcraft]

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[Batman: Arkham City]

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[Blake's 7]

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[Sherlock (2002)]

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[Beelzebub]

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[Kuroko no Basuke]

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[Tonari no Kaibutsu-kun]

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[Spec Ops: The Line]

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[Supernatural]

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[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]

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[Legend of Korra]

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[Community]

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[The Good Guy]

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[Journey Into Mystery 2011]

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[Rune Factory 3]

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[Journey]

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[South Park]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 065 secrets from Secret Submission Post #301.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey so I thought I'd post this on F!S since it's kind of "anon".

Yesterday I realized that the reason I'm 20 and haven't been in any kind of serious relationship yet is because I'm afraid.Part of this has to do with my perfectionism.

I'm afraid of the messiness of being in a relationship with someone else. I'm afraid of doing something wrong and making a mistake. I'm afraid of trusting someone else; that once they really get to know me they'll run screaming in the other direction. I'm afraid they'll try to control me or ask for things I can't give them.

For those of you more wise in the ways of the world - how do I get over this?

Is there a switch I can just press to make me less whiny and neurotic?
How the hell do you trust people?

The relationships you have with people are by nature going to be messy and fucked up. Accept this. Sitting around alone and being scared never got anyone anywhere.

Be choosy with who you date: only date people who treat you (and more importantly, others) well. If you are picky your relationships will likely be less thorny than ,say, someone who continually goes after abusive bad boys.

And if they get to know you and run away screaming then you'll just have to accept that they're not the one. There is someone for everyone, and if you are choosy and surround yourself with kind people you will easily find someone who will accept you for who you are.

And look on the bright side: dating as a teenager is fucking awful. Teenagers are crazy, horny, emotionally confused human beings and they have no fucking clue how to treat other people decently. You escaped dating that, you lucky human being. Revel in it, and go find someone to kiss and stuff.

I'm kinda like you and both my "real" relationships have started as friendship and just naturally progressed from there, I think I've been to one date in my life (like a year into our relationship...) and the only reason to why I ended up in the relationships was for one of them; it seemed like the natural progression of our friendship and the other was kinda a summer fling thing (he was the big brother of one if my friends and I'd know him for some years) and well I was horny and I saw no reason to break up with him at that point, I did six months later though, and like six months after that we had a lot of (not that great) no strings attached sex...

In my longest relationship we did accept each other and knew about our respective faults and so on before we even thought of romance, years of talking to each other about our lives and how fucked up we was. (And it might have helped that it started out online and not through a dating site, just two random people on a random music site)

What I'm trying to say is that really I don't have an answer for you and if you figure out how to trust someone completely do tell! Because I can do relationship things and be faithfull and whatever, I just don't like other people taking care of me, or trying to help me really or be my backup/better half or fix anything, and I get annoyed and i dont like talking about my feelings and on top of that who would put up with my family and understand why I put up with them without judging or feeling sorry for me.

Oh one advice, don't rush it and just roll with the punches and hopefully you'll get there in the end.

Welp, I'm 29, have never had a serious relationship, and the one person I dated started out as a friend and... really just sort of stayed there.

So I have no helpful advice, but don't feel too pathetic.

As others have said, being careful who you date can help you avoid a lot of problems. If there's someone in your friendship group who you like, its actually really good to keep an eye on how they treat other people, and how others respond to them. During this time when you're not dating but are interested in someone, you can learn a lot about their personality by observing them. (this sounds a bit creepy but I mean in a subtle, non-stalkerish way!) Because they may not be aware you're interested, they're not going to be on their best behaviour or trying to impress you.

This advince kinda seems like a no-brainer, but I've seen a lot of people jump right into dating someone before getting to know them, and after a months or so personality traits they didn't like started coming out.

As far as your other worries, I think when you find someone you really click with, the trust thing might come naturally rather than be a concious deicision. Also, sometimes you just have to take risks and throw yourself into these things if you think you're overly cautious, and if things do go to shit, you can learn something about other people and about yourself.
Sorry if this seems really contradictory or clichéd.

[ SECRET POST #2107 ]

relationship stuff, TMI for whining

Re: relationship stuff, TMI for whining

Re: relationship stuff, TMI for whining

Re: relationship stuff, TMI for whining

Re: relationship stuff, TMI for whining