fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2112 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2112 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Inspired by the post above and watching Pitch Perfect I guess. I've tried to get involved with people and date, but it always feels like pulling teeth. I'm always the one who had to initiate things until finally I just gave up because it felt like they didn't care enough to pursue anything. It's not like I called all the time or smothered them either, about 2 - 3 per week because I get busy with other things in life too. But the people I dated never gave me a hint either way.

This is turning into a pity party, but for once I would just like someone who wants to be with me, who will call me sometimes instead of me always calling them, and tries to make an effort. I'm starting to get really bummed out that I'll never find someone like that.

Aw, anon, I'm sorry to hear that. A friend of mine recently went through something similar with a guy she worked with. He kept telling his friends that he preferred for a girl to be the one to initiate things since he has never really dated (and then one of our friends reported that info back to my friend, hehe), but my friend got fed up doing all the work. I can totally understand. I'd want a guy to make the first move sometimes. He doesn't always have to, but when I'm doing all the work I get the feeling he's not interested. A relationship does take a lot of work, but both people need to work on it.

But back to you, I hope you have better luck in the relationships department. You just haven't met the right person. I think you should approach dating with a more casual mind. Just date a few people, get a feel of what it's like to go on a date. That way you don't worry about whether or not a person really likes you or not, and if you don't get a call back from them you don't feel so bummed out about it. And then, maybe you will finally meet the one who matters, the "special" person who changes your life. Everyone isn't meant to find their "life partner" in the first person they date (even though it happened to my older sister).

Yeah, I dont' think it's so much if the girl or guy is the one that opens the door... but once you step through into relationshipland, BOTH people need to work at it. No matter who starts it.

I feel the same way sometimes.

Like right now.

Some people are very, very passive partners. They are pure reactors and never instigators. Likewise, there are some people who are all action, all the time. Most people tend to be in the middle though, I think.

I've dated both types of people; a completely passive person who'd never instigate, which I found totally frustrating. And a very aggressive person who I found to be rather smothering.

You just need to find a nice partner that's balanced and rounded. And you will, someday, you may have to go through some sloths (and even some clingers), but a nice person will come along eventually. :)

Man, I turn very clingy when I'm dating a passive person. It's not a good situation for me.

DA but...I feel you there in some respects. I start to get really insecure and think the passive person doesn't care, or is annoyed with me and won't say anything, or is looking around for other people but doesn't have the balls to come out and say that they want to be with someone else. So I give up. ):

I tend to fall for people that will never be interested in me. Being both shy and a lesbian isn't a terribly good combination anyway.

I guess I ought to go out more, but I feel weird going somewhere specifically to meet potential girlfriends. I'd love for something to develop from everyday life, but I probably ought to accept that that just isn't going to happen.

And it feels really strange to see the people around me start getting married while I've never even been in a relationship.

/pity party/

[ SECRET POST #2112 ]

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