[ SECRET POST #2114 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2114 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 061 secrets from Secret Submission Post #302.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - unreadable ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

Would you mind explaining this?

I had both as a child (from different parents) and from the perspective of the one being hit, they seemed pretty much the same to me.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[intrigueing]

I can't say anything with authority, or say whether either is morally justified, but I think it's pretty damn clear that when your parent calmly tells you to come over to them, tells you what you did wrong and that you're going to be punsihed, and spanks/canes/whatever you X number of times, it's very different from your parent spontaneously slapping you in the face or something in a fit of uncontrolled anger in retaliation for you pissing them off.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

Getting hit in anger is unpredictable. You never know when it is coming or how long you will be hit for. It is not something you can avoid unless you are never around the person who hits you in anger. You can try to manipulate the mood of the angry person, hoping that he or she will not hit you again, but you can't guarantee that you will not be hit again.

Corporal punishment is structured. Bad thing=x number of hits. It is avoidable as long as you don't do the bad thing. If you do the bad thing, you know the exact form of punishment that is coming. It is not something that you can wiggle out of. Once it is enforced, the punishment is over and it will not happen again unless you do the bad thing again. The bad thing=x number of hits is a rule that previous arranged people can enforce, like theft=fines or assault causing serious bodily harm=jail time.

For me, getting hit in anger makes me afraid of the person hitting me. Getting punished for doing bad things make me weigh the consequences and think about the benefits of doing the bad thing.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe it's just because I have a developmental disability, but corporal punishment was pretty much unpredictable to me. There seemed to be rules, but they never explained them in a way that I could understand or how the 'bad' things were different from similar-to-me things that weren't punished. And because I didn't have a real sense at that point of what was and wasn't 'bad', I had no way to make the hitting stop happening.

If anything, being hit in anger was easier for me to predict and avoid. At least with that I could read their mood and just give them time and space until they cooled down. And when they did hit, they were always sorry afterwards. The parent who did the corporal punishment, the one whose hitting was the most random and frighting to me, they felt no guilt at all, no matter how afraid of them I was.

Re: Punishing kids (trigger warning)

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry you had bad experiences with corporal punishment. It doesn't matter if you have a developmental disability or not, the rules should be crystal clear. The punishment should happen because the rule was broken delibrately or because it was forgotten, not because the rule wasn't understood.

This reminds me of a story. A family moved to a new house and the father asked his young son to help him get rid of pebbles in their law. The son said he couldn't do it. The father asked again and the son still refused. The father became upset and the son started crying. Finally, the father asked why his son couldn't help him pick out pebbles in their law and the son answered, "because they're rocks!"

Good communications is important. Undestanding is important. Corporal punishment should never be random and frightening. I'm sorry your family did not make sure you understood the rules.