[ SECRET POST #2120 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2120 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 069 secrets from Secret Submission Post #303.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random image ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh, I was in a friendship that was exactly like this. If I even dared to go talk to someone else about anything I was abandoning her, cheating on her. She would repeatedly keep falling in love with me and I'd have to insist that she put those feelings aside because I didn't feel the same way. If I didn't text her back right away I was making her feel like shit.

It was totally unhealthy, and in a way abusive and finally I just had to end it. I do miss her as a friend sometimes, but I sure as hell wouldn't go back to her.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt

I've been wondering, honestly, if I'm going to need to do the same thing. I'd hate to, but my own emotional health is suffering drastically, and I don't know what else I can do. The problem is that I'm more or less the only person she speaks to, and I would feel like I was abandoning her. I'd suggest that we put a little space between us, but that would be just as bad to her as saying we should never speak again.

See, lol, even now I'm going around in circles and my anxiety's flaring. I'm not sure how much more of this I can really do.

[wauwy]

As an answer to your mullings: yes, you're going to have to do the same thing. It's the only way this will end.

You are not responsible for her mental health and social well-being, no matter how tragic and alone she seems to be. You CAN'T be responsible. All she's doing is draining you both. Get out now.

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh, I know it. I'm trying to tell myself that and not feel like an awful, awful, selfish person for doing it, but...I don't see any other way, really. I'm supposed to be a friend, not a possession.

Thank you for your input on this. It helps to get an outside opinion.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the anon that replied to you above. And yes, you will have to just break it off completely.

We had fought at one point and I tried to break off the friendship at that time, but then we talked and she insisted that she would change and that we'd work on our issues, that all the stuff that happened in the past was water under the bridge. Things seemed to be okay for a few days. But then a week later she reverted back to her previous behavior and I finally had enough. After a very pissy text exchange and a discussion online, I stopped talking to her completely.

I felt the same way as you do now, because she didn't have many friends and she admittedly had friend abandonment issues, but for your own mental and emotional health, you have to do it.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, that's exactly what I'm concerned about, because she's placated me before and things are usually fine for a little while, but it just keeps happening. And the fact that she openly admits that when she gets like this she twists my words around into something bad just leaves me with nothing to say. Which also isn't acceptable. So it's like...rock, hard place, etc.

I love her to death, and I don't want to have to end our friendship, but it's just...too stressful for me to try to figure out anymore. I just wish I didn't feel so guilty and selfish for feeling like this.

I'm glad to hear you came out of it all right, despite being in a similar situation. Thank you for telling me about it.

[(Anonymous)]

Urgh, the twisting the words around to suit her... Are we sure it's not the same person? Ahaha. Because she would do the exact same thing to me.

I did feel guilty for a little while, but I knew that it was the right thing to do. She eventually sent me a package along with a letter of apology, and wanted to be friends again, but the contents of the package were a little creepy. I knew then that I had made the right decision because I now had no doubt she would fall back into the same habits that she had been in before. The guilt will fade eventually, and you'll feel much better in the long run. It definitely won't be easy, but as time goes on you'll eventually be wondering why you didn't do it earlier.

Fortunately I had (and still have) another friend who was far more level-headed and had also gotten out of an emotionally abusive relationship, so she was pretty much my support when I was going through the whole thing. I hope that things do work out for you, and if telling my story helps you out, that's fantastic. I don't want other people having to suffer through what I went through.

[(Anonymous)]

Ahahaha, can you imagine if it was the same person? I'd shit bricks. Because this isn't the first time she's done this, apparently. In fact, I was the one who got her through the fallout of the last one, and at the time I thought said friend was unnecessarily harsh, but...now I think I understand where she was coming from.

I do have other friends to lean on should this plummet south further than it already has, which I'm thankful for. So I suppose I'll just have to bite the bullet and go through with it.

[(Anonymous)]

That would be so weird if it was the same person. But it would kind of make me sad too, because obviously she hadn't learned her lesson at all.

With the support of your other friends, you should be able to get through it just fine. But yeah, a clean break is probably for the best.

[(Anonymous)]

Oh man do I have some emails I'd kill to share with you guys. I had someone just like this in my life, and I can't even begin to recount the story... @_@

[(Anonymous)]

Man, I'm glad to know that I wasn't the only one who was in this situation. I mean, it's a terrible thing to go through, and it's sad that a lot of people can act like that and think that they're right to do so.

[(Anonymous)]

At least tell me yours had the decency to not wax poetic like a thirteen-year-old wannabe goth angstmuffin.

[(Anonymous)]

Hahaha, fortunately it did not. Wow, now I really want to see these emails.

[(Anonymous)]

I shouldn't post them in public. Do you have a sockpuppet account I can IM with? XD

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, I've been in a relationship like this, too. It was slightly different because there was clinginess coming from both sides, but if I'm being honest, I have to admit that I was the clingier part of the equation (although I was eventually the one to cut things off, but I think that may have been because she was afraid to, for all of the reasons you've stated about your friend). And even being the clingier part of the equation and as much as I thought I had to have that friendship there and that I couldn't be happy without it, it was making me absolutely fucking miserable. I honestly did have moments where I thought that it would be the worst thing ever if the relationship ended, but in all honesty... it wasn't. It sucks losing a friendship, and occasionally I do miss being able to talk to her, and it wasn't exactly easy at first, but I'm so much happier where I'm at now. Sometimes you do just have to say enough is enough, for your own emotional well-being as well as that of your friend. She might not agree about it now, but it will be better for both of you in the long run.

da

[(Anonymous)]

I had this problem with a friend too. She would guilt me into picking up her calls by saying she was unstable and depressed and that if I didn't pick up her calls something bad might happen. Now I'm dating someone who calls me three times in a row if I don't pick up my phone and it freaks me the fuck out because it reminds me of my old friend. I know my boyfriend isn't similarly unstable, but it just gives me really unwanted flashbacks and I have a lot of trauma from my friendship with this girl, so it's.... always a little unnerving when I see those 3 missed calls.

Re: da

[wauwy]

Yeah, that's emotionally abusive. A person threatening or hinting at violence against someone unless you give them attention is severely abusive, even and especially if the person in question is THEMSELF.

There's some official term for it, but I forget it now.

You should tell your boyfriend about this bad experience you had so he doesn't turn you off completely with his behavior.