[ SECRET POST #2137 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2137 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 015 secrets from Secret Submission Post #305.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

But the poster is saying she worked very hard to be attractive and those things are things you have to work at. I had bad skin; I found out how to control it. I didn't dress well, so I learned. I even had the bad posture thing, but I have a spinal condition, and physical therapy and fear of making it worse have enforced a better posture. And I'm definitely better-looking than I was as a teenager. More guys hit on me. People look to me for style tips. I worked at it.

And I also kind of understand the way the OP feels about it. You can tell she sort of feels guilty about it. I have some friends who are less attractive than me, and sometimes I feel sort of guilty, and I feel a little like they might disapprove. Not because I think that looks are that important, but because I enjoy being pretty and I don't mind using how pretty I am to improve my life. I even got into an argument with a friend because I was debating with myself on whether or not it was an eyeliner day (literally, I just asked out loud, "Do I want to wear eyeliner today?"), and she was upset at me because she thought I was being sexist and overly concerned with the opinions of other people. We almost never see each other. It was the one time we were in the same place while I was getting ready to go somewhere. I don't talk about my process or my style unless someone asks because I'm usually too busy. I write, I work in marketing, I make and sell jewelry as a hobby... I'm busy.

I wear eyeliner fairly often because I also have to wear glasses. Eyeliner makes my eyes show up better between my glasses. I LIKE that because my eyes are my best feature next to my hair. I want to show off a little. But we live in a world where there is this huge dividing line between 'pretty' people and 'not pretty' people. And yes, the 'not pretty' people have it so rough, but in turn, they're victimizing us all. It's just stupid. I don't get pissed off because people can do better things than me or have more money or are just better off in some way. That's their thing. And I've watched What Not to Wear pretty religiously. Some pretty unattractive people come out looking good.

Maybe some of the 'not pretty' people are jealous. Maybe some of the 'not pretty' people are just on a high horse about it. But they're jerks just like the 'pretty' people. They just found a different way to do it. Stop feeling bad about it, OP. Just do your thing.

[(Anonymous)]

The thing is, you've put time and money and effort into learning to do the pretty thing. Which is entirely your decision, and one which seems to make you happy. But it is not the same sort of skill as, say, learning to play the trombone.

Every woman is faced every day with huge pressure to spend that time and money on learning that skill. Those who decide not to - because they can't afford it, or they have no natural talent for it, or they know capitulating would make them unhappy with themselves - are shamed every day of their lives for not "making an effort".

You chose to make the effort. You chose to gain those skills and spend that money. And that is not a value neutral decision. The system is shitty for every woman, and you don't get to opt out of that. You can either be unpretty and deal with the shaming and the criticism and the loss of opportunities. Or you can choose to spend the time and money on pretty. But unfortunately that's a decision which puts you ahead of the game at the expense of those who didn't or couldn't make that choice. You aren't pretty in a vacuum - you're pretty in a constant death-match of comparisons. And yes, they will be angry about that. They can't choose not to be - anger is a legitimate and appropriate response to a fucked up system.

And it's not like it's a one-off choice. We make that choice every day, and most of us will not have a 100% record on either choice.

The angry unpretty girls are not the ones spoiling everyone else's fun. Even if they are being assholes about it.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you for this comment!

[(Anonymous)]

Except I don't think it's an okay response to say "it's a shitty, misogynistic system that disadvantages all women and puts pressure on them to act/look/be a certain way SO I WILL HATE THE (still disadvantaged) WOMEN WHO CHOOSE TO WEAR MAKEUP AND WHO MAY HAPPEN TO BE NATURALLY ATTRACTIVE. FUCK THEM." Be angry at the system, fine. But why on earth would you be angry just because someone else made a different choice in response to the shitty system?

Some people (including me) genuinely enjoy makeup, and feel good about putting time into their appearances. There is nothing wrong with this. Period. End of story. I am not choosing to shame another woman when I put on mascara in the morning, I am choosing to do something that I enjoy.

At the end of the day, yeah, all of our behaviors are conditioned by cultural ideologies, and that is unavoidable, but thinking about causality on that level is ultimately pointless.

I do not shame other women for not wearing makeup. I do not claim that makeup is crucial to women's existence. You do not have the right to hate me for making the choice to wear makeup.

Also, there are plenty of other skills we are pressured into learning and using, even if we are not naturally inclined towards them, and though I wouldn't pretend that they're the same (because they aren't backed by the system of misogyny in the same way), it's silly to pretend there are no comparable skills.

Also lastly (at the end of this tl;dr), I honestly don't think it's wrong that there are jobs that ask their employees to be "put together" visually. This doesn't mean being stunning, or even wearing makeup, but putting some effort into your appearance, if you will be a public face of a company. So what on earth is wrong with the fact that my putting myself together well for an interview for such a job gives me a leg up?

A+ Comment

[(Anonymous)]

The amount of hostility in these comments really do highlight the animosity some people hold towards people that are conventionally attractive (or rather, merely acknowledge their attractiveness). I can't say if it is insecurity or arrogance nor can I read the minds of other commentators, but the implications behind not believing in attractive people if they are aware of their looks/confident with them, etc. is quite ridiculous.

Why is it so insulting for people to admit to finding themselves (or others finding them) attractive? I thought confidence was a positive attribute to possess. Heck, I attract attention due to my looks in my major city of residence and I am still not confident in many aspects (including English as you can probably tell, I am french). Also, I have anxiety from OCD and the approach some men take to establish courtship can be absolutely horrifying (mind you, I am very aware of how OTT it is to make such an implication, emotions cloud rationality).

For that matter, why is it so unbelievable that people on DW/LJ garner the attention of men due to their physical features? The average person's positive opinion of attractiveness is not so hard to attain, it is not a proposal of marriage. Intelligence, personality, talent/abilities are infinitely more difficult to attain compared to inheriting the perceived great genetics of the times and existing.

There is nothing wrong with being confident in oneself for mere appearances when it is hard to be confident at all. And anyway, attractive people are many times still insecure with themselves due to comparing their looks with others more attractive or for other factors all together (personally, intelligence and familial matters out of my control). I was misdiagnosed with anorexia two years ago back in the middle school and the comments of non-ana afflicted females that admitted to being thin not being /truly/ thin with girls of the ana community remind me so much of this thread. If you believe you are thin than you are not thin enough was a mantra for pro-ana girls, promoting a downward spiral of madness and self hatred. The hostility towards confidence in appearance/confidence in being thin breeds more doubt and self loathing, damaging your physical/emotional health in the process.

(Just fyi, I am not insinuating most people on this thread are resentful of attractive people; honestly, I think most project disbelief because of the nature of this site and stereotype of people who frequent fandom type communities).

Oh, and WNTW does improve the peoples' makeup and hair (remotely, but it does make a huge difference), but not their titular problems. Those stylist choose the most atrocious, department store contemporary outfit/uniforms for everyone, it makes me cringe to see them blindly accept it. They always end up looking like wearable modern art. The only upside is the cut/silhouette of the ensembles they pick out are admittedly figure-flattering and that's what matter to most/what people need help with most. I have yet to see too much of this show (although, it does sound humorous) and have no remote interest in beauty/fashion, but both my mother and older relative of mine work in the realm of fashion and I have seen the WNTW host's fashion line, I'm almost positive that is the clothes they are limited to stocking their new wardrobes with.