[ SECRET POST #2142 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2142 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry it's late!

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 066 secrets from Secret Submission Post #306.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[kallanda_lee]

Is that what she meant, though?

I can sort of understand the "practical".

I have two friends over 25 who are still virgins, and it does come with a few disadvantages. The first is actually dating. Over a certain age, many people will be wary of dating virgins. Firstly, because they think there might be reasons who these people never had sex, and secondly, because they do not want to be the "teacher" in their sex life. The older people get, often, the more they are looking for someone who is confident in their sexuality.

From the other side, I've noticed that with my friends, the longer they wait, the more they make it into a huge deal. They fret over the first time, idealize it and want it to be perfect - in such a way that no real human being can meet those standards.

I'm not saying this is the case for all older virgins, but yeah, it does actually make things harder.

[deadtree]

you know, those are two points I can actually get behind, and which actually make sense. I don't have a problem with the second one, but I don't really date and I sometimes worry that if I DID want to date, I'd eventually have to tell the other person that I'm a virgin and I worry that they'd think there was something terribly wrong with me because of it.

[(Anonymous)]

As a "late bloomer" (eyeroll) I just didn't tell the guy I was a virgin- it worked out okay. It's not like he was all that good, either (and he just seemed glad I wasn't complaining about his technique)...

[(Anonymous)]

A friend of mine did that too.

I might go that root too when the time comes - we'll see.

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly, I think the longer I wait, the less big a deal it's seeming to me. I don't really get all the people who are like "oh, I'm gonna have to be the teacher". Do they not think we know how it works? I'm a virgin, not prepubescent.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you. One of my friends/acquaintances badgered me into telling her I was a virgin, and then went on about how I should feel comfortable asking them to stop talking about sex if it made me uncomfortable. .... I'm a virgin, not 8.

She also went the "that's totally okay!" route, which. Uh, I know. I'm the one who's a virgin, I really don't need your magical sex-having approval to be okay with my life.

[kallanda_lee]

It's not just about "knowing how it works". Like, the basic mechanics of sex are not the issue here.
But actually being with another personal is, in many ways, clumsy and imperfect. Also, learning to deal with emotions surrounding sex within a relationship. It sort of helps if have a few years to practice, so to speak.

It might be that it won't be like that for you at all, and it might be awesome, and you might find someone with whom it just goes naturally.

But honestly, I've often heard experience disparity mentioned by people as an issue.

[diet_poison]

This...

[(Anonymous)]

No offense to you, but I feel that guys who judge girls for being virgins are not worth sleeping with. It can be difficult and painful for some people so it should be with someone who will be respectful of that. I don't see the virgins as being at a disadvantage.

It's kinda sad how judgemental some people can be of virgins. (not saying you are, just some men I've heard)

To me if it's a big deal, it's a big deal and your partner should be kind about it. I've been lucky in that my most recent partner has been really understanding of my inexperience. Not to mention that we have lots of naughty fun that doesn't include intercourse.

[kallanda_lee]

Funny thing is that one of my friends is actually male. I totally understand what you're saying though, and in a perfect world it would be like that for everyone. I'm glad you found someone who is a good match :)

[(Anonymous)]

I'll be upfront and say that at my age? No, I would not date a virgin in my own dating-age-range (I'm in my early-30s, so, say, 25-40).

Barring really extenuating circumstances, I'd just have to think: this is a person who thinks of sex as something they don't really care about, something they could take or leave.

I totally respect that as a personal choice for anyone--but it is NOT what I want in a lover.

[vulgarweed]

Agree.

I'm older than you, and I have no interest in inexperienced partners. What I want is someone who can teach me new things I'VE never tried before!

[diet_poison]

Maybe you should ask them instead of making those assumptions.

[(Anonymous)]

now now. it's easier to make assumptions that to get the facts and actually, you know, talk about it.

communication is highly overrated.







/sarcasm

[diet_poison]

Communication really is key on this whole issue. People talk about how awkward and horrible it will be to have sex for the first time when you're older (as if that's a good reason to make someone feel pressured to have it before they're ready) as though people don't actually *talk* about sex and their experience or lack thereof before having it. (I suppose some people don't...)

[cakemage]

Seriously.