case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2012-11-13 05:26 pm

[ SECRET POST #2142 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2142 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry it's late!

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 066 secrets from Secret Submission Post #306.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 03:13 am (UTC)(link)
i'm really confused why anyone would willingly have terrible sex for years and years (without being a sex worker). like, this isn't even a 'getting the first time over with' issue.
diet_poison: (Karkat - what the fuck)

[personal profile] diet_poison 2012-11-14 03:26 am (UTC)(link)
willingly have terrible sex for years and years (without being a sex worker)

...the implication that sex workers are totally willing to do what they do, tho

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 04:35 am (UTC)(link)
While at lot of sex workers aren't sex workers by choice, some of them might be.

People are willing to do things for money they wouldn't do for free. Also, what someone might consider to be terrible sex may not be something they'd consider a terrible job (ie - really, really boring sex may be terrible when judged as a recreational activity, but may be mediocre when judged as a job because it's boring and not fun, but otherwise not a problem).

diet_poison: (Default)

[personal profile] diet_poison 2012-11-14 12:33 pm (UTC)(link)
"Some of them might be"

And you're going to talk about sex work as though it's comparable to any other just just because "some of them might be"

Most prostitutes don't wake up one day and say "hey I think I want to have sex for a living!" They are conned and forced into it by controlling pimps (and many, many of them are underage)

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 07:16 am (UTC)(link)
Sex is a skill. No one is born knowing how to do it well. No one does it well automatically when they meet their True Love. It takes practice, like all physical activities.

Everyone's first drawing is going to suck. Everyone's first attempt at a sport or a musical instrument is going to suck. (And probably hurt, because those things are physical *still feels early guitar string cuts on my fingertips*). It takes years of being terrible to get really good at things, sometimes.

I'm not the poster you're replying to, but in my experience, yeah, the first few years I was having sex were kind of clumsy and bad, because I was inexperienced and didn't know what I was doing, and my partners were also inexperienced and didn't know what they were doing.

Experience is what leads to getting good, and sometimes, really fucking great. There aren't shortcuts, though.

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 11:54 am (UTC)(link)
Ah, but with sex, a really large part of what makes is good is if all people involved are comfortable enough to talk about what they like. And that's got nothing to do with experience and skill and everything to do with how comfortable the participants are with their bodies.

Of course, it's also not something that automatically comes with age, but it's not something you have to practice either.

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 12:00 pm (UTC)(link)
It does have something to do with experience and skill, after all if you've never experienced something you don't know to say that you like it, and if your partner hasn't got much experience they won't necessarily know to do things, or how to do them well. Yes, a lot of it is about being able to express yourself frankly and freely, but there's still a considerable amount of experimenting to be done at first, and not all of it will result in particularly enjoyable encounters.

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 02:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, experience is awesome. You gather a host of skills and technique that are just hard to practice without a partner. You figure yourself out better than you can just by masturbating because you know what other people touching you feels like.

But frankly, once you're communicating - the experimenting is generally not that awful. At least in my experience, it has been pretty fun.
(reply from suspended user)

(Anonymous) 2012-11-14 01:07 pm (UTC)(link)
This. All over, this.

TMI time.

I can't orgasm without clitoral stimulation. I finally had to stop seeing a man because he found it an affront to his masculinity that I would reach down while having sex with him.

We talked a little about it and I told him just that. I need external stimulation so I asked for his 'help'. 'Doing XYZ really feels good to me.' He seemed to believe that he should be able to bring me to orgasm just by penetration alone and wouldn't do it. Yes. Refused.

We didn't see each other much after that.

So, even communicating didn't help if the boyfriends refuse to understand/believe/try.