Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2012-11-19 05:26 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2012-11-19 05:26 pm
[ SECRET POST #2148 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2148 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 080 secrets from Secret Submission Post #307.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 4 - doing a bit of troll-weeding ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Heeelp!
The problem is, for me this has always happened with longtime friends so I knew I could be confrontational or even argumentative without there being a problem and our friendship would be fine. So take my advice with a grain of salt.
But honestly, your whole post reeks of something that I think you need to understand. You sound like you feel responsible for his emotions. Let me tell you a secret. You're not. His emotions are his and if you haven't been flirting with him then you haven't been flirting with him. You haven't led him on. His emotions are not your responsibility. Honestly, it sounds like he is the one who's not catching the hint that you're not interested.
From what I can tell, you have done nothing wrong.
The only advice I can give is this: do you want to still be friends with him? If so, then you need to be firm about physical contact, paying for yourself, and anything else that can be considered date-like behavior. If he pushes it, let him know that it makes you uncomfortable and you only consider it something boyfriends do. Start inviting other people to your get-togethers so it's less like a date and more like a group of friends. Let your friends know about the problem so they can run interference.
If his behavior continues even after you make it clear you don't like it then you're going to have to be straightforward and honest. You like him as a friend and don't want to be in a relationship for the reasons you've listed here. If he listens to you, great. If he doesn't then you need to drop him like a hot potato. This doesn't mean that when you tell him you need to be mean, far from it, but you do need to be firm and truthful.
I hope that helps.
Re: Heeelp!
Even with a friend I was pretty close with, who I absolutely was not flirting with, he got the wrong idea and ended up kissing me. That was not my fault. I felt AWFUL for a while, but then I realized hey, I just need to speak up. So I told him, and because he's a friend, he respected that.
Some guys aren't that sharp, and even when they are, they still want to think you'll 'come around'. Just put your foot down, because you have every right to.
Absolutely do not let him guilt you and say 'but you let me buy you these things, and we've been on a few dates!'. Tell him 'you offered those things, and it was confusing me and making me uncomfortable, so I'm telling you now because I don't want it to go any further.'