[ SECRET POST #2164 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2164 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 044 secrets from Secret Submission Post #309.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Hello fellow partner-of-a-bi-boyfriend.

We hate that shit too.

Here's the thing. I get that they get to pass straight (sometimes) if they're seeing a partner of the opposite sex. But that doesn't mean they don't have some problems that really do overlap.

For example, there were quite a few gay bashings in the area where my bf works. Frankly I was terrified, because yes, he totally can beep on people's gaydar, and frequently does. I'm just scared that one day I'll get a call he's been beat up. He's not out except to close friends, and it's still a difficult thing to do. We can't give blood and other shit like that. I mean, it's bullshit to think we're unaware of discrimination. It's just a weird situation where you've got one foot in the gay community, and the other foot in the straight world, and you don't really belong. Doesn't really help we're not a very traditional couple either.

But if he posts things about lgbt rights on his Facebook, that's from the heart. If he's angry about discrimination, and he takes it a bit personally, well he's got the right to be - and anyone telling him it ain't so in an ass.

[(Anonymous)]

Perhaps I'm just old but, what is 'the straight world'?

I'm gay and i never really got this whole idea, that I was so completely different from my parents, or my straight friends.

Perhaps I've just been lucky in my like I dunno. Is this a new thing?

[maverickz3r0]

The world where people don't get kicked around for liking the same sex, basically.

Some people phrase it as 'straight passing privilege' which explains it and the mindset behind it a little better. That's another reason for the hatred of anyone who's 'straight gay' by some people--if we can pass for straight, they have the right to treat us as they would straight people. Bi people get it even worse because they can 'pass' more than superficially.

(This is ignoring the fact that most straight people who hate on queers have really shitty gaydar anyway, mind. None of the queer people I know read me as anything other than gay; it's only straight people who go 'oh, sorry, I didn't know.')

[(Anonymous)]

I guess then I'm a 'straight gay', but lord help me I'd never hate on another gay. We all need each other, and our friends and allies.

I wish your friend the best I do, I hope someday all this horribleness goes away adn we can all live in peace and love.

[maverickz3r0]

So am I. I basically agree with everything you say here. And we do get kicked around enough without picking on each other.

Love and peace might as well be one of my mottos, and I do wish the whole world shared it.

RE:

[(Anonymous)]

Ugh sorry if the above post came off as bit too terse. It sounds like your friend has it rough, I wish him the best.

[(Anonymous)]

Anon with the bi boyfriend

If you're old, I might be too.

I think it really depends on the person and place where you live, and it's sort of a vibe you get. So it's hard to explain but I'll try.

I suppose to us personally "the straight world" is work environment, our extended families, etc. Like, places where you come as a couple, and there are other straight couples, and there's this "family event vibe". That's obviously not to say that gay people don't have families - it's very hard to describe what the difference is, but it's very coded for lack of a better word. Often gender roles are quit rigid, and you get negative comments for any interests you might have outside that thinking. And people sort of assume you're like them without asking. And if you turn out not to be, it gets awkward. This doesn't even have to even be about sexual orientation alone. It's like the collective hivemind of normative people gathering. I'm painting a bit of a caricature here, of course there are nuances - but that's sort of the kind of environment I'm trying to describe.

But I suppose for us it might be different because we have a of of gay/arty/quirky people in our social circle, and the divide is more obvious.

[maverickz3r0]

Exactly. Better than I said it, for sure.

The blood donating thing is one of the things that really pisses us off. Both of us would donate if we could, but nope.

[(Anonymous)]

I will never understand that...ever...

Why the hell can't I donate blood, why can't my husband?! Arrgh!

[maverickz3r0]

Holdout from the whole AIDS scare, I believe. Apparently more of us are more likely to have AIDS/be HIV-positive because...I don't know why because. Just because.

It's like they haven't revised their guidelines since the 80s or something.

[fuchsiascreams]

Physically, a couple having anal sex is actually more likely to contract HIV than two partners having vaginal sex, but there are several problems with this.

1. Straight people have anal sex, too.

2. Not all gay couples have anal sex.

3. A gay person is not more likely to have HIV than a straight person.

4. The most at-risk group right now for contracting HIV are women between the ages of 15 and 40.

[insanenoodlyguy]

At the time it was drafted, AIDS/HIV was still a "gay problem" and only stuff like blood transfusions was how "anybody else" caught it. That or whores.

Never mind that they test all of the blood anyway. It's a bizzare holdover in off all things a nonreligious humanitarian organization.

[(Anonymous)]

ayrt
Turns out I can't give blood anyway for other reasons, but he could. And it's just the principle. Also, when I was in my last year of college, a group of people from my class went to give blood. I really wanted to come, and at this point I didn't know disqualified for other reasons. I sort of made up a stupid excuse and they probably thought I was a jerk for not going.

Fun fact: at this particular point in life, the only unsafe sex I ever had was oral. So at point where I was supposedly a walking AIDS hazard, I had never had piv or anal without a condom.