fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2164 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2164 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

With that increasingly-long thread for #18 going on, I got to thinking about something. Asexual people on F!S, do you identify as "queer?" LGBT people, do you think of asexual people as being under the LGBT banner?

Asexual here and...yes? But in fairness, I'm also homoromantic and in a homosexual relationship, so ymmv on what other people think about me.

And, I think asexuals do fall under the banner - because we aren't the norm. I'm not saying asexuals as a whole are ~more oppressed~ than the rest of the groups under the banner, but we *aren't* the norm, and most people either don't realize we exist, or think something is wrong mentally with us.

That is a whoooole barrel of drama fish you have attempted to pry open. I've seen threads on this very topic spin out of control faster than you can say LGBT. Good luck with that!

I know, but it's unfortunate that these kinds of discussions should generate drama at all. :/

Not entirely related, but queer isn't just used by l, g, b, or t*. Folk in the kink or bdsm communities use it, as do those who are polyamorous. Or even people who feel queer gets to the point of defining them better than anything else. Not everyone uses it, and you're going to probably get a different take on it depending on who you talk to.

Yeah, and it's not just cause I'm not heteroromantic.

It isn't a case where we have to campaign for legal rights, but asexuality still gets a lot of disdain socially. It's either unknown, or made into a sickness or a joke.

Though, as other people said, this is a personal thing.

I don't identify as queer, just asexual. (And transgender, but that's irrelivant.) I've always just used LGBTQ as an umbrella term for anyone who doesn't fall under the "normal" heterosexual sexuality, so asexuals too, yes. No one's ever given me trouble about it. /shrug

I find banners generally stupid and useless. They're so frequently utilized to increase the perceived size/power of the "whole" group while throwing the less powerful subgroups/whatever included in the "banner" under the bus. And they often erase a lot of the complicated intersectional stuff happening within the larger group.

Homoromantic, biromantic or trans* asexual people are every bit as queer as sexual people with those identities are. I do dislike it, though, when asexual (or kinky, or polyamorous) heterosexual/heteroromantic people identify as queer. Queer started out as an anti-gay slur (and is still used as one today; just look at the mayor of Troy's relatively recent tweets) and so it feels weird to me for people who don't have to worry about it being used against them in a negative way using it in a positive way. Additionally, the challenges asexual people and LBGT* people face are actually quite different, and to group us all under that one umbrella just because both involve sexualities seems strange. Like, IDK, if someone were to say that the disability-rights movement and the fat-acceptance movement should be considered the same thing because both involve peoples' bodies.

/dislaimer: this is just my opinion, others feel differently, etc. etc.

aces don't really belong under the lgbt umbrella, imo. the lgbt community is a safe space for people of sexual minorities. while you can argue asexuality is too a "sexual minority", nobody on the queer spectrum wants to have to deal with heteroromantic folks who don't face sexual attraction. that's really not what lgbt is about, and the most discrimination aces face is the occasional "have you seen a doctor" comment.

that being said i don't like that the lgbt community is so hostile towards aces but i understand not wanting them to be a part of the spectrum, if you feel me.

in addition, aces who aren't heteroromantic do fall under the lgbt spectrum imo, but not because of their asexuality. as someone else mentioned, aces and lgbt folks face very different issues, and there really isn't much the lgbt community can do for aces aside from raising awareness.

i'm ace but i'm also trans and biromantic, so i do call myself queer but i don't associate myself with aven or the lgbt community. i'd rather just be left alone to hide in my social shell

Edited 2012-12-06 07:48 (UTC)

and there really isn't much the lgbt community can do for aces aside from raising awareness

It isn't about what they can do, but providing a "safe place" for people to go to. Support, information, friends, a place to talk about your "not normal" sexuality. LGBT* is a lot of the times just a group of people coming together to support one another on a common theme - sexual identity.

lgbt is right in not always being so welcoming to aces, though. lgbt folks have to face violence and nonacceptance that aces never see, and for aces to come into their safe space when they aren't even queer (speaking more so in terms of hetero and nonro aces) is insulting. they might as well be straight, so the most lgbt people tend to be willing to do is accept those kinds of aces as allies.

no good lgbt community will turn away an ace that is queer in some form, and they're usually not unwilling to hear their experience as an asexual. but lgbt folks all can come together in the sense that they are sexual people who are shunned by society. aces and lgbt folks face entirely different issues in that regard. aces are better off finding sanctuary in aven or a local ace space, rather than trying to find support in the lgbt community.

firstly, because, as i said, the issues are different, and lgbt are not wrong in not wanting to hear an ace's sob story about how one time a guy said she was ace because she couldn't get laid. secondly, because lgbt people are often the very same people who are so unaccepting of aces to begin with. personally i've found more acceptance in my sexual orientation alone from straight people, so i wouldn't even bother trying to find support in the lgbt community if i wasn't also queer.

third, aven is already a great support place. there's no need to intrude on the lgbt community.

lgbt here

I guess I don't really consider asexual people under the same banner as lgbt, but if an asexual person personally considered that they were under it I'm not going to say no or kick them out since they've got their own social issues/acceptance to fight for.

But in my mental compartments, I kind of have them hovering outside the lgbt area as they're not going to deal with the same kind of issues and descrimination for being lgbt (broken, sinners, evil and 'burning in hell') versus no sexual interest (and therefore mostly considered weird and maybe broken? still upsetting, but i would prefer to be asexual than gay :( )
i've not had much sleep, i hope that makes sense? it does in my head.

but tl;dr i don't consider them under the banner because their problems do not seem as large to me as lgbt but bigger than hetero? sorry, i can't think of a nice way to say it. people generally don't fit into little boxes, but if we're just running off the sexuality/gender area???

I think you did a good job of phrasing it well!

No, I don't think of myself belonging to that group. To me, being asexual/aromantic means that I don't identify with anything that LGBT refers to. Everything concerning sexuality or relationships has very little meaning to me in general, so I have no need to make an issue about it or to even label myself anything.

I generally don't care what other people say about themselves on the Interent. I only get pissy when people attempt to make their own sexuality look good in contrast to my sexuality. Bad definitions of bisexuality and "people not parts" tend to get under my skin.

But in general, how other people define and identify as queer don't bother me.

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