fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2178 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2178 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Leverage]

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03.

[The Bloggess]

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04.

[Jahmene Douglas/Nicole Scherzinger and James Arthur/Nicole - UK XFactor 2012]

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05.

[Left 4 Dead]

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06.

[Community]

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07.

[The Tribe - Alice&Lex]

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08.

[The Perks of Being a Wallflower]

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09.

[Bioshock Infinite]

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10.

[Inception]

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[Cassandra Clare]

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12.

[Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures]

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13.

[Disney's Sleeping Beauty]

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14.

[Homestuck]

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15.

[xxxHOLiC]

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16.

[Sherlock]

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17.

[Boktai]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 038 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Okay, so reading through your replies gives a little more pertinent background. First off, your partner's kind of a dick for dumping this on you without sitting you down for a proper discussion. Being trans* doesn't excuse him from disregarding your need for time to process everything. You're entitled to some proper communication, and it doesn't sound like he's following through. It may be difficult as hell for him, but it's no walk in the park for you, either, and it's pretty rude of him if he thinks you should be able to accept it. Secondly, I don't think you're a dick. I think you've been landed with some heavy information and you haven't had time to process it nor are you fully aware of what everything entails.

If you truly care about him and want this to work, there are a few things you have to keep in mind: asking him to be something he's not (mainly, a girl) for the sake of your comfort is no better than asking you to be something you're not (that is, attracted to men) for the sake of his. Both of these facets of your identities are important. On the other hand, there's a better chance of yours being the more flexible one - I'm not saying it will be or should be, but you do need to think this through properly. What exactly bothers you about having a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend? Your partner probably isn't going to change much in the personality department (and in fact, might even be happier) and might not even change that much in the looks department for a while. What attracts you to "her" right now - the person, or the body? If you actually like him as a person, then where does the source of your rejection lie? Are you really and truly unable to be sexually attracted to him if he looked more masculine? (There's no reason you should be attracted to men in general, but love - that is, caring and affection - can turn into lust. It's the real life "if it's you, it's okay" situation.) Or are you afraid of the social implications? Are you so afraid of being perceived as a gay man that you would rather leave somebody you truly care about than deal with navigating the queer world?

There's no wrong answers here. I'm sorry if I sound a little biased, but the point of all this is getting you to figure out why it bothers you so much. It's fine if you figure it out and come to the conclusion that it's just not going to work for you, but it's better that you've figured out why rather than just relying on a kneejerk reaction. This is a tough situation for both of you, and while I wouldn't advocate friendship (because that's just rough for both parties), at least give him some respect and examine the situation and yourself before acting. Ideally, the onus shouldn't be on you, but if his first experience in coming out results in a break-up, that's going to be pretty rough on him. I'm not telling you to baby him and disregard your own feelings in favor of his, just show some respect for his situation and honor the fact that you've been together for a while. He deserves that, at least.

-- another trans guy

[ SECRET POST #2178 ]

Re: Girlfriend wants to be my boyfriend