[ SECRET POST #2179 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2179 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I keep telling myself I don't have a kink for age gaps but both of my two favorite pairings have a divide of just a little less than 20 years. Whether or not it's a kink for me, it really pisses me off when people call 'gross' on shipping two adults of different ages. It's definitely a difference between people but that just creates an avenue for chemistry. Anyone saying that people of different cultures, say, shouldn't be dating would get shouted down fast, but that's a major component of what the age gap is; a culture difference. Also lol lol 'older people aren't sexy/ARE GROSS', ageism is an amazingly tolerated form of bigotry. (Nothing wrong with saying you prefer young-looking people - I'm just side-eyeing anyone who calls older bodies 'gross', and looking forward to when said people have one themselves and get to bask in self-loathing all day.)

I don't know any of your ships but I completely agree with you about the immaturity thing; if one or both partners didn't grow up 'right', it seems easier to find the common ground. Um, maybe that is because I find slightly 'damaged' people (particularly those who had weird childhoods) more interesting anyway on account of being one of them myself.

[(Anonymous)]

Another major component of age gaps is the power differential. Older characters have by definition more life experience, which usually translates to more maturity, more wisdom and knowledge about the world, and thus more power; and that's even assuming they haven't amassed more wealth as a result of living longer, having developed a career, etc. All of which is magnified if the older character is a mentor figure to the younger, as is often the case. *That's* what squicks me out about age gaps. (Also the fact that of all my friends and relatives who have married someone substantially older than them, all of them have had serious parental issues that fed into really unhealthy relationships. Not saying that's always the case, certainly, but I guess I've just seen it happen enough with people I know IRL that it's hard for me not to see it in a fictional context.)

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Yes, the power differential is what trips me up. Everyone has different life experiences and I know for a lot of people it isn't an issue. But I've never been able to be attracted to men significantly older than myself, even in high school (and I guess that's pretty unusual). I just think it would be hard for me to be in a relationship with someone from an older generation and not find myself constantly deferring to them, rather than having an equal partnership.

[(Anonymous)]

whaaaathefuck are you going on about 'power differential'.

once people get into the 'they're all adult and no one is anyone's boss/teacher/doctor/whatever' where the FUCK are you getting power differential?

that's such bullshit.

[(Anonymous)]

Not only that, but suppose they were the same age and one of them was the other's boss/teacher/doctor? Fandom would still ship it. I'm not sure why age difference should be a more taboo power differential than, you know, the ones which are actually power differentials.

[(Anonymous)]

I don't even know if it's that old people are "gross." I mean, maybe for some. But speaking as the older half of a couple with a significant age gap, I think some of the discomfort lies in several things. One, there's a sort of "power" imbalance this can create. In my case, it isn't intentional, but I've seen 35+ year olds go after people in their early 20s FOR that reason, so I think it's fair to see red flags in big age gaps. And I think it relates to the second aspect, which is that a lot of the time, the younger party just does not have as much life experience. It isn't the numbers, per se, but it did give me pause to consider that my current boyfriend was learning to drive while I was already married and giving birth to my first kid.

Then of course there are the people with mommy/daddy issues who look for an older partner to look up to, etc. All that said, though, this is anecdotal evidence and doesn't mean everyone in a relationship with a big age gap should be treated as if they have some pathology. Maybe some of us have just found someone awesome and said "fuck it" to the age gap, after careful consideration, because the occasional burst of immaturity or whatever is completely overshadowed by the fact that the other person is supportive, caring and a real partner in the life you're trying to build.

[(Anonymous)]

doesn't mean everyone in a relationship with a big age gap should be treated as if they have some pathology. Maybe some of us have just found someone awesome and said "fuck it" to the age gap, after careful consideration

THIS. So sick of the snide "oh, I'm not saying you all have daddy issues but based on anecdata you totally do" comments. See above and ad infinitum.