fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2180 ]

[ SECRET POST #2180 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2180 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

#10 is a moving .gif!

01.

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02.

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03.

[Fraiser]

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04.

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05.

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06.

[Homestuck]

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07.

[Kili/The Hobbit]

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08.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

09. [SPOILERS for the Walking Dead]

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10. [SPOILERS for How I Met Your Mother]

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11. [SPOILERS for Rise of the Guardians]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

12. [WARNING for abuse]

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13. [WARNING for rape, noncon]

[American Horror Story Asylum]

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14. [WARNING for rape]

[MLP: FiM]

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15. [WARNING for rape]

[Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen]

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16. [WARNING for suicide]

[Doctor Who]

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17. [WARNING for rape]

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18. [WARNING for IRL murder/shootings]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #311.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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i had a discussion once with a friend who though labels on people were an abomination, whereas i thought they were mostly irrelevant but could serve a purpose

that's not the point of this though, just a preamble to ask you to label me? more specifically, my sexuality? i didn't know so many different kinds of *sexuals existed until i started reading these pages, and in an effort to better understand these 'labels', or orientations, i humbly ask - what am i? (strictly in the 'dictionary definition' of what am i, not the esoteric)

i am middle aged and haven't had sex in close to 10 years, and i don't mind one bit. i don't crave it, but neither does it gross me out. i've had heaps of great sex in my life and always enjoyed it in all its manifestations, and don't doubt that i would still. my current celibacy happened naturally and i've been happy without any type of sexual relationship for the entire past decade. the thought of a traditional 'relationship' doesn't appeal to me (most probably as a result of past relationships giving me nothing but grief and tears), but the thought of sex doesn't leave me with the same displeasure - if anything, i just haven't bothered seeking it because i don't care

i am bi-sexual in that i have had sex with both men and women, and am attracted to both sexes - but what does my current celibacy make me? a celibate bi-sexual? an asexual? another kind?

just curious :)

Sounds a lot more like celibacy than asexuality to me

It's tricky labeling other people but I would say you're celibate, rather than asexual.

You don't sound asexual, gray-ace, or demisexual to me, and those are the three I know best. Forgive me if I mis-explain, F!S, but to my knowledge, asexuals don't enjoy sex to the point of saying "I had great sex!" even if they have it, gray-ace have very limited circumstances under which they enjoy sex, and demisexuals have sexual urges but would never say the bit about wanting sex but maybe not a relationship because they would never have sex without the relationship.

You're probably just a bisexual with disillusion and low sex-drive? ;)

gray-ace

What

ayrt wonders if you're facepalming at my explanation or at the concept itself?

I'm facepalming because dear lord does EVERYTHING need a label, now there are like, sub-sexualities or some shit

Everything is nuanced, if you don't really like sex but might like it idk MAYBE then you're probably asexual, is there really any need to invent this stupid sounding term "grey-ace" for it

ayrt

I'm anon, so, willing to admit that I do have issues with these terms, because there's tinges of slut-shaming to demisexuality and grey-ace (i.e., "I might have sex but when I do it's because I care about them ~~unlike the rest of you sluts who just sleep with people they don't like because SEX SEX SEX IS ALL YOU THINK ABOUT~~"). I also think that most people on Tumblr IDing as these terms are teenagers with low sex-drive in a society that implies they should be sex-crazed (this largely applies to demisexual?).

Don't forget that there seem to be more asexuals/demisexuals in fandom FOR SOME REASON HMMM

There's more EVERYTHING atypical in fandom, though.

(Or at least more people willing to admit to it.)

...what does demisexual even mean? Is it just "low sex drive?"

...My understanding of the term is that it means they don't have a sex drive outside of people they're in a relationship with. Not just 'not interested in having sex with' but having that be the thing that flips their libido from OFF to ON.

ayrt confirms that it's basically what above anon said. Sexual interest and sex itself won't happen with a demisexual unless they're romantic with that person.

isn't that just low sex drive, though? what?

Re: labels

(Anonymous) - 2012-12-22 11:27 (UTC) - Expand

Re: labels

(Anonymous) - 2012-12-22 15:54 (UTC) - Expand

DA. I think you've hit on it with this statement: "teenagers with low sex-drive in a society that implies they should be sex-crazed". If you don't have a strong sex drive, everyone figures there's something wrong with you, so that may be where the need/desire to label comes in. Sort of an "there's nothing wrong with me, I'm just [fill-in-the-blank terminology]".

If we'd had these gradations of terminology when I was a teenager, I might have had something to describe myself as other than "frigid beyotch".

asexuals can enjoy sex. i'm ace. i've had sex that was good sex (because my partner at the time wanted to and i didn't mind). mostly i just don't care about sex. i don't think about it, it's not a priority, i prob never would have had sex if i wasn't in that particular relationship.

so while mostly i agree with you, there are times when someone who ids as asexual could say they had great sex. *shrug*

Thank you for the correction! I won't be describing it that way anymore, then.

Just based on what you've said here, I would guess possibly a-romantic bisexual with a low sex drive.

I'd say you're just celibate, not asexual. I kind of have a similar situation - bisexual, have greatly enjoyed the sex I've had in the past, but am not currently dying to get into a relationship or feel like I need to have sex with anyone else, since masturbation is perfectly satisfactory.

I definitely experience sexual attraction, though, so I wouldn't consider myself asexual. Also, not wanting to get into a relationship doesn't really affect whether or not you're asexual. There are lots of asexuals who like being in relationships, and lots of non-asexuals who don't. It's just a personal preference thing.

OP - thanks for that, this makes perfect sense to me

how about it just makes you a goddamn bisexual who is not interested in another relationship right now (and possibly not ever)?

Wouldn't even call you celibate. Calling yourself celibate is far too connected for me to a concious decision not to have sex for xyz reason. (like priests, people who are waiting for a particular time to have sex etc) Personally, it just doesn't really align to me with people who just... haven't had sex cause it isn't a priority.

You're Morrissey

Bi-sexual and probably no need to get more specific than that. How much you have had sex or how recently you've had it has no bearing on your orientation. You may have a low libido, but one's sex drive can change in intensity over the course of one's life - I'd go so far as to say it's completely normal for it to do so - and that doesn't mean your orientation has changed.

This is a good comment.

bisexual and currently uninterested?

i label myself as lesbian and not really caring because probably have a low sex drive or somethign (as opposed to asexual because i might, one day)

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