fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2185 ]

[ SECRET POST #2185 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2185 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[not a repeat; was broken yesterday]

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[not a repeat; was broken yesterday]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #312.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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01. http://i50.tinypic.com/2wlu0w5.png

Don't know the fandom but I'm in the same place re: great prospects on graduation and current sucky job, so you have my deepest sympathies there.

You can't control how you feel, but you can control how it's expressed. You're acknowledging a problem that needs your attention, so don't let it get the better of you. Best of luck, OP; I hope things go your way.

Asuka is a poster child for bipolar disorder, just throwing that out there

She really kinda is now that I think about it; I empathize with her a lot more when viewed through that lens. The competitive thing is...very much part of the mania, for some people.

I always thought she was supposed to have narcissistic personality disorder; that's what most people I know in the fandom said anyway.

Seems like now would be a good time for you to explore philosophy. Not kidding. I drove myself mentally into the ground a couple of times pursuing a personal philosophy (which I didn't even recognized at the time as being a personal philosophy) that just made me miserable. Once, I pursued the goal of perfectionism where I ended up devaluing everything I did to the point of feeling worthless. And to pour salt on my wounds, no one particularly noticed or appreciated my efforts at always being right.

Anyway, what kept me from going off the deep end was a radical rethink. I sat down and decided: What is really important to me? Who do I really want to be like? What is good? What is acceptable? What can I let go of? It wasn't easy shifting gears, bad habits die hard, but I felt better almost immediately. It helped me build a much more realistic set of goals to hang my self-worth off of. I think I'm a much more tolerable person to be around because of it.

Honestly, a lot of successful careers involve putting in a lot of menial grunt work the first few years out of school. Don't let it get you down, and just keep at it.

I'm sorry to hear things are tough.

It's good you recognize that you're having a hard time dealing, though. You may or may have much control over all of the circumstances you're facing, but you may be able to do something about how you deal with them.

Also, I don't know exactly what the challenges you're facing, but it's possible you're putting too many stakes on this. Is this truly your last chance? Is this still a path that's worth striving for? There are times when something is really worth fighting for, and times when it's worth reevaluating. Only you know what's best, but be careful about getting so caught up in living up to your expectations that you can't reevaluate if you need to.

Personally, being low on the totem pole after three years doesn't sound that worrying to me, depending on the field. Maybe you're being too harsh on yourself?

Edited 2012-12-27 01:33 (UTC)

Where is she from?

Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Dear OP,
I sincerely hope everything turns out alright for you. Asuka's breakdown always hits close to home for me and I just wish that you can avoid the experience.

With much love,
Anon

I'll gladly trade places with you, OP. Having that kind of prestige and security would have saved me from a few years of post-grad breakdowns. And I'd rather be viewed as an Asuka than a Rei.

I wish you the best, OP. Try not to get too stressed about comparing yourself to other people. And if you do have to compare yourself to other people, try to think of people who are *worse* than you instead of worrying about all the people who are doing better. It's a good stress relief when you need it.

I really hope things go well for you and that you feel better.

Get over yourself, OP. Your worth as a person does not depend on where you work. Be grateful you've got a job at all, grow a little patience and keep watching for opportunities. It'd suck to miss one because you were too busy throwing a tantrum about not being where you think you're entitled to be yet.

When I read the first sentence of this secret, I was kinda fully expecting to see "and now I realise that's a bad measure for personal worth" somewhere further down, but it never came.

While a shitty job can certainly make you unhappy, no great job in the world will actually make you happy or feel good about yourself in a sustainable way.

No great job in the world will actually make you happy or feel good about yourself in a sustainable way.

You really think so? I'm not sure if that's a good attitude to take toward your work, especially since you're forced to find employment if you want to live independently.

DA: Personally, I believe it's important to have a job that you like, something you enjoy, because you do spend a lot of your life at work. But I think a lot of people think a job is "great" because it has prestige, or a certain amount of money or importance - not that it's necessarily a job you're suited for, or that you're doing something you actually like.

That's what I think the other anon was getting at.

Again, YMMV, but I've seen too many people stuck at jobs they hate, but they can't leave "because the pay is too good." Eh. Not the way I want to spend my life.

I like and enjoy my work. I laugh a lot, and have great colleagues, and generally a good time at work. Hell, I even get paid enough that money is pretty much a non-issue (although I naturally prefer a frugal lifestyle) and have amazing flexible times. I would say I have a great job.

But just like getting level whatever-it-is-right-now in WOW and having an amazing guild that you like and have a great time with won't make you happy, just like the admiration of your peers will not make you happy, that job is not enough.

The basis of being really happy is resting in yourself and liking you, and if you primarily like yourself because you have an awesome job, car or spouse, that should probably give you pause.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2012-12-28 11:33 (UTC) - Expand

It's okay to be ambitious, anon. I always liked Asuka. It's far preferable to drowning in self-pity. Keep striving, and remember that the setbacks make the successes taste all the sweeter.

I'll take you didn't get too far in Eva.

(no subject)

ariakas - 2012-12-28 11:32 (UTC) - Expand

Welcome to the real world....it sucks. You are burnt out, it happens. Now, you have options. Start looking for a new job. Talk to someone to deal with the anger and frustration. Make plans to move on. Or, let it continue.

It isn't easy by a longshot, but it is doable.

I'm also on my last chance, anon. It is horrifying and I only now realize that what you describe is mostly true of my experience also. I hope both of us can get where we need to be. Because for me it IS that dramatic kind of a "last chance" that people will scoff at. Your life and your problems are a big deal to you and shouldn't be belittled.

So let's keep on, anon. Let's keep on and work our hardest.

"Last chance"? I'm not trying to dismiss your situation, but I do agree with this Chinese Proverb: "Keep the green mountain, and you will have wood to burn". It's rarely as bad as you think. Stay around, and you can bounce back up again. Not going to be easy, but it's doable.

OP. Ask yourself, do you invest so much into being successful that you are willing to do anything to get it? If the answer is yes, step back. You are opening yourself to hell of an exploitative mess.

That is the one thing I learned in 2012.

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