Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-01-02 06:55 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-01-02 06:55 pm
[ SECRET POST #2192 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2192 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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[Tales of the Abyss]
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[Merlin, RPS]
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[Lilo & Stitch]
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 032 secrets from Secret Submission Post #313.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-03 01:42 am (UTC)(link)Sadly, in my experience, people tend to do the latter a *lot* more than the former.
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For me, I really have noticed some people are lonely (in general, not just for Christmas) but they have this idea in their head that they're a burden, while them tagging along would be totally cool. I've seen both scenario's (people being perfectly fine on their own versus people pretending to be fine on their own) and it's still difficult for me to tell the two apart sometimes. So, I do sort of see were overly concerned people are coming from. Because they're worried it's a lonely person who's afraid to admit it.
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-03 02:26 am (UTC)(link)Oh, I understand what you meant - and I do see where they're coming from...but at the same time? I was raised with the belief that you don't force help on someone if they don't want it...and if someone is insisting that they'll be okay, even if it's obvious that they're lonely, then it's disrespectful to ignore the fact they're refusing your offer of help.
So, for me? If someone keeps pushing after that point then...well. In some ways you're acting as if you know what they want better than they do, which is really not cool.
Disclaimer: I know that's not the case for everyone, nor should it be. I also am not saying an offer shouldn't be made - just that it's how the refusal is handled that makes the difference between 'concerned' and 'overly concerned', imo.
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-03 02:41 am (UTC)(link)THANK YOU. We need more of this in the world. Let people dictate their own lives and respect their wishes (as long as they're not harming anyone else.)
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-03 02:46 am (UTC)(link)no subject
I guess that part is sort of weird for me? The idea of spending Christmas alone is really depressing for me and luckily I have a great family, but if for some reason I ever was in that position, and someone invited me even with just "hey, I don't mind if you come over" I would take them up on it. I wouldn't need to be prodded to "admit" that I'm lonely. Do people do that a lot?
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-03 03:44 am (UTC)(link)I imagine many people would take it as an affront to their pride or something
yes, it does happen :(
people can be stubborn about many things that harm them (I would know; I've been there)
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As for the prodding: Firstly I'm not even sure OP is being prodded. Actually that's not how I read it the first time...I read it as: a lot of people express their worry, and it's annoying I get asked a lot. If that's the case, it's not prodding. It's OP being annoyed because s/he gets asked often. But obviously, person B doesn't know person A already asked, and so on.
As for prodding in general, I think it's sort of culturally/regionally dependent. Half my family's Czech, and (especially in the older generations) that's really, really common. Like, if you go visit, and you're offered food (which you will be) and you say "no thank you", you'll be asked a second, third, fourth time... It's a sort of weird dance you do, where it's assumed the one person is too modest to say "yes" to food, but the host isn't a good host unless they make absolutely sure they're not really hungry.
It sounds a bit weird when I describe it like that, but I hope you sort of get the picture.
Then again, I've totally seen people outside my family prod too. Mostly these tend to be very social-oriented well-meaning people, who really have trouble accepting that people can actually be happier alone...
Mind you, it might just be my social circle.
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It is very very culturally dependent. There are many, many cultures where traditionally it's rude to dive right in on the first offer of food or drink because it makes it seem like the only reason you came to their home/party/whatever. The first refusal is seen as "proof" that you're there for the company and not just because they'll feed you.
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(Anonymous) 2013-01-03 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)off-topic: I love your username c: it's so cool and cute
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