[ SECRET POST #2196 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2196 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #314.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 2 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - empty image with a text comment ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[harp]

This might not be a super popular thing to say, but anyone who tries to tell you things akin to "don't let fandom get to you emotionally" (note- there's a big difference between feeling and acting on said feelings) doesn't really know fandom. Even people in nice, loving fandoms must have heard about the awful behavior from other fandoms.

Don't know how else to put it- fandom's a series of learned responses. Think about it- if someone said to you "I like strawberry ice cream, it's the best" would you particularly care? Would their enjoyment of that flavor necessarily affect you in any way? Would you assume they were planning on going to your local ice cream shop and convincing the shop to sell only strawberry and nothing else? When they ate strawberry ice cream, would you get the feeling that they were implying that you were a stupid person for liking your favorite flavor? Would you feel annoyed, harassed, indignant, or vaguely threatened or like you would have a hard time liking that person or being able to talk to them? Probably not.

Now think about how people seem to react when someone says "I ship X/Y". I'm thinking especially about my own (broken) fandom, where saying that phrase (or having an icon or making a post about) always seemed to imply "I hate X/Z and people who ship that are idiots." It's a learned response, and so we usually react not to the person but to the emotions left behind by the last few jerks we encountered. Fandom's full of defensiveness and a lot of people express that by putting up an offensive front first.

But don't worry, OP- I come from the Potter Fandom, and I can tell you that even though it takes a while, you can eventually un-learn it. It's just difficult to do when you're constantly close to whatever the catalyst is. My suggestion is trying to root it out with questions- "what am I about to say to this person? What do I hope they'll say back? What emotion(s) am I trying to cause within them? Why do I want them to feel that emotion? What am I feeling when I imagine them feeling that? Am I trying to annoy them? Make them feel sad? Hurt? Unhappy? Worthless? Angry? Defeated? Am I trying to get them to answer me or to stop talking to me? Am I trying to get them to change their behavior, point of view or way of thinking?"

I wish I'd had these questions during the worst of the Potter Wars. Good Luck, OP