[ SECRET POST #2199 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2199 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Dragon Age 2]


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[Baby-sitters Club]


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[The Twelve Kingdoms]


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[Dangan Ronpa]


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[Homestuck]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 023 secrets from Secret Submission Post #314.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

TW domestice abuse: Female on male domestic abuse, a friend's questions

[(Anonymous)]

My male friend is being abused by his girlfriend. He is the "Oh look I'm so macho" type, and he has only admitted such to me because he knew that I had worked it out anyway and was trying to elicit information. I know for a fact that two of his other friends knew she had injured him in November 2012, but since then he says that no one knows other than me. Both the frequency and the severity of the incidents are increasing; fortunately they do not have any dependants to worry about.

He has terrible shame over the situation. I have tried to find some resources but I haven't been able to find any advice for friends, and whenever I've called a helpline they've ended the call because they are too busy/an immediate sufferer was calling. They did the right thing, but I am really not sure what to do now.

I would really appreciate advice please.

Re: TW domestice abuse: Female on male domestic abuse, a friend's questions

[(Anonymous)]

Tell him to call.

Also, finding resources for abused guys isn't always the easiest, so I'd suggest going through this list [ http://www.safe4all.org/resource-list/index?category=1], or having him go through it, and seeing what you can find there.

Re: TW domestice abuse: Female on male domestic abuse, a friend's questions

[(Anonymous)]

One of the first steps in stopping abuse is telling someone, so that's a good sign and maybe it will be easier for him to tell someone else or to realize what a bad situation he's in. A hotline is a good idea, but maybe a counselor or a health care provider would be able to advise you better.

Here's a hopefully helpful link: http://www.wadv.org/maleabuse.htm

Re: TW domestice abuse: Female on male domestic abuse, a friend's questions

[(Anonymous)]

If it's possible for you, offer him a safe place to stay if/when he decides to leave (or try to get one of his other friends to do this). If he knows you're not judging him/don't think it's shameful and that he could count on a place to stay, that could make it easier for him to leave.

I don't know where in the world you are, but if you're in the UK, there's these guys: http://www.mankind.org.uk/ (well, their advice is sound wherever you are)

Re: TW domestice abuse: Female on male domestic abuse, a friend's questions

[intrigueing]

I would approach it from another angle. He probably feels embarrassed about being hurt by a girl because that shit about how men aren't victims and blah blah blah has probably been pounded into his head all his life and it'll be difficult for him to get over that.

What will be probably much easier for him to understand is pointing out what his girlfriend is doing, instead of what's being done to him. Ask him what kind of a woman would hit someone she claims to love, what that kind of behavior says about her personality and her respect for him. Also, point out how that that of behavior can escalate into something even more serious and dangerous.

Him getting hurt is important too, but harping on that aspect of the abuse might just shame him more and be counterproductive. He might not be very open to "my girlfriend is hurting me," but he might be a lot more open to "my girlfriend is acting like a nasty violent douchebag."

After that, he might be less ashamed and more willing to accept help (the anons above me have some good suggestions). Just stick by him and act the same, to be a reminder that it's not "weird" to be abused and that you're not judging him.