fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2201 ]

[ SECRET POST #2201 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2201 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Monty Python]

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[Umineko no Naku Koro Ni]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

09. [SPOILERS for Arkham City]

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10. [SPOILERS for Django Unchained]

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11. [SPOILERS for Evil Dead Remake/Reboot]

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12. [SPOILERS for Doctor Who]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

13. [WARNING for rape]

[Skyfall]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #314.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Anyone who uses the label to slut-shame is using it wrong. The thing to understand is that it doesn't refer to people who simply don't have casual sex. It refers to people who are not attracted, at all to people they don't know well -- whereas fullsexuals (unofficial term) can still be sexually attracted to strangers (if the amount of "I fantasize about X celebrity/character" secrets are any indication).

Yes, I realize that most of those people wouldn't actually have sex with Celeb McFamouspants if they had the chance, but a demisexual wouldn't experience that feeling at all. They would not be turned on by somebody they do not know, and those fantasies would likely give them no gratification. Simply put, it's not a matter of what they do; it's a matter of what they feel.

Most demisexuals couldn't care less about how much sex other people have. It's an inward label, not an outward one. And as a point of interest, those who label it an orientation are also wrong; it's more of a modifier. One can be demiheterosexual, demihomosexual, demibisexual, or demipansexual. (Not demiasexual though. That would kind of defeat the point.)

Thank you for this comment. I don't get why so people are quick to jump to "YOU MUST THINK I'M A SLUTTY SLUT MCSKANK-PANTS WHO SLUTS AROUND BECAUSE I'M SO SLUTTY!!!!" and act like casual sex ISN'T an incredibly common thing (that they themselves have possibly advocated for in these very threads "as long as both parties know where they stand.")

And that's true! Casual sex is just fine for consenting adults who are on the same page, but it's not something I can do, because I do not get the sexy feelings for all the super-hot celebrities I see on TV or the cutie barista at my local coffee shop. That's not a fucking judgment on other people.

I jumped there because either outright shaming (mostly the world would be better/happier if more people were like us or comfortable being "out" as demi) or condesenscion about being enlightened or more mature has Bern the tone of every person who I've discussed or read about identifying as demisexual.

Obviously I haven't interacted with every person who identifies as demisexual I just don't really get the point of wanting to declare demisexuality?

"Casual sex isn't my thing," doesn't seem like it should need it's own term or even any further explanation really.

... yeah, see, you're undermining your own point by assuming that non-"demisexuals" would just fuck someone because they find them physically attractive without having a conversation or some sort of connection first.

Again, not that there's anything wrong with that -- rock on if you want to fuck someone you literally have no connection to -- and I don't know about the rest of the "fullsexuals", but I am fully capable of being incapable of boning someone who is attractive to me physically but repulses me in a personal manner.

You've acknowledged that you can experience aesthetic attraction (see: cute barista). It's way more likely you're a standoffish personality when it comes to romantic situations than you're a whole other subset, sorry to say. I'm not shaming you for that. Do what you want. Just don't act like a special snowflake for it.

It just reeks of "I really CONNECT with people before I fuck them, unlike you." Probably bad PR. But there nevertheless. Blame Tumblr. I always do.

yeah, see, you're undermining your own point by assuming that non-"demisexuals" would just fuck someone because they find them physically attractive without having a conversation or some sort of connection first.

Um, no? Where are you getting that? Because at no point did I say people who aren't demisexual will fuck anyone just because they're hot. I am referring to those feelings of WANTING to sex up a hot actor or character because they're hot ("Unf! Yummy! I want to have his babies! I am ready! I want to fuck him!") which is a feeling that I, personally, have never in my life felt for anybody that I was not personally very close to (and identifying with a character or a perceived persona isn't the same to me), regardless of how attractive I could see that they were.

You've acknowledged that you can experience aesthetic attraction (see: cute barista). It's way more likely you're a standoffish personality when it comes to romantic situations than you're a whole other subset, sorry to say.
What? I mean, what? How do you go from "you're someone who can recognize aesthetically pleasing things" to "you're just standoffish"? Because that's fucking stupid. Because, much like I can recognize that the shirt my sister puts on is a very nice shirt that looks lovely on her or that many of dresses that get trotted out on red carpets are beautiful, while never ever in a million years wanting to put that garment on my body, I can appreciate the attractiveness of individuals.

It just reeks of "I really CONNECT with people before I fuck them, unlike you."
No, I'm pretty sure that's you wanting to feel like somebody is unfairly judging other people so you can be all righteous about it.But the only one doing the judging here is you and others like you.

Casual sex isn't an incredibly common thing. It's much rarer than long-term serial monogamy. Researchers sometimes ask people what they think an ideal number of sexual partners over the course of their lifetime would be, and the most common answer for both men and women is one.

Don't most people imagine a specific personality that is tied up in their celebrity crush? They'll imagine a specific dynamic or relationship. It seems, to me, at least that people "cast" celebrities and don't solely focus on the physical attraction so I'm not sure hanging attraction on a combination of physical and mental traits isn't common.

For me there are a few actors I only find sexually attractive while they're playing a certain character. As themselves, or another character, I don't feel an attraction. Then there are actors I am only attracted to when they're playing themselves in interviews and whatnot and not to any of their characters.

Or are you saying a demiplatonic person wouldn't have a sexual fantasy about someone they didn't know personally?

^yeah, in other words, the demisexual interpretation of this kind of crushing is describing something completely different to what is actually going on. This seems to be the main sticking point between demisexual-identified people and those of us who reject the term; interpretations of the behaviour of others.

Think of the difference between a celebrity and a model. Not many people obsess over hot models whose lives and personalities they know nothing about, even if those people are objectively hotter than the people who they do fancy. Instead they get into people they know about, people who've done things they like, played characters they relate to, said interesting things, etc. If normal sexuality was what demisexuals think it is, we'd all be fixated on models and porn stars.

Someone I knew irl was working in fetish porn a few years ago, and she found that the best way to keep work coming in was to regularly update a blog about (a fairly fictionalised version of) her life. She put a few fetishistic photos on there but obv mostly saved that for the paysites she worked for rather than giving much away for free - instead, she wrote posts about her life and about random kink-related stuff she was interested in and let her audience feel like they were getting to know her.

All of this. This is precisely what's always bugged me about demisexuality. It's really not different, but just a different interpretation of how sexual attraction works for a lot of people. There's not need for a separate category or word.

That actually makes a great deal of sense about your friend who was in porn. I know a lot of porn stars have blogs or twitter now. I don't have to know anything about a porn star to find them aesthetically pleasing or enjoy their work (and there's a certain degree of personality that usually goes into said work as well), but the ones that I tend to come back to are ones that I've seen in interviews or read blogs for and have found that I find their personalities attractive as well.

Uh, no. But this is how it usually happens:

Demisexual-ID'ed person: Everyone else is like THIS but i am DIFFERENT so i need a LABEL
Everyone else: Uh, what? We are not like we say you are at all.

It's not about me having an interpretation; it's just that every time a demisexual describes 'full-sexuals' or what they see as default sexual behaviour, they're off the mark and I see a whole bunch of other people also telling them that they're off the mark.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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