case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2013-02-11 06:41 pm

[ SECRET POST #2232 ]


⌈ Secret Post #2232 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 070 secrets from Secret Submission Post #319.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

(Anonymous) 2013-02-12 01:14 am (UTC)(link)
tw: suicide


I kind of want to want to kill myself. I feel terribly alone most of the time and like i won't be able to ever figure out how to live as an adult. That every attempt i do at making meaningful connections with people and the career endeavors i want to do will come to nothing.

And yet i know i don't have it in me to kill myself. i like life, in the sense that i like to be creative and i like knowing about the world and its people even if it's hard to be happy in it and i have to observe from a corner. i don't want to resign myself to this but i don't know where to turn for help. i feel like i've heard everything a therapist has to say (i've been there before) and that it'll never get through to me. mostly i feel a little bit broken. Just not enough to want to end it because i know that isn't worth it, and i can take a bit of pride on that. But then, where does that leave me?

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

(Anonymous) 2013-02-12 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
It could still help to go to therapy, though. Sometimes just talking and laying everything out helps out. Actually, in my experience, that was the main benefit of therapy. I had to explain my thought processes, and doing that helped me see how fucked up they are/were.

But, you know, failing that, there's always journalling or talking to a friend or someone else.

**hugs** I hope you feel better soon. ♥

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

(Anonymous) 2013-02-12 01:40 am (UTC)(link)
Anon, I feel much the same way--that is, I think sometimes that my life has no value, because I don't contribute anything, but I really don't want to kill myself--if only because, like you, I like observing even if I'm not part of the main current of life, and because I have hopes of doing some tiny creative thing now and then. I don't have much hope of achieving success as most people would measure it, but taking myself out of the world entirely would be abject failure, and as long as I don't do that, I can console myself with the thought of all the possible futures.
thinkatory: ([TWW] Josh Lyman.)

tw: suicide

[personal profile] thinkatory 2013-02-12 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
Yeah, I could've written this.

I totally get it. Personally, if I found out that I was dying, I'd be completely at peace with it.

Re: Non-fandom Secrets

(Anonymous) 2013-02-12 02:00 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sort of in the same boat you are, anon. I don't want to live, yet the thought of dying and ceasing to exist terrifies me. It depresses me that someday I will die, and the universe will go on for billions of years without me. I'm basically fucked every which way.