fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2236 ]

[ SECRET POST #2236 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2236 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Inda series]

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02.

[Les Miserables and Discworld]

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03.

[Three Kingdoms 2010, Legend of Chu and Han]

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[DBSK]

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06.

[The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (Shivering Isles)]

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08.

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

09. [SPOILERS for ]

[Umineko no Naku Koro Ni]

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10. [SPOILERS for Supernatural]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [WARNING for rape]

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12. [possible warning for sexual assault (as I'm sure the thread will contain discussion of it)]

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13. [WARNING for abuse]

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14. [WARNING for rape, abuse, etc]

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15. [WARNING for suicide]

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16. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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17. [WARNING for rape/non-con]

[Homestuck]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #319.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So I am planning to go to the Gay Pride Parade in Oslo this summer, but the thing is that I have always been standing on the outside of the LGBT community, both in RL and Online. Not only because I am bisexual, but because other than some of my friends no one knows I'm not completely straight*.

What I am trying to ask/say is am I alone in feeling like I don't have a right to voice my opinion when it comes to LGBT stuff? My sexuality isn't an issue for me, it is the felling like I belong with the LGBT community that is the problem, at times I feel like I get judged because I am not "out and proud" enough and so on.

*I don't hide my sexuality, I am just in the mindset of "why should I have to tell people about my orientation? Straight people don't". If it comes up I will say that I am bisexual, but I don't go out of my way to tell people.

Why do you feel like you need to be involved in a specific community? You can be bi or gay or lesbian without doing those things. I think you're overanalyzing too much. If you want to join in some community, do it. If you want to voice your opinion, do it. This doesn't mean everyone is always going to agree with you, and that's okay. None of that makes you not a bi person.

We got like one community in Norway (with branches) not a big country. I have no need to join any kind of group. But being alienated from other LGBT people is something that I feel all the time. Even in the description page on the Norwegian LGBT webpage, they have a paragraph basically saying that being "straight passing"* is wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself.

My sexuality isn't a problem, I have never felt shame for my sexuality. But the community makes me feel like because I am not being discriminated against I should just shut up and count my blessings.

*Dressing, passing like a straight person

If "dressing like a straight person" is passing, I could be passing all the time and not realizing it because I have no idea what the Official Sexual Orientation Dress Code is or where to find out. Sounds like bullshit to me.

I don't even know how a straight person dresses that differs from someone bisexual? Is there some kind of rulebook I could buy?

Dammit how can you even be bisexual without knowing your national traditional outfit?

In the US we have to wear a rhinestone cowboy hat and a bolo tie that looks like a little purple triangle. Yours probably involves a horned helmet or something.

RESPECT YOUR HERITAGE (BIRITAGE)

Mine just looks like this, but this explains so much about why others use helmets with different colours... Damn now I have to go to my local helmet store and buy a new one in the correct colours...

Is that like that thing where lesbians are supposed to have short hair and short fingernails? Bwah? Sorry, folks, this femme-ish enjoys her long, almost elbow-length hair and long(er) nails (the nail art possiblities!) rather than short ones (I can't stand my really short nails right now; they feel awful; had a lot of breakage lately). I used to have short hair and looking a pics now makes me think why?????? You look awful! I also don't enjoy the thought of shaved hair areas on my head; you do? Awesome hair choice for you; not for me. I just cut bangs on my hair, I look awesome. :)

I still can't figure out what some lesbian women are doing that make short nails mandatory if you're lesbian unless your fisting your lover all the time (it is possible to not scratch/hurt someone w/long nails during sex and sometimes someone likes being scratched w/long nails......).

I have no idea? There should be a "how to dress your sexuality for dummies" so I can do it right.*

I do have short hair though... Like this: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQnIrhx7JMik-iqpkJ0SJM3H9-Bylcz0BBmQu0lNkySQPjZ4aKbBA

I did not know that was something that says I am gay? I just cut my hair short because it fits me better...

I got long nails though, I have no problems doing sexual stuff with my hands long nails and all...

*That was a joke if it wasn't clear enough.

I get how the OP feels, honestly. It can be difficult to be accepted into the community if you have "passing" privilege (or if other people think you do), and that can really affect the way it feels to be involved in community events and such.

I have no advice, OP, but you're not alone.

Oh and when it is added that the reason to why I am "passing as straight" is because I am somehow brainwashed into wanting to dress and act like the majority... It can't just be because that is how my personality and dress style is?

No need for advice:) I just wanted to see if I wasn't alone in felling like I am on the outside looking in.

Your decision to be out or not is perfectly valid and nobody can tell you otherwise. Being around other queer people is just great like, you really notice the difference in how stressed out you feel, at least I do. Long story short if you're LGBT you belong in the LGBT community so go and enjoy yourself.

Most of my friends are on the LGBT spectrum actually*, so I am not alone in that sense. If I go to the Parade I will go with another friend who just like me is a place between in the closet and out and proud...

It is the community as a whole that makes me feel as an outsider.

*Seriously, another of my RL friends told me he is Asexual today, which means 3 of my friends are Asexual (two of those gay/bi)

Just go and have an awesome time. I dunno about Oslo specifically, but in my experience Pride always has a lot of people their to have a shitload of fun without having to police themselves from being Too Queer. I'd hazard a million that the organisation with the strong stance against passing is not speaking for the majority.

I am going if I have the time/money. And it isn't the pride parade that is the problem (I hope). If nothing else The Pride Parade had an awesome theme song last year, so that will be fun. And my friend is all excited because she gets to draw on me.*

The problem is what I feel is the general thought process in a lot of LGBT communities about how I am somehow not good enough.

It was a paragraph where they described different LGBT words actually, and I got another of my friends to read through it and she saw the same undertone as I.

*slight side note: The Pride Week (which the parade is a part of) is called Skeivedager, directly translated to: Not straight days...

What do you mean by "different LGBT words", exactly? Is this a certain group that's actively leaving you out?

don't comment when you are halfway to drunk I think is the moral of this

Ah dictionary thing, just explaining Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and some more obscure words for dummies.

I would be screwed if our LGBT community, which means exactly the same in Norwegian, excluded bisexuals... It is just hinting in one paragraph on the official website that basically says that "straight passing"* is wrong.

*I could try to find the word they used, but I will get mad again and I am finally getting over it

"straight passing"* is wrong.

WHOA, whoa, yeah. I can see why you have a problem with that. I mean maybe it means like, being closeted and going into politics and actively pursuing an anti-LGBT agenda is wrong which I agree with but fuck no there are reasons to be closeted and ALSO it's not your fault if you don't look "gay" enough and straight people assume you're straight.

But I thought you were just talking about the broader LGBT community like. All of us. In the world. We are one big community. (And yes, people you meet within that giant community are going to suck.) At least that's the way I always saw it? But if this is some kind of official organization I say fuck them, you know who your friends are.

I'm sorry this was really unhelpful

Also damn formatting, went slightly wrong in my last post, sorry 'bout that...

Yeah, I'm not even really in the closet, I just don't go around telling everyone my sexuality. Because why should I?

Well I feel the same way when it comes to LGBT online too though, I just don't feel "gay" enough to have my voice heard. I feel that a lot of discussions where I should be allowed to say what I mean, I can't because I am bisexual or because I don't completely agree with everything that it seems everyone else agrees on.Or just the fact that even if I was out and proud I would still not face the same discrimination as one does in a lot of other countries.

Nah, don't really need help. Just need to voice my frustrations to the world once in a while. You should hear me in real life at times, I am someone who loves to rant and I got opinions and I am not afraid to say them (except online apparently...)

Well when it comes to the online stuff you're worrying way too much over nothing. Just say what you want to say. It's not a contest over who deals with more discrimination.

I know, I can't help it. I really don't get why I am more scared of saying something that people might disagree with online than I am in Real Life.

This reminds me of a bit in Brothers and Sisters where the gay brother was being snarked at for not being out enough for her liking. At one point something she said was in the form of a question and he responded with equal snark:

"Because I'm not as gay as you, [whatever her name was]" and continued living his life as he chose with no fucks given about her opinion. I suggest you do the same.

Donna. It was in the episode where they had the quiz battle with the 'bizarro Walkers.'

And really, seconding this. I've always thought the whole 'passing for straight' thing was utterly ridiculous. Sexual orientation is not indicated by personality.

I am in a similar situation, fairly closeted, but I don't really date so I just tend to not tell people.

Honestly I often feel like I am not a part of the LGBT community, but I feel that bisexuals are often excluded from the community because we can "pass" if we happen to be dating someone of the opposite sex.

It's not necessarily a problem exclusive to you OP, the LGBT community has often been accused at best of only caring about LG and at worst only caring about the G.

Yeah, life sucks I get and we should just live our lives as we see fit...

LGBT communities have a tendency to be quite excluding at times.

Oddly enough no one in my group of friends have any problems with our sexuality or each others. Except that the ones of us whom are bisexual are pretty clear on the fact that we might like girls, but we are just friends....

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2236 ]

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