Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-02-19 06:49 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-02-19 06:49 pm
[ SECRET POST #2240 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2240 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 060 secrets from Secret Submission Post #320.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 4 - trolls that were a little too obvious; come on, at least don't capitalize the same word in every secret. The others can slide by!].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
no subject
It sounds like people have figured out you are "the shoulder"
And trust me, they'll use you. Man oh man will they use you. Thing is, you aren't helping them 90% of the time listening to their inane shit. If venting cured problems, we'd see a lot of horrible forums that started up then became extinct in a week, instead of being perpetually shit.
You are obviously in a better place, but being that person everybody dumps their problems on? That's fucking draining as shit. You will end up with precious little energy left for yourself. That's not going to suddenly give you depression, but it sure isn't you being happy.
Remember that you are obligated to shoulder anybody's bullshit but your own. And if they start saying you are the only thing keeping them from their stupid decisions? Cut that person off like you would any other parasite. That kinda false responsibility is manipulation of the first order.
Not OP but I could be
(Anonymous) 2013-02-20 01:00 am (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2013-02-20 01:08 am (UTC)(link)I used to be the same way, thinking "oh, my friend just needs to get this off their chest, I have to be a good friend and listen and try to be understanding" and then the friend would tell me that they hadn't tell this anyone ever, so all the more reason to hear them out always, right?
nope, I later caught them telling them the same sob stories to people they had barely just met o_O
anyway, it takes practice, but you can learn to tell apart regular "I need to vent about my day and move on" and bad "I will obsess over this the more I repeat my problems over and over, never making a move to solve them" talks
(pro-tip: the second one is done by people who always have -usually the same kind of- problems, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, and who will happily drag you down instead of accepting your hand to be dragged up by not ever changing anything about themselves in any positive way)
Goddamn it noodle, don't typo when you are actually being serious.
You probably got that but I'd like my typos to not subtract from the message here, because it's actually important.
Re: Goddamn it noodle, don't typo when you are actually being serious.
no subject
Also, for me it gets extra weird when people I barely even spoke to once or twice in fandom decide to tell me the (usually incredibly sad) story of their life. I don't mean to sound rough or anything, but at the end of the day I really DO NOT WANT to hear some complete stranger's sob story while all I'm in the fandom for is having fun and relaxing.
I probably sound pretty damn insensitive, but oh well. I've been on both sides of this - went through a pretty dark time for several years - and even then I had enough sense to realize friends had no obligation to be my therapists, so let alone strangers in fandom.