[ SECRET POST #2241 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2241 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 042 secrets from Secret Submission Post #320.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 (minorly sexual, illustrated) - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

When I was in Junior High School (12-14 years old, 15 by the end of the ninth grade), I swear I was in love with my science teacher. I honestly believe that your first love can be unrequited, because I felt so much for him. I loved everything about him. He was brilliant and open-minded and youthful and just amazing. He was alright to look at too, but his appearance isn't what drew me in.

I'm 20 now, and I still have dreams about him from time-to-time. I'm currently in a long-term relationship, so this is a bit problematic. I want to let go!!! LOL this is so embarrassing, because I know how silly it sounds.

I don't know. I felt something for the man, something very strong. It wasn't just a regular crush, or something filled with mere lust. I loved him, and it was so easy to do because I was much more naive and inexperienced with so many things, so discovering such feelings and emotions was my main focus and interest.

How do I let go of this? Do I need to talk to a specialist? Is there some sort of secret way to end that part of my life? Do I need closure? I honestly don't know what's going on here :/ just when I forget all about him, bam. There he is in my thoughts and dreams.

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

maybe ask your partner to roleplay a teacher/student thing with you

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[blueonblue]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

Unless you actively seek out and reinforce those thoughts, they will fade as you meet more people and make more memories.

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

It's possible you're thinking about this old crush because he represents or reminds you of something you're missing in your life or relationship right now. If you work that out and try to put more of what you're missing back in your life, the feelings/fixation should start to fade.

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

Out of curiosity, would you also describe your dad this way? Like, did you have a super dad who you really loved? What is your current SO like?

I think you're fine, btw.

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I guess I would, but those are very general statements. I don't think my dad and my teacher were anything alike at all. My SO has more similarities to my dad, but with obvious differences.

I don't know, I don't have issues with my father. He's the most important person in my life and there's nothing more that I could ever want or ask of him.

My SO on the other hand... I guess I don't really get much satisfaction concerning a lot of areas in our relationship. There's just really not much passion there, I'd say. Maybe that's what I miss most? The passion of that love. But it's totally different, it was a newness that I liked. That always goes away though. Not that it ever did with my teacher lol

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not suggesting you have issues with your dad, it may be the opposite! I once heard a psychologist talk about a mechanism that gets set up in girls (assuming you are a girl, idk if this happens to other gender configurations) who have "perfect" fathers, where they then idealize "perfect" older male authority figures, and don't attach to male peers until later. It's a protective mechanism, because then you don't get attached to a partner unless he meets your high, but fair, expectations. It's the opposite of the girl who's dad is an alcoholic then she goes and bangs an alcoholic.

I thought that may be what's happening here? Trusting that your dad was as awesome as you say. Food for thought.

Maybe this guy just isn't for you? Or maybe you haven't matured enough for a relationship, or maybe he isn't mature enough, or both? Maybe he's just not up to your standard? (I mean that in a good way.)

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

I think this is fairly common, OP. A big part of it is that your teacher's a fantasy. You never had stupid arguments with him about doing laundry, you've never had to deal with his post-Taco Bell farts or be disappointed because he said something inconsiderate and hurtful, etc. etc. In your head, he'll never say or do anything you don't want him to say and do. It's difficult for a real-life boyfriend/husband to compete.

Working on your relationship (or ending it if it doesn't work) might at least channel energy into something productive? Feeling like you're dissatisfied or missing out on life makes a person more inclined to retreat into soothing fantasies. It's necessary escapism from time to time, but you definitely don't want it to be your number one obsession.

Re: I still have dreams about my teacher

[(Anonymous)]

I felt the same way about a teacher I had in high school. Even in my first year or two of college I had occasional dreams about him which would bring back all of those thoughts/feelings. When I finally ended up seeing him again... I felt nothing. He was still smart/funny/etc but all of those really intense feelings were just gone.