fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2246

[ SECRET POST #2246

⌈ Secret Post #2246 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Mighty Morphin Power Rangers]

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03.

[Downton Abbey]

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04.

[Death Note]

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05.

[Star Trek TNG]

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06.

[Girls]

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07.

[Vampire Diaries]

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08.

[My Little Pony: Friendship is magic]

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09.

[Spartacus]

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10.

[CSI]

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11.

[The Bretts]

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12.

[Steam Powered Giraffe]

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13.

[Being Human]

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14.

[The Young Ones]

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15.

[God Bless America]

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16.

[Nerdfighteria]

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17.

[Downton Abbey]

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18.

[Disney's hunchback of Notre dame (Frollo/Esmeralda)/Titanic (Cal/Rose)/Once Upon a Time (Rumpelstiltskin/Belle)/Labyrinth (Jareth/Sarah)/ Harry potter(Ginny/Tom)/ Game of thrones (Sansa/Petyr)/ The Mummy/The Mummy Returns (Imhotep/Evelyn)/ Phantom of The Opera (Phantom/Christine)]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 076 secrets from Secret Submission Post #321.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 2 3 - troll secrets ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I identify as asexual and I'm always unsure about what "normal" attraction is. But I've recently realized that when I look at pictures of men that I find attractive I'm not thinking "I think they're hot" or something similar, it's more "I wish I looked like that." I feel this way towards certain women I find attractive as well, but I find it more often with men. I do the same with hair styles, accessories, clothing. It's all "I like that. I want to wear/look like that." Awhile ago I realized I really like the smell of mens deodorant and so decided to start using it, which I didn't think was weird until I talked with a friend and they were like "no, I like the smell on men, *I* don't want to smell like that" and it just added to my confusion.

So I'm confused. I would never say I wanted to be a man, because I don't really ID as any gender specifically more just "I was born with ladyparts" - kind of like that's just the default and I don't really care much about specific gender ID, if that makes sense. Like, I don't think I'm trans* simply because while I may be very confused I don't actually *care* a whole lot about gender ID. It's more...a puzzle I'm curious about? Idk. But this revelation of how I'm viewing men I find attractive has made me question my own gender identity. I'm just confused and wondering if any of this makes sense to someone else?

(Sorry if this makes zero sense. I'm trying, but my thoughts feel particularly unorganized tonight and it's a confusing topic anyhow.)

I don't think liking the smell of men's deodorant means you want to be a guy any more than a guy liking the smell of a certain woman's perfume out of the bottle means he wants to be a woman.

You like what you like.

Yeah I think including the deodorant tidbit didn't explain what I was meaning to explain. And I'm okay liking what I like, I'm just confused about the why I guess. A puzzle that pokes at me. But thank you for replying!

I don't think that liking a certain aesthetic or wanting to look a certain way necessarily implies anything about your gender identity. I mean, shit, it's definitely possible to be into drag without being gay. It can be a matter of aesthetics as much as anything else, and that's okay.

It can be a matter of aesthetics as much as anything else, and that's okay.

Put like that something clicked in my brain. Thank you for helping make sense of my ramblings. I'm still a little confused but your words helped a lot.

I agree with what the other people have said, especially when talking about image aesthetics. Most of the time, it's less wanting to be male/female, and more about the associated characteristics with those qualities.

Like, for example, I'll look at a really physically capable, athletic guy and think, "Hot damn, I wanna look like that." It's not that I want to be male, but it's that I want to be looked at the same way that the guy is looked at: capable, competent, worthy of respect and regard. In most Western depictions, this is often associated with physical strength or promises of violence, so a lot of the time looking tough and looking masculine come hand in hand.

Unfortunately this sort of image is rarely associated with females, or if it is, it's heavily tempered with some kind of accessibility that otherwise makes her approachable. For example, you'll have a strong, capable-looking female who looks like she could kick your ass-- but some aspect of her appearance or personality make her undesirable to want to emulate. Maybe she has unrealistic, gigantic boobs, or she has some weird vulnerability streak.

It's not that you hate being female, or hate strong females, it's just that you don't like the way that someone has tried to depict "strong female", which in many cases is altered or toned down so that people don't read her as "bitch" or "butch".

I think maybe it's not so much having a problem with your specific gender identity, just that you have a problem with the way that society does gendered identity traits.

I have a problem with it too, don't worry.

You make some excellent points. I definitely have problems with societies idea of gender and the way women are portrayed, but I've never thought of it in relation quite the way you've put it here. Thank you!

No problem. This is obviously something I've thought about a lot myself, and once I figured out that I've been trying to emulate gender-associated personality traits, rather than gender envy, I've felt a lot better personally.

Because there is nothing that pisses me off more than being disregarded for displaying "masculine" traits because of supposed penis envy.

I don't want a penis, I just want people to know I can kick their ass as though I had one. :D (I'm being flippant now, but you get what I mean.)

OP here again. I've been thinking about this all night and I really think you're right. Which is a little embarrassing for me because I am big into gender studies and gender representation in media and that whole shebang, so it's just a little shocking that I've honestly never thought of that particular connection in relation to my own gender issues.

And since I've been thinking about what you've said I've realized how angry I get whenever I think of strong women in the media and why I tend to lean away from them - because like you said they are never just pure strong kick ass, there is always this hint of vulnerability or invitation or otherwise something that takes away from the strong capable representation. And then I get angry at being a woman because then it's like the world is telling me I can't be strong and capable on my own, only men get that.

I mean, I do in fact want a penis but only because it would be way more convenient to my chosen lifestyle (which includes a lot of camping and multi-day outdoor events, so peeing outdoors and no period would be crazy handy). But other than that, yeah.

Thanks so much for commenting and presenting thoughts in such a clear way. It's really just helped a lot with the way I'm thinking about this.

DA

Holy shit. Mind blown.

This is exactly my issue. I'm not trans* or genderqueer, in fact I quite like dresses, but I DON'T like all the negative, sexualised things that come along with presenting as "female".

Haha, good to know I helped out.

Yeah, it's a huge bitch to know that even casually identifying as female ends up setting you up with all kinds of socially undesirable traits and commitments. Like the sort of unwritten contract that because you're dressed to emphasize your femaleness, you're obviously meant to be enjoyed by all! Which, no, no I'm not.

I dunno, there's a whole lot of weird shit where being masculine and dressing to emphasize that accentuates more powerful, aggressive, and therefore, "fuck off" sentiment, whereas dressing female is more approachable and vulnerable (lots of exposed skin and unworkable cuts), and therefore says something like, "look at me!" or "help me!"

Which, again, no.

Image, fashion, and gender in our society are so fucked up.

SA

Oh god I remember when I first started wearing makeup, and some of my male friends were like: "You don't need to wear makeup! Natural girls are prettier!"

LOL NOPE sorry I don't wear makeup to "look pretty" for guys, I wear makeup like I wear a uniform.

(I'm willing to bet a lot of those "natural girls" they think are hot probably spend hours every day on hair and makeup.)

I'm not a makeup wearer myself, but I definitely empathize with the consequences it has. I mean, if you have a vagina, it's kind of implicit that you should dress pretty to be socially "normal", anyway. Or, to be more specific, you should dress pretty to code as more traditionally female, and therefore more socially unthreatening and acceptable.

Oh god, the effort of wearing makeup that's designed to make it look like you aren't wearing makeup is fucking insane. I know girls who wear makeup like that. It takes a fuckton of effort to keep it up, too.

Which is why I prefer the "fuck off" look. I'm not saddled with the social responsibility of looking good, and responding to anything related to my femininity. (Which isn't an absolutely implicit association, but damn well close. If you wear something feminine and attention getting, you generally will get comments from both genders.)

(reply from suspended user)

Holy shit, did I write this while I was asleep? Because this is essentially how I perceive myself. I would never really label myself as genderqueer. I was born a woman but it's just something that is. I've never had a particular inclination towards changing it. I don't think I was born in the wrong body or anything like that. Nonetheless, I've always had a strong desire to be perceived in the same light as most men would be. I don't want to be seen a man but like a man.

(Thus why my closet is mostly populated by menswear or women's wear that are based on men's.)

Sorry if this isn't particularly helpful, but I hope that maybe you won't feel like you're the only one.

SA

Sorry if my labels are wrong. I'm never quite sure which ones are the right ones to use.

Hm. I'm a trans guy, and I've had similar experiences. (Not that I'm saying it means you're trans too, I'm just establishing my gender.) But for me it hasn't always been just looks - for me, there are a few guys who I've been attracted to who I really wanted to be, personality-wise, body-wise, life-wise, everything. To the point where I asked myself, "Would I rather be with him, or be him?" and, with no hesitation, hands down, knew I'd rather be him. That hasn't really happened to me in a while, though, at least not that strongly, not now that I'm confident in my own gender identity and less intent on just being male, any male.

I still sometimes want to look like the people I find attractive. But now it's just, I want myself to look attractive, and since I do have the same sort of gender expression as the people I'm most often attracted to, I kind of end up judging my own looks by what I find attractive. I would guess that that's pretty normal for people who are cool with looking similar to the sort of people they're attracted to? Like, if you find certain features attractive, and you're also okay with having those features yourself, why wouldn't you want to look that way? But I dunno, maybe it's not as normal as I think? *shrug*

OT but since you've got a ton of really good responses (and i agree on the aesthetic thing, totally).... I use men's deodorant, too, and it's because there is not *one single* woman's deodorant that is not also an antiperspirant, which i don't think is healthy. So.

try a natural/organic store. they have tons of deodorants that aren't anti-antiperspirants, some of them even scentless. a lot of them are similarly priced to the stuff in drug stores, too.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2246

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