fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2251 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2251 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've been trying to think of a way to ask this and I can't so I'll just blurt it out.

How do you find yourself liking people? As in, I look around and a lot of people I know get into serious relationships so fast and seem to like people pretty quickly and, in the case of one, likes a lot of people a lot and gets hurt really easily when there's no spark

and I was wondering how often people feel the spark and maybe what that spark is because I don't know if I ever felt 'the spark' and most people seem to move too fast for me and I guess i'm wondering what's wrong with me why can't i like people fast enough.

so how quickly do FS people like people in the romantic spark 'let's date' sense?

um, not asexual tho or demisexual. Not intending to step on people who are, but pretty sure i'm not and people have suggested maybe I am so I want to get that out of the way.

I started liking someone after meeting them for them through a mutual friend at a convention. I hung out with them about 2 or 3 times that weekend, and I was already in it.

Liked him for well over a year with only seeing them once irl from a distance at another convention before we had a class together. But then, it faded a while after when it became obvious he didn't even want to be friends and talk about stuff. It also hurt when I heard he had a crush on another classmate. I've gotten over it, but I can remember the excitement I had being near him and talking and it'd last for days, and the ache during the year of pining over him, and then when we finally saw each other and it couldn't even go past awkward small chat.

It's kinda a pattern too, I've noticed. I talk to a guy and then started liking them soon after, but then I never see them so I have to tell myself to get over it and try to move on. Too bad I'm still daydreaming about a crush.

There's nothing wrong with you. People do this different ways.

I tend to only crush on people who I know fairly well, typically someone I've already established a friendship with. It also takes time for me and usually I come to that realization slowly. When someone expresses interest in me right after meeting me or after knowing me only a very short time, it tends to puzzle me at best or creep me out at worst. But that's my POV.

It kind of depends on what you mean by the "spark". That kind of makes me think of the physical feeling you get sometimes when someone you really like looks at you a certain way, or touches you, or is very close to you, etc. - like your heart is flipping over. But that could also be emotional? Maybe a certainty that this is a person you really want to spend time with, or a strong affection, or...idk. That term isn't well defined and might mean different things for different people.

There's no need for you to rush, though. I hope you're not feeling pressured by the people around you to rush into relationships you're not ready for. =(

I'm pretty much exactly the same as you, with the added bonus that I'm so unused to being flirted with or hit on that when someone introduces themselves by hitting on me, I get scared and uncomfortable and feel like I'm under pressure to reciprocate and that basically kills any chance of me liking them back. My friends have all pretty much given up on me by this point, after several years of begging me to just give anybody a chance and then watching it explode spectacularly when I did. :P

So yeah, the best advice I can give OP is make sure you're comfortable in a relationship, because if you feel like you *have* to have the 'spark', then you're paradoxically less likely to feel it.

Oh, hey, just butting in to say it's nice to see someone else have the same problems with people who introduce themselves by flirting. (Not that it's nice that you get creeped out, but people always tell me "oh so-and-so is just flirting," and I'm like "yeah that's the problem who the fuck are they," and the response is always "they're interested in you, God knows why, why not flirt back?", and then I go hide somewhere to sulk and freak out.)

[ SECRET POST #2251 ]

Liking people?

Re: Liking people?

Re: Liking people?

Re: Liking people?

Re: Liking people?