fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2259 ]

[ SECRET POST #2259 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2259 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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I'm not a parent yet, though I really strongly want to be one some day. As far as parenting styles go, I have had great role-models in my own parents. But I'm gonna have to deal with something they never did: the internet.

Over a decade ago, when my parents got the internet for my sister's 15th birthday (I was almost 12), they didn't know up from down where computers were concerned. While sis and I absorbed it all like sponges, it took my mother three years to learn how to just to turn on the computer, find her inbox, and and write out a new email in less than an hour. By that point my sister and I had discovered fandom and other horrifying spectacles online. (My sister also got into a lot of online romances with fandom friends but she wasn't big on hiding it, and my parents were just relieved that her "boyfriend" was across the country where he couldn't get her pregnant.)

Now I have no idea how I'm supposed to teach a child about the net. They won't know a world without it. Every gadget will pick have it. Do I learn parental controls? Only let the kids go on the family computer in the living room with parents always popping up? Just teach them how to avoid predators and hope things will work out?

I know a lot of the community here has no plans to procreate, but I'm interested in everybody's takes on how one should approach having a child going on the internet.

Simple. Don't have the child go on the Internet.

Good luck with that.

Not like half the country have portable access, that they're going to gain access, and that they're going to go in without any guidance whatsoever.

Or that it's becoming an integral part of everyday life, and by the time the hypothetical children of anyone here are at the age of having to worry about this issue, that's just going to have become exponentially more true.

Okay, that's just stupid. Your kid is going to have access to the internet at school, at their friends' houses, and elsewhere. They're going to need it to communicate and do projects.

Even without my fandom bullshit, there is no way I could go without the internet. I organize group projects and going out with people over Facebook, my profs email me homework and other info, my coach also emails me, I have to do research over the internet, etc.

That might be a practical solution if OP decides to raise their kids Amish.

o.O

And how do you propose that?

Okay, so let's say you disallow computers, smartphones, tablets, e-readers, and anything that might access the internet from your house. There's still school, most of which have computer access. There's friends, who probably have computers and internet-accessing devices, probably with them at all times. There are libraries that have computer access. Unless you plan to be everywhere with your child at all times... good luck with that.

When they're younger, only supervised and limited computer time. I'd try and talk to them frankly about all the issues they may come upon, and foster an open and trusting relationship so hopefully later in the pre and teen years they can come to me with any questions. I do not want them reading about all the misinformation out there and not feeling like they could come to me.

I'd also talk a lot about ettiquette and bullying and trolling and all that. About the different uses of the internet, the different places, etc.

So I guess my big plan is talking. Because honestly the internet is everywhere now and it's only going to expand, so trying to supervise or keep them from it will only work for so long.

Not planning on having kids myself, but the idea I'd go with is just teach them the basic safety rules of the internet and make sure they understand that they should ask before giving out personal information or signing up for sites. Set up their computer for them and put safe sites (like Wikipedia, Neopets, etc...) in their bookmarks, and if you're concerned about them hitting shock-value sites, figure out the parental controls and blacklist the ones you know (like lemonparty.org, though I imagine others will have sprung up by then). I'd probably keep the computer in the living room until they hit about 13 or so, especially if you're not completely against your kid exploring their own sexuality at that age.

I think the only thing I wouldn't do that seems to be popular nowadays is get a young kid a smartphone. I didn't get a higher-end cell phone until I was 16 and driving; before then, I had a Motorola brick that was used for emergencies. I still don't have a smartphone, and I don't think it's necessary. A simple phone that can call and send text messages is plenty. IMO, if a kid wants a phone better than that, they can get a job to pay for it. Otherwise they're stuck with whatever I see fit to give them.

The thing about smartphones is that, not counting the data plan, they are SUPER CHEAP with the right phone plan. I got an iphone 3 just as the 5 came out, and it cost one cent (and 40 dollar activation fee, but even kids as young as seven can save that up.) Plus, I think they'll probably be the standard within a few years.

I think my biggest concern aside from online predators and that stuff would be what if my child got into Fandom.

I mean don't get me wrong Fandom is awesome but I would have no clue what I should do if my say 13 year old kid decided they liked My Little Pony or something and wanted to look stuff about it up on the Internet. I would probably end up blocking a whole bunch of sites (namely kink memes) and likely spend a very disturbing evening blocking all the tags on Tumblr that could lead her to porn.

But let's face it it would only be a matter of time until they'd stumble onto smut if they're surfing around the web and that thought kind of disturbes me (not that I mind teenagers watching/reading porn but there are certain things I don't think a teenager should read/watch namely extremly kinky stuff especially all the underage, non-con etc. floating around. YKIMK and everyone should be able to enjoy what they want to enjoy but I don't think it's a good read for teenagers.

So yeah, I would probably freak out a lot about what my child would find online xD

When they're younger, I'd control the time they have on the internet. At the very least, homework and chores should be done before going online. I'd also be wary of whatever chatrooms they go to. I used to do that when I was 12 and I was lucky I never ran into any predators.

Beyond that, I haven't thought about it much. I think I'd educate them on what they're gonna find on the internet and how it's not always gonna be pretty, warn them about trolls, make sure they install antivirus, anti-malware, noscripts, etc before exploring the vast expanse that is the internet.

I don't know, my parents were very lax with me and internet when I was a kid, but my experience was mostly positive. Never ran into any trolls, learned html and css by myself, and any online friends I made were super nice.

We have a ten-year old who's in the fourth grade. She's learning basic computing skills at school (they started in kindergarten!), and they use the internet in a variety of ways at school, including homework assignments sometimes.

She can use the computer in the living room; she doesn't have a computer in her room, and I want to put that off for as long as possible. She doesn't have an email address (although she's getting to the age where we probably will make her a gmail soon if for nothing else than emailing the grandparents and aunts and uncles) or belong to any social networking sites like Facebook. So far, all she really wants to do on the internet is look up silly cat videos on Youtube, play Sushi Cat, and do her homework, so we haven't really had to deal with any content issues yet.

As her computer skills/desire to be on the internet expands, I plan to discuss with her safety issues and privacy issues and the dangers of publicly posting certain kinds of information (that potential employers might one day see, etc.).

I fully expect her to get into fandom as she already spends most of her time drawing the characters from her favorite shows or writing fanfic for them anyway. LOL I don't know exactly how I plan to handle that, but I don't intend to forbid her from participating in fandom.

Honestly, it would depend on the theoretical age of my theoretical kid. I can't even comprehend having a kid less than 7 at the youngest. I cannot deal with kids I can't reliably rationalize with.

I'd set up some basic content restriction stuff, then let them surf Youtube and play flash games with some supervision until they were around 12 or 13.

Whenever we would end up having "the talk" I would explain to them that society treats intimate stuff as very serious in theory, and that they should avoid exposing themselves to that sort of thing, but wouldn't freak out on them if they got accidentally exposed to something. If you treat it as some mystically forbidden thing, they're just going to want it more.

When they started to get around 15 or 16, I would probably tell them that if they start looking for porn, at least to be smart about it, avoid paysites and shady torrents, that kind of thing, and to be discrete.

I'm not currently planning on having kids of my own, but I think my main concern wouldn't be porn or fandom-related stuff, but over-sharing on social media sites. I think there's a real issue today where social media sites are incredibly popular and common among kids and teens, but a lot of them don't really know how to use them responsibly (or aren't ready to). I would teach my kids to be careful about what they put online, especially under their own names, and I'd try to keep an eye on what type of sites and apps they were making accounts on. I'd also encourage them to use screen names for interacting online and only use their real name on things that we're both okay with having linked to their real life. (But I would also stress that you can never rely on complete anonymity online, and that interacting anonymously or with a screen name isn't an excuse not to use good judgment.)

I'm not sure how I'd feel about kids of mine looking at porn. I mean, when they're really young, I'd keep an eye on what they were looking at. But past a certain age, I think it's pretty normal. I would definitely warn my kids about going on dodgy porn sites or downloading anything, though, and I'd try to raise them with good enough sex ed that hopefully they'll understand that porn isn't realistic.

Honestly, right now for most of the parent friends I have, Facebook (and other social media sites like it) is more of a concern than internet predators and porn they might find. Because despite age restrictions, pretty much everyone is on it. Kids no longer get to go home from school and get away from their bullies. Their bullies just follow them online. It's relentless.

As a parent I can say it's entirely dependent on the age of the child. You generally want to keep parental filters up at all times, and make sure to monitor their internet access (check the history after they've been on, etc. also make it so they can't erase the history which is a great trick).

Youtube was unfortunately the main site I had to block my kids from seeing, because despite all the great things on there, the moment they looked up fandom stuff they'd end up with videos of things like Sonic brutally murdering Amy and shit like that.

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[ SECRET POST #2259 ]

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