[ SECRET POST #2267 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2267 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 072 secrets from Secret Submission Post #324.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 - trolls ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

...because maybe they just like the person a whole lot? You can want to be with somebody and want to spend your life with them without wanting to bang them, and some people are cool with that.

Sex and sexual attraction are not actually inherently necessary to an emotionally intimate relationship. Making sure both parties have their sexual needs and desires fulfilled goes a long way into making the relationship work and last, but those "needs and desires" can amount to, "not having sex that much/at all."

--different anon in a sexual relationship and still understands asexual relationships

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

This still sounds like the sexual person isn't being wanted, though.

I mean if you want to just be fuckbuddies, fine, but don't call it a romantic relationship. If you want to be in a romantic relationship and don't want to have sex, that's fine too.

But having sex free of sexual attraction in the context of an emotionally romantic relationship sounds like the nonace person is either being used as a sex doll or otherwise suffering and no, that's not terribly cool. That is sad.

I mean a woman and a gay man can totally have a sexual relationship but if she is in love with him and he's just fucking her because "hormones" I'd feel bad for her. How is this different?

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

da

What? Obviously, it's different because the ace would be in love with the sexual person. Maybe they'd even want to have sex with their partner sometimes, because it makes them happy to make their partner happy.

I don't really understand what your issue is. Are you saying that an asexual person can't have sex with a person they're in a romantic relationship with? That makes no sense. What makes you think the sexual person would be being "used"? Admittedly it can be hard for a relationship to work out when the sexual needs of the people involved are that different, but it's not impossible.

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

/diff

I'm asexual. If I were in a relationship with someone who wasn't and I loved them, and they wanted sex, they would get sex, provided I wasn't completely exhausted or in immense pain or something. Not because I was sexually attracted to them, but because I loved them and would want to do everything in my power to make them happy (because that would make me happy too!). I wouldn't feel like I'm being used as a sex doll at all.

It's perfectly possible as long as both people in the relationship are open and communicative about things. Some people don't mind doing things they don't really care about if it makes someone they care about happy. The anon above who compared it to going to a partner's business party (that one is not really interested in) is exactly right, it's like that.

Of course, I'm only one asexual and I'm only speaking for myself.

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

"The anon above who compared it to going to a partner's business party (that one is not really interested in) is exactly right, it's like that."

...this doesn't sound terribly romantic.

I guess I don't understand why a nonace person would want a sexual relationship with someone who approaches sex as a chore--a chore done out of love, but still a chore.

I mean obviously people deal with it but it sounds dismal.

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

Because the happiness of making my partner happy >>>>> the "pain" of doing a "chore". (I find sex neither painful or a chore. I won't go out of my way to get it because I simply don't care, but having sex with my partner would in no way inconvenience me.)

The comparison to the business party works because it too is something I don't care about, but will be happy to do for the happiness of my partner.

I don't understand why it's such a difficult concept to understand. Some people are perfectly happy just making other people happy.

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

...how the hell are you coming to the conclusion that the non-asexual person is being taken advantage of? Surely if anyone is using anyone, wouldn't it be the other way around?

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

I suppose if you're in a group deemed disadvantaged for some reason you can't possibly do anything hurtful.

I'm talking about asexuals who still want to have sex (but are still called asexual?). Basically having sex without wanting their partner sexually. Or something.

I'm beginning to think the term "asexual" is becoming increasingly meaningless. I have no problem with people who aren't attracted to other people but if asexuals want sex then there must be a better term than one that has the word sex in it.

Re: Asexuality

[(Anonymous)]

They are having sex without desiring their partners sexually because their /partner/ wants sex even though they themselves lack that drive. Left to their own devices they would probably never initiate and wouldn't miss it if they weren't getting any.