[ SECRET POST #2273 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2273 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 117 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ], [ 1 2 3 - trolls ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Can we not use snide remarks insinuating things about others to talk about basic human decency? I mean come on.

I think basic human decency is something that should be approved of. What is the use in putting that level down? If everyone achieved basic human decency the world would be a much finer place.

[kaijinscendre]

There is a hell of a difference between being a 'decent human' and whatever the hell Tumblr "social justice" is.

[(Anonymous)]

What the OP mentioned in the secret is not being racist/sexist/ableist/homophobic. I think all those count.

You hate tumblr SJW... ok, that's cool. I don't think OP was talking only about that tho.

[kaijinscendre]

Tumblr social justice is the only place you see those kinds of terms and self berating. Because the rest of the world is sane.

[diet_poison]

I see those terms in lots of places (and I actually don't think it's that hard to make the effort to not behave in those ways)

not sure what you mean by "self berating" though?

[chardmonster]

Approval isn't the same as praise, though.

When I was a kid I got approval for looking both ways when I crossed the street. This is very good kid safety practice. However, my parents were not all "CHARDMONSTER! YOU SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED GETTING HIT BY A BUS! GOLD STAR!" all the time. I only got that the first couple times.

The same with basic human decency. I'm not going to praise someone for not being mean to those around them. I'm not going to praise someone for not hating. Not unless they're a child or childlike and just figured this out.

Giving out gold stars for being decent is patronizing.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with that. I also think that if the person in question is coming out of something like being homophobic, racist, or sexist... they are that child that needs reinforcement, because that's where they are.

You might not think they deserve it for being "only decent" but if they're coming from a place worse than that, their improvements being recognized by someone else is good added incentive for them to want to stay there.

[chardmonster]

I agree with that within reason. The thing is that people appear to demand those gold stars for their entire life. Furthermore they want shiny gold stars and not just a happy thumbs up.

[(Anonymous)]

Which "people"? Are talking about noted trends, anecdata, people you personally know-?

I have never, ever seen someone who was formerly racist and truly wanted to change, for example, go up to someone else and demand praise for not hating on other races.

I have seen people trying to change who- before they got to that point, other people telling them "good on you" for picking up when they were inadvertently being racist/sexist/homophoic and trying to stop, sounded like it helped a lot.

[chardmonster]

I'm talking about people on the internet, more or less. I don't know anyone who's recovered from being a horrible homophobe or a racist because once I start hearing that gross stuff I tend to walk away. However I live in a part of the country where a lot people keep racism and homophobia under wraps because they don't WANT to be racist or homophobic, so that's a lot easier for me to do.

I've never seen someone in person walk up and demand praise for not being racist, but I've seen plenty of people do that online.

However this is playing into the differences between how people act in person and how they act on blogs and message boards.

[(Anonymous)]

You're talking about a particular subset of "people," then, the ones that change because they want attention and are fishing for compliments or approval. I'm talking about the larger set of "people who are changing" and many of them like the OP of the secret do it for other reasons, like not wanting to hurt people.

There are plenty of both types on the internet, but it's not fair to say only the former exist, or that all "people" are like the former.

[(Anonymous)]

And before you say "I've seen lots of Nice Guys talking about how they treat women well"- I mean people who truly want to change to not hurt others, not to get sex or social approval. Because those don't want to change, they've just given up on everyone else accepting their assholery.

[diet_poison]

Actually if people started being patronizing to me for something like that I'd be really annoyed and more inclined to go back to doing what I was doing...

But I may be unusual in this regard

[(Anonymous)]

The "basic" is kinda the keyword, though. Quoth DC Simpson: there's a reason people seldom say "Boy, Bob is a wonderful human being! Today he was really mad about something but he didn't beat anyone to death with a hammer!"

[(Anonymous)]

See above response to chardmonster.