fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2274 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2274 ⌋

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I have this friend, a friend with a very big heart, an I'm afraid that the extreme SJ ideology (and some academic leanings) has gotten to her.

She's become very depressed, and she feels that she is to blame for all of the worlds problems, and to blame for all of the bad things in history.I'm not joking, she's genuinely taken this as a cross.

Yes she's white.

I know this sounds juvenile but I can see it, I can see how's she's changed. She's so meek now, so quiet, and she never smiles.

I want to help her before she gets too deep. What do I say to her? How can I help her?

I want my friend back.

What you just said for starters. But to her. Remind her she's a good, loved person. By you, for one. Get her away from toxic influences if you can (is there some horrible website she frequents? Academics themselves are harder but remind her x professor isn't god)

I will try to get her off of some of the more toxic websites yes. I'm very close to her, so I know I can have a bit more influence than most of the people in our circle of friends.

The sad this is that this started with her genuine caring nature, and she's very bright and educated and she just wanted to become more aware of how things really are in the world. It just seemed like the extremist side of this seeped in, and it's got such a hold on her mentality.

She started treating me differently, and that was my warning sign.

As anon below said, obviously you can't just reach into her head and turn a switch. But you can definitely tell her you want her and you to be how you used to be. Asking her to treat you the way you want to be treated is hardly overstepping your bounds.

Give it some time. Be good to her and positive and encouraging and remind her about the good things that exist in the world. Be as excellent as you can be.

That actually happened to me a while back. As in, I was in your friend's situation.

Be her friend, remind her she's a kind and good person, remind her of good things she's actually done and good qualities she has. If she's on Tumblr, try to distract her away from there (not necessarily completely, just so she spends less time there). Don't try to argue her out of her opinions, though; I think you'll have to treat this the same way as helping someone get out of an emotionally abusive relationship or a destructive religious movement. It's got to be on her terms, or she might feel like she's gone back to the dark side (and not in the fun way) if she listens to you. Encourage her to think for herself and trust her own judgment in SJ questions, and remind her that kindness can never really be wrong.

One thing that helped me was learning that "actual" social justice activists are not too pleased about calling-out culture and other typical SJW behaviors, since they're often counterproductive.

Lastly, remember you can't fix your friend. Only she can do that, if and only if she wants to. And take care of yourself. *hugs*

Thank you very much for the advice. *hugs*

This.

Also, remind her that she isn't responsible for what other people have done in the past or the present.

Late reply is late, but maybe try to steer her towards some of those "faith in humanity restored" kinds of threads. Sometimes I get depressed just thinking about how some people are complete jerks or worse to other people, but hearing about how, say, a special olympics competitor's prosthetics broke, and a group of marines carried him over the finish line goes a long way in reminding me that not everyone is like that.

[ SECRET POST #2274 ]

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