fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2276 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2276 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Vikings]

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[Homestuck]

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[Spartacus]

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[Zettai Karen Children, The Unlimited Hyoubu Kyousuke]

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[From Eroica With Love]

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[Naruto]

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[Homestuck]

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[Ava's Demon]

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[Zero Escape]

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[Colin John Rudd]

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[Once Upon a Time]

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[ASOIAF/Game of Thrones]

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[Community]

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[Evangelion]

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[Discworld]

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[FFIV (Rydia)]

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[Teen Wolf/Harry Potter]

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Notes:

Sorry, late day at work.

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My boyfriend keeps posting photos of other women and talking about how pretty they are while he's dating me. I used to ignore it, but it's been bugging me more and more. I see people in longer relationships like my grandparents who don't do stuff like this, and I'm considering dumping him over this. Am I just being petty, or is this a "make or break" situation?

If it bothers you, then you should talk to him about it.

Your grandparents are from a different generation (and have been married longer than you've been dating this guy). Their relationship is not comparable to yours.

If you dump him without talking to him and letting you know this makes you uncomfortable, then yes. You are being petty. But you're the only one who can decide what a make-or-break situation is.

Every person is different, like for me? If it was celebs I wouldn't mind, but if it was say, models or even people he knows(skeevy!!) that would be a deal breaker.

I'd say just bring it up, if he scoffs at you and continues, dump him.

I would say dump him if he continues it when you've talked to him about it. I've found other people attractive too even though I'm in a long term relationship, but I keep it in my mind only because I know it would affect my partner's self-esteem.

There's no one size fits all answer here. Is it a make or break for you? You should really talk to your boyfriend about this. If he ignores your feelings and continues doing this then you need to decide if it's a make or break for you. (His disregard for your feelings would definitely be a break for me). I also think it's a little weird you brought your grandparents into this.. it was a different generation, one that didn't have social media or the comfortableness with sharing our innermost thoughts with a faceless audience so it's kind of a false comparison.

This is the sort of thing that depends on the relationship. For example, my husband and I are okay with one another pointing out attractive members of the opposite sex or posting pictures of people whom we find attractive (hell, he currently has a photo of a Suicide Girl as the background on his PC). However, not everyone is okay with this (such as those folks who are your models), and that's fine.

I would say that you should first think about why his behavior bothers you. Does it conflict with your values in a significant way? If it does, then talk to him about it; explain how you feel (and allow him to explain how he feels, as well). If you come out of the talk with the impression that your feelings have been considered and respected, then you're good to go. If he completely dismisses your feelings, then you may have a problem (I'll hasten to add that, in this case, it's the lack of respect that's the true issue), and you may have to consider breaking up with him.

It wouldn't bother me so I wouldn't say it's totally wrong, but that doesn't mean it can't bother you. Talk to him about it, see how he reacts. I agree with anonymouslyyours that if he disregards your feelings that makes him a douche.

yeah, like everyone else said, talk to him! he might genuinely not realize how bothersome it is to behave like that

whether or not he listens to you, and how he reacts afterward, will give you a better idea of whether you want to continue to be together or not

If it bothers you, you should talk to him about it-- calmly, without getting upset or confrontational. Maybe just a quizzical, "What's up with that?" If you're cool and collected and he gets defensive, that tells you something-- namely that he knows he's being a douche. If he knows it upsets you and continues doing it, well, that tells you even more.

It also depends on who these other women are. If they're celebrities, that might get a little more slack. If they're people you know/mutual friends, then dude, just no, and he's a jerk for doing this.

Whether or not this is a dumping offense depends on what kind of relationship you guys have, but honestly, I look askance at a guy who's clueless enough to do this without giving a moment's thought to how it might look to his partner. I also look askance at a guy who feels the need to give unsolicited running commentaries on random womens' attractiveness because... why do it?

If your boyfriend does anything that bothers you to the point where you want to dump him, try asking him not to do it. And see if he stops.

You will never have a psychic/perfect boyfriend.

Echoing on all people aren't the same and if it is bothering you, talk to him about it. Don't come outright accusing him of anything, just say that it bugs you and why. Hopefully he'll be understanding and stop.

[ SECRET POST #2276 ]

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