fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2276 ]

[ SECRET POST #2276 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2276 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[The Vikings]

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03.

[Homestuck]

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04.

[Spartacus]

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05.

[Zettai Karen Children, The Unlimited Hyoubu Kyousuke]

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06.

[From Eroica With Love]

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07.

[Naruto]

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08.

[Homestuck]

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09.

[Ava's Demon]

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10.

[Zero Escape]

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11.

[Colin John Rudd]

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12.

[Once Upon a Time]

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13.

[ASOIAF/Game of Thrones]

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14.

[Community]

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15.

[Evangelion]

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16.

[Discworld]

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17.

[FFIV (Rydia)]

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18.

[Teen Wolf/Harry Potter]

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Notes:

Sorry, late day at work.

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 050 secrets from Secret Submission Post #325.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Is it common to use complaining as stress relief? I'm not a complaining person, so It's kind of difficult for me to understand.

I was just wondering about this, because my sister's form of stress relief seems to be complaining at me NONSTOP. Every day I pick her up from work, she spends the entire half hour drive home complaining about what happened all day, and she goes into crazy amount of detail. And then throughout the entire night, she'll repeat the stories to me, like she's forgot that she already told me.
It's becoming seriously annoying because she gets pissed at me when I try to suggest solutions to the problems saying "I JUST WANT TO VENT! I don't want you to solve it!" but... WHY? Get a livejournal. I don't care.

oh yes, I commiserate with people and it totally makes me feel better. XD But usually they're complaining back to me about stuff and we suggest really off the wall ways to solve our problems and it becomes this huge ridiculous thing that ends with us laughing. So. Yeah. XD

I complain, it is a part of my personality. It is stress relief for me, if it is written (like the people following my journal know too well) or if it is to my RL friends or family.

It is just a way to let off steam, I know it does not matter that much so I would just rather complain and get it off my chest, than letting it sit in my brain becoming something bigger.

I know it wont solve anything, nor am I looking to get stuff solved, I just want it to get out. If I want advice I ask for it.

I vent a lot, yeah. Lately I've tried to be more positive and not complain about every little thing, so I wouldn't complain about work for half an hour every single day... but when I'm really frustrated, nothing could help more than complaining at someone and having them get mad with me. 'xD

Honestly if her complaining is constant and nothing can make her happy I'd say you should tell it to her face that you don't care, or at least that you'd rather not be dragged down all the time. If she has genuine problems then it's probably best to tough it out and listen to her.

I don't complain much. Although I do tend to be a critical/negative person in general. And I think I would probably be healthier if I did complain more.

But mostly I'm the same as you.

She sounds like my mother.

I do it a bit, but I try not to weigh people down with it.

Try to catch yourself before you make a suggestion. Just tell her "yeah, that sucks, they're assholes, wow I can't believe they did that to you."

That doesn't really fix the problem but it's probably all you can do right now.

Yes. God yes. I have a locked twitter just for bitching. XD

I do this as well!

Sometimes, and I definitely get the "I don't need you to solve it, I just want to vent" impulse, but I don't think I'm nearly as bad as some people I know. Honestly, pretty much every time I talk to my mom, I'd say at least85% of the conversation is nothing but her bitching. We were talking yesterday and she actually said that she was happy and had a good life and I was pretty much shocked because you wouldn't know it from the way she complains nonstop. She's horrible at handling stress though so I guess that's just how she copes.

Oooo yea. I wouldn't say constantly and there does tend to be a 'cut off' point where I feel, "I've complained enough, I'm going to shut up now", but it can be a nice stress reliever.

The only people I actively complain to are people who've expressed that they're cool with it - which as of right now, is just my boyfriend. On the other hand, I know his suggestions to solve things are his way of expressing that he cares about my problems and wants to help me. But yeah, I bitch and moan about a lot of things, and sometimes it doesn't matter if there's a solution because venting just makes me feel better about the whole thing. And then I implement the solution if I can.

But yeah, if you're not cool with being talked at for her relief and she's not cool with your reaction, then...she should probably get a journal or join a forum to vent about these things. Especially since that'll also let her vent about the same thing over and over again and her friends can just scroll on by... And then she can vent about that!

I love to complain. It can get pretty glorious. (Generally I like it when people give me solutions though. I'll continue to vent about it but will make them aware that I like their solution and will probably try it once I'm done venting.)

Thing is, I make sure I either vent to empty air or people who care about what I have to say. If it irritates you let her know and tell her to stop. Seriously, she shouldn't be bringing you into it as an unwilling participant.

Hell yes, I complain to let off steam, because bottling it up inside just makes me more angry and frustrated. But I'm looking for a sympathetic ear, not necessarily for someone to make suggestions, and if I want advice, I will ask for it. A few things you might try with your sister:

1) Instead of saying, "Maybe you should _________", ask (with sincerity as if you're interested to know, not sarcastically) "What do you think you should do about it?"

2) Imposing a time limit on a bitch session. It's nice to be sympathetic, but you're not obligated to do it 24/7 without a break. Announce that you're keeping the bitch session to 15 minutes on the ride home to vent about the day's events, then the remaining 15 minutes is happy music time. Singing along and doing jazz hands is encouraged, but optional.

3) Gently saying things like, "I don't mind you venting a little, but I feel emotionally drained and need a break. Let's talk about [forceful change of subject]."

4) Also, yeah, maybe blogging off the frustration isn't a bad idea.

Completely agree to this.

Sometimes, with specific people. I'll feel infuriated and just want someone to sympathize and tell me I'm not overreacting. I will say having someone give me unsolicited advice when I'm venting can feel like they're implying I did something wrong or am unable to handle myself.

What you're describing sounds like a little much though, especially the repetition. Maybe she repeats her stories because she's not getting the reaction she wants and thinks you didn't understand why she was so upset. Generally just agree that whoever she was complaining about was being unreasonable and sympathize a little?

It's kind of a sticky situation because it sounds like she needs an outlet but it's taxing on you to have to provide that for her. If the repetition keeps up try and tactfully let her know that you want to be supportive of her but that it frustrates you to hear her same complaints over and over when she's made it clear there's nothing you can do to help.

Yes, that is the part that is most bothersome to me. I don't mind her venting right after work, it's just that she continues it throughout the night, repeating the same ones. It made me feel like she was trying to get ideas for how to fix it, so I started offering ideas for solutions but then she gets angry at me.
It just makes it really uncomfortable because lately I hate even spending time with her.
And then sometimes my dad is in the car and I have to act as a buffer, because he just does not even get that she dislikes suggestions, which ends up being even more stressful as then I have two shouting people to steer into calm waters. D: They are both very, very easily offended so it's just hard and I'm afraid to ask her to cull the venting a bit in case she feels like I'm telling her she is wrong.

Some people make such a habit of pissing and moaning that ranting gets to be their primary mode of speech; your sister might be one. You have absolutely no obligation to be the receptacle for someone else's bile. Plus, there's good research to support the claim that venting doesn't relieve stress, anger or bad moods at all--that it actually worsens and prolongs a bad mood--so you'd be doing your sister a favor by telling her to put a sock in it and go for a jog or something.

My best friend and I complain to each other about everything. We tend to agree and offer a bit of, "Ulgh, yeah, that's so jacked up!" or "What a loser!" Things like that. LOL

I mean, it's not all we talk about but when I'm feeling like shit, I know I can call him and complain a little and I feel better, and then we go on to talk about the usual stuff.

I think some people, like me, need to verbalize their emotions, especially negative ones, to get rid of them. It's also...comforting, I guess(???) to have someone there to listen and agree to your complaints (even if it's not really sincere, but I don't need to know that).

If you're tired of your sister's complaints you should tell her to tell someone else. Or you can tell her, "Look, you get to bitch for (X) minutes, and that's it!"

A some of my friends do and a few those do a lot, but I really don't complain much. Apparently it's at least a bit out of the ordinary, because a few people have specifically mentioned that I don't complain about people.

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[ SECRET POST #2276 ]

Do you complain a lot?

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