fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2284 ]

[ SECRET POST #2284 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2284 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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This is basically only an excuse for me to whine like a child. I am sorry f!s. But feel free to vent about your day or your week or whatever is pent up inside you that you need out.

I haven't been to classes in several weeks and have missed probably 3 tests. I started self harming again. Now I have cut myself off from people on twitter and tumblr. I am not going to tell anyone IRL though. I can't. I don't want to have to listen to their words or have them look at me or anything after I tell them how bad off I am. I know I should go to therapy or hospitalize myself or something. But part of me just doesn't care anymore. This will probably all explode in my face soon but until then I will just keep sleeping 12+ hours a day and doing stuff on the computer I don't actually enjoy. It just.....sucks.

I had to take my dog walking in the sleet twice yesterday so now I am sick. Feels like the beginning of the flu. And I am still getting super bad cramps because I am on my period. AND THE DOG WON'T STOP WHINING AT ME ABOUT WANTING TO GO OUT EVEN THOUGH IT IS RAINING AND HE JUST WENT OUT. How is everyone else?

Can that emotion be anxiety? I start a job soon, and it sees okay...besides standing up for long periods of time and working with this girl who use to work with my mother and try and take advantage of people for off days.

OP, I have pretty bad depression and I was in your place a few months ago. Talk to somebody and get help. It will get better. :C

I relapsed into self harming too. :(
I injured my knee last week and I'm waiting for it to stop hurting so I can go to the gym again, but I'm getting close to relapsing with my anorexia too. It's scary.

But I recently got close to a girl thaT I think might like me. I'm too scared that she doesn't to do anything, though.

Well Fucking Pollen Season started early this year, and because I am lazy and haven't changed my GP to one that is in the same city as me I haven't gotten any allergy medicine so I can't fucking breathe and my throat hurts, and both my wrists are itchy (probably another allergic reaction to something) and I can't be arsed to get out of bed to get my hydrocortisone cream and well life sucks and I feel sorry for myself. ~~and I realize now that I am an idiot, I can just call my doctor and make him write me a prescription, electronic prescriptions are put into use in my current city too now...~~

On top of that I got career day at school tomorrow, so I can't stay in bed...

Edited (HTML... I suck at it. ) 2013-04-04 23:11 (UTC)

I had one class at 8 am and didn't have my second until 4 pm. I really should have just skipped my class because then I had to take the busses home and didn't arrive until 6:30.

I did something really dumb and I can't stop worrying about the consequences.

Anon... I'm going to assume you probably feel the same way about online people telling you things or 'looking' at you as you do about RL people, so I'll not try to comfort you. If I'm mistaken and you'd be willing to accept sympathy, you can say so in a reply. As is, all I'll say on that front is that you don't sound like a child - you sound like a deeply miserable adult.

Down to brass tacks, then.
IRL, if you can fake normalcy long enough to scrape your way back up in your classes or file the paperwork to receive Incompletes on them/whatever you need to do to make it up later, try to do so. Also, please see a doctor to see if you can get medication. Even if your emotional state can't be improved by meds, they ought to at least improve your RL functioning a bit. :\

Anyway, here's a list of hotlines that may be relevant. Remember, these people's jobs are to aid their callers, so don't get fussed about bothering them or taking up their time.
Hotline List:

Self-Injury Hotline
SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program
www.selfinjury.com
1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Help Finding a Therapist
1-800-THERAPIST (1-800-843-7274)

Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
1-800-999-9999

Good luck with getting through this, anon. It can get better. I've seen people hit lows like you're at and gradually recover. I've been in a similar place (minus self-injury) myself. So... no matter how bad it is, it can improve. Until then, you've just got to survive.

Again, good luck, anon.

Anon, please, get into therapy. Please. Or at least go and talk to someone.

In the meantime, my favorite uncle died suddenly exactly two weeks ago, the funeral was last week. My boss decided to not believe me when I said I needed to go to the hospital about my uncle, and punished me by putting me in the worst hours possible for the past two weeks. My toilet decided to explode (and I own my own house, so it's on me to get it fixed). One of my dogs got very sick, and the vet can't figure out what's wrong with her.

guardian_song listed a bunch of really good places to call if you feel yourself spiraling. I have had low periods in my life and calling a help line can give a bit of reprieve from your emotions.

OP, I've been there. I don't know if it will help any, but things did get much better for me, in time. I'm sure things will get better for you, too. I'm not saying it will be easy, or quick, but I know you have brighter days ahead of you. So... just don't give up, okay?

I hope you get the help you need and things get better anon. Please talk to someone about this. You deserve to get better.

I am going into the second week of a minor flu that has nonetheless aggravatingly sapped me of my voice, my motivation, my appetite, and basically my will to live. The stress at work is not helping either. Can you say "downsizing" boys and girls????? D-:

sa misfire sorry yeeugh

Of all days, today was the day my department manager picked to start doing observations and critiquing how I interact with customers and upsell products and the store credit card. Normally, I would've been fine (maybe a little upset, but nothing a break wouldn't have smoothed over), but because I'm sick and on my period (I'm sick!anon a thread below this), everything just came to a head and I broke down. I'm still scared they're gonna fire me even though the HR manager was worried I was gonna quit (which I'm not because I desperately need this job), she's said that they try not to fire people, and a department coworker mentioned that I'm pretty much the only summer help they're gonna get. So I know logically that I'm pretty safe, but I just can't stop being upset and feeling like the Worst Employee Ever. I like my department, but I'm pretty sure I upsold myself a little too much during the interview and I think they're expecting me to know more than I do. I should've just said that I know jack shit because then at least they would've known they were going to be starting from scratch with me. Uhg.

I can't even be proud of learning how to do a phone order two days ago because I'm not in Customer Service and it will hardly apply to me and I'll likely forget how to do the damn thing the next time somebody else needs it.

If a certain someone doesn't start actually telling me what the fuck is wrong then I'm going to start taking their passive-aggressive 'I'm fine's at face value because for fuck's sake I am not spending every other conversation trying to winkle out the sekrit pain you're hiding behind tense unhappy monosyllabic assertations that everything's okay.

SA

Annnnd I just realised that this reads like it's aimed at OP. This is most definitely NOT meant for OP. (Unless by some crazy internet coincidence the friend to whom I am referring also frequents f!s and made the original post. Which I highly, extremely doubt. Because she tends to make vagueposts to her tumblr instead of being anywhere near as straightforward as OP.)

I literally just saw someone write "BAD PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO MAKE GOOD THINGS!!!!" and I kind of want my head to explode a little bit. Because the person saying it works for a library, apparently is responsible for getting books, and if she had slightly less scruples, would not allow the library to provide Ender's Game, because Orson Scott Card is a dickwad.

And I get that OSC is a dickwad, and I get the idea of not wanting to support people you find to hold abhorrent views (even while you're praising this thing that they did) but choosing not to buy something for your personal collection is different than not buying something the public is asking for in their public library because you don't like the author, and I'm just all kinds of UGH over this, for some reason.

Plus, even ignoring the grossness of the phrase "bad people" -- "bad people *shouldn't be allowed* to make good things" is a dumbass thing to say.

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[ SECRET POST #2284 ]

Vent those emotions

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