[ SECRET POST #2284 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2284 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 015 secrets from Secret Submission Post #326.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - random porn ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm no Carol fan, I'll admit (Though it's because I'll never relate to or respect staying with a man who hurts your child pre-zombie apocalypse. And don't fucking tell me she had no choice. Just don't. It's not true and it won't be true despite what your emotions may tell you. Emotions aren't meant to rule you.)

...but 1) she's not that popular, 2) she's not that plain looking, 3) being old gains you no popularity in fandom.

[(Anonymous)]

The thing is, abuse fucks with your head. Abusers train their victims to believe that they're helpless and powerless and wouldn't survive without them. And in small-town Georgia, Carol might not have had access to the sort of support resources that many women turn to when they try to escape abusive relationships. If her family wasn't around anymore or accepted Ed's behavior as normal (as far too many people do), who could have helped her? Abusers also systematically isolate their victims from friends and family who might support them against the abuser, or from whom the victim might get some validation and self-worth. And without friends, family, or a shelter to help her, she might have been legitimately worried about how she would feed her child, especially if she'd been a stay-at-home mother with no work experience in more than a decade, if ever. Not to mention the fear that if she did manage to leave him somehow, he might track her down and harm her and her daughter.

Remember a few episodes back, when Carol told Andrea about how she should kill the Governor? It seemed pretty obvious to me, based on the passion with which she expressed the plan and the detail of it, that she'd been holding onto that same plan to deal with Ed for a long time, and only didn't because she would lose Sophia if she murdered her husband. That tells me that Carol saw no other option for escaping him than murder.

And that's how it is for a lot of real-life abuse victims -- their abusers go to a lot of trouble to keep them trapped and put up obstacles, emotional, financial, and physical, to prevent their escape. The fact that some women do eventually manage to get away means that they should be praised, not that the ones that don't should be condemned.

[(Anonymous)]

No. No. And no. This idea we've got in our culture that abuse victims have all these reliable ways to escape abuse and if they don't they're bad people is bullshit. We like to pretend there's soooo many resources and ways to get away but the truth is, there isn't.

There are few crisis centers/Women's shelters in rural areas, where Carl may have lived. Even in more populated areas getting to a crisis center can take resources abused women don't have. Like access to transportation or money to fuel a car/take a bus/take a cab/ect. Police, despite what tv likes to tell us, are no help. Ex. I was beat by my partner in front of two sheriff's deputies. I looked them in the eye and asked for help. They stood there watching, drinking their coffee, and eventually left. Never lifted a finger. Many times, especially in small towns/rural areas, police are reluctant to do anything about abuse as its still stigmatized and thought of as a 'woman's problem'.

Not everyone is lucky enough to have family and friends who are willing to help them. Often abusers separate the victim from their support. Who's to say that Carol had anyone in her life willing to help? Hell, half my family told me to suck it up when I told them about the abuse and asked for support so I could leave. Who's to say the same wasn't happening to Carol?

Further more, what if she had tried and failed? Abuse can get sooo much worse if the abuser finds out you tried to escape or told someone. That fear is a very powerful thing in keeping you from trying every again.

And I want to point out we never saw Ed hurt Sophia on screen or had any mention of canon he ever touched her. In fact, we saw Carol keep her from being alone with her father. This is her way of protecting her child, possibly the only way she had because America just likes preaching about all the resources we have instead of actually providing.

And before I hear something about how people will listen if they think a child is being abused. Nope. I've seen people willingly turn a blind eye to child abuse more times than I can count. Hell, recently I know of a convicted child molester granted custody of three toddlers! And then people acted honestly confused when he hurt those kids. Then they gave him one back! Because that's the shitty world we live in.

Some people get choices and that's great for them. Really it is and I am happy for them from the bottom of my heart. But don't act like everyone has those choices. Just don't.

[(Anonymous)]

(Anon above you who tried to explain some of these things)

I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that (and more that you didn't describe, I'm sure). I hope you were eventually able to find a way out, or that you are able to soon. *hugs if wanted* You're absolutely right that people in abusive relationships are often cut off from most or all of their escape options -- that's the nature of abuse, and the nature of a society that normalizes abuse. Neither you nor anyone else who has been through domestic abuse should ever be blamed for not getting out.

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you. I was able to leave the situation some time ago but sadly, I know my former partner has continued his cycle with other individuals. (the last of which I can happily say recently escaped and has made a fabulous life for herself far, far away)

I thought your explanation was much more concise and pleasant than mine, and I'm glad to see I'm not the only one to think this way.

[(Anonymous)]

Police, despite what tv likes to tell us, are no help

Yeah. It isn't domestic abuse, it is domestic arguments. Private matter, none of their business. Up to the couple to resolve. Up to the Husband to sort out, never the woman involved (which manages to be an equal opportunities hindrance on the rare occasions it is female-on-male abuse too).

Yeah, all new police officers and deputies are supposed to be trained, and get additional training to say that attitude is wrong. But ongoing training isn't a budget priority these days, so top up training almost never happens. Defying the "politically correct" is seen as a good thing and a badge of honor. Good old peer pressure happens when new meat officer is taken under the wing of grizzled old hand to tell them "all the things they didn't teach you at the academy, and what to leave alone". And of course the good old Blue Wall of Silence, where is one bigot in uniform decides to let the abuser off the hook, the rest will aid and abet in public and reserve any criticism for inside the locker room.

Plus misogyny is rampant throughout American culture right now for some reason.

[(Anonymous)]

Abuse victims are at their most vulnerable when they leave the abuser. She and Sophia could very well have been killed by that asshole Ed.