[ SECRET POST #2286 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2286 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 100 secrets from Secret Submission Post #327.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I have a feeling you are not using "trigger" correctly.

[(Anonymous)]

How are you going to know that. It is perfectly possible that this friend has a behaviour, often says things or has attitudes that give OP panic attacks or make them have flashbacks.

This is something fandom desperately needs to learn that the "common triggers" that everyone demands for as warnings are not the only ones in existence and especially NOT THE ONLY VALID ONES. Different people can have different triggers and they're not always going to be rape, violence, discrimination of various kinds, self-harm, mental disorders, eating disorders, abuse and so on.

That does not make them any less real or valid. Learn. That.

[(Anonymous)]

You're adorable.

[dazzledfirestar]

And a lot of fandom needs to learn that something that makes you go "Ew that's gross!" and hit the back button is not a trigger.

There are two sides to this.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Yeah, but not really their point. How *does* anyone here know if the OP's trigger isn't really a trigger? Just because it's a non-typical trigger doesn't make it any less possible. For example, I have two non-typical triggers. One I literally run away from when it comes up in real life [and it's not a stop, think - it's just -see it, and next thing I'm sprinting the fuck away-'] and even dealing with online images causes me to start going into a panic attack and the other, thankfully has to do with touching a specific thing so online can't effect it, but it causes me obsessively to wash my hands bloody raw just to get it away from me.

However, neither is a typical trigger [and they *are* triggers] and I'd probably have the same reaction the OP would if I came across a friend who regularly hit those triggers.

[dazzledfirestar]

I'm going to level with you, anon. The term trigger has been devalued so much within fandom at this point, that it is really hard to tell who means what. If you told me "Please don't do this, it's a trigger for me." I would take you at your word, of course. I don't want to intentional harm anyone.

But when I see people talking about a squick, and it's very clearly NOT causing them harm but they're calling it a trigger because that's the buzz word this moment and they think calling it that will keep them from ever running across that icky thing again... that devalues it to the point where people like yourself and the OP probably won't be taken seriously.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Oh, I understand what you're saying and I completely agree that it's been devalued and over used. I was simply saying that the other anon was pointing out there's no way to know that it really isn't a trigger for the OP, instead of a 'Oh, ew!' squick.

[dazzledfirestar]

Yes, I understand that. I was just trying to give some reasoning why someone wouldn't instantly accept that it's a legitimate trigger. Sorry for the confusion.

[(Anonymous)]

It's not the world's job to make sure no one is ever triggered. If someone is triggered by random things that don't fall under the major clusters of things that everyone is triggered by, that sucks for them, but it's not something that they can claim they deserve protection from. And unfortunately, common usage has turned "trigger" into "something I deserve to be protected from" rather than "something that really powerfully induces flashbacks/panic/etc which is my own problem that I need to find a way to deal with."

[(Anonymous)]

But everyone who has the "common" triggers deserves to be protected from them and they're not "something that really powerfully induces flashbacks/panic/etc which is my own problem that I need to find a way to deal with."?

Because that is exactly the problem people have been trying to address here. A trigger isn't common, you dismiss it as not as bad as all those others. It's just something that they need to "get over".

Added to that is the problem that ANY ONE of those issues handled as "common triggers" can manifest in many other triggers. It's not just "the fact" of rape or abuse or self-harm, but also sights, sounds, scents, words, phrases that can be triggering.

Do these people still just need to get over it? After all their cause falls under your "accepted" list.

[dazzledfirestar]

They don't need to just "get over it" but they (and everyone else) need to take some responsibility and self police a little.

And in the OP's case, talk to their friend about it. Say "Look this is really troublesome and really bothers me. Could you please stop?"

You can't avoid triggering someone if you don't know you're causing harm. Communication would help everyone in cases like this.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt

I doubt they're using the word trigger correctly because of the entire secret, not because they clarified it wasn't rape of self-harm related. It sounds like they're using trigger to mean "thing that upsets me", which is something that happens because people encounter the term trigger in fandom all the time without really understanding what it is. You're not wrong but our skepticism is pretty understandable.

[(Anonymous)]

Legitimate triggers aren't only associated with rape or self-harm. They can also be connected to drug addiction, eating disorders, or PTSD from non-rape trauma. I assumed they clarified because fandom tends to assume that rape and self-harm are the only trigger causes.