[ SECRET POST #2296 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2296 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 056 secrets from Secret Submission Post #328.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I feel you OP, I hate how everyone assumes that I will change my mind when I'm older. Just because I'm female does not mean that I have to want children or that I will grow into the idea. It's sexism, they never say this to a guy.

[(Anonymous)]

I must be the only female in the world who has never been told I'll change my mind about wanting kids (if I was, I'd remember it) or pressured by people in real life.

[(Anonymous)]

No, me neither. But I also don't go around telling people I don't want kids all the time. I mean, when does that ever come up?

[kallanda_lee]

I'm not sure how old you are, but with time it often comes up because other people bring it up when inquiring when (not if) you're going to procreate.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm in my late twenties, and no person has ever brought up my need to procreate that I can remember. And if they did, I still wouldn't respond with I NEVER WANT CHILDREN.

[fuchsiascreams]

Pretty much this. When people find out how long I've been with my boyfriend (nine years), they always ask when (not if) we're planning on having kids, and when I say "never", they always tell me that I WILL change my mind when I get older, even if they don't know me.

[akacat]

"How many kids do you have" seems to be pretty common small talk, especially between coworkers. And the response "None, I have cats" seems to be automatically translated as "I don't want kids" most of the time.

Not that I've ever been pestered about it, beyond one dimwit who thought all women should get knocked up, stay at home with the kid(s) and leave the scary world of Employment to the big strong menz. He was pretty universally mocked by everyone else in the office.

[orangescones]

My parents always ask for grandchildren, and recently I've had a conversation about wanting to adopt children because we started talking about our families so... yeah. I guess it comes up when you talk about the future or your family.

[oftheark]

I'm pretty sure I'm one of two females (my sister being the other one) who has a mother who is pretty damn happy she has no grandchildren. Of course, I also grew up with a couple of very positive female family members who had no children by choice, so it wasn't an unusual situation to me.

[fuchsiascreams]

It happens pretty often in my family. For example, it'll occasionally come up when I talk to my dad, and his response 100% of the time is, "You're young, you'll change your mind when you're older". What? I'm 23 and I've been saying this to you since I was five years old. My aunts and my grandfather occasionally ask me when I'm going to have kids (then again, these are the same aunts who told me that I should choose a more ~feminine~ career than medicine - why don't I be a nurse or an artist?), and when I say "never", they always, always tell me that I'll change my mind when I get older and meet the right person. AGAIN, I HAVE BEEN AN ADULT FOR OVER FIVE YEARS NOW, AND I'VE BEEN WITH THE SAME GUY FOR NINE YEARS, SO I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN BY "WHEN I'M OLDER" AND "THE RIGHT PERSON".

[(Anonymous)]

No one ever told me that, either. There were no tears or surprises when the time passed where I could have had kids. I think my family just always knew I wouldn't and so did my SO's.

[childings.livejournal.com]

I mean, my mother said something to the effect of "one of you four children has to give me grandchildren at some point, c'mon" when I told her I was getting tubal ligation, but other than that, I haven't really been pressured. When strangers find out I'm married sometimes they ask me if I have kids or I'm having kids but when I say no they don't press the issue.

I would say more than half of the people I know from high school have children now and I'm happy for them, they all seem like great parents

[(Anonymous)]

I've had my mother tell me several times 'oh you'll change your mind, you'll see' and it never gets any less annoying no matter how many times I tell her that I wont have kids(it came up recently when my brother had his first kid, which yay for him but ugh mum, pick your moments please).

I'm not discounting what you've said and actually it's pretty awesome that you haven't had anyone say this to you ever.

[deadtree]

where do you live? I find that I get asked that question a lot now that I live in a small Southern town (as a teacher, ironically...) but never did while in a city.

ayrt

[(Anonymous)]

I've lived my whole life in a few different suburbs of a major US city, so you may be right.

[(Anonymous)]

Lucky. I usually want to punch people when this condescending bullshit comes up.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree with you right up to the point you say they never say this to a guy. I'm sure it's different in different places around the world but in the part of America where I live, people say things to both men and women over 35 who don't have children. They either ask them constantly when they are going to have children or they try to convince them they have to, and frequently the older generation uses guilt to encourage them to have children.

[(Anonymous)]

mte. The older generation usually picks on the man more from what I've seen.

[kallanda_lee]

I'm not sure they "pick" on them more, but it's often assumed that men are the "immature ones" who refuse to "give" their female partner a child. I know people quite frequenntly assume this is the case in my relationship.

[childings.livejournal.com]

Just to jump in on this point, yeah, it can be seen as a way of questioning a man's masculinity, especially if they are married or in a long-term relationship and they haven't "managed" to get their partner pregnant.

[childings.livejournal.com]

One of my close male friends gets harassed by his mom all the time about having children and he's only 25, and unmarried

[(Anonymous)]

His mom sounds like a psycho.

[(Anonymous)]

And let's not act like it's strangers here. Your parents want grandkids. They want to be that grandparent they remember. Maybe it's selfish, but it's in no way meant to be the kind of shaming people make it out to be.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree that it's super annoying, but I disagree that they never say this to guys. They do, all the time.

[(Anonymous)]

Every married female relative I have who doesn't have children yet (or doesn't plan to ever have them) has been asked this question in my presence. And I've had a lot of female relatives who fit that description. The ones who don't want kids say that and are told they'll change their minds. This persists into the mid-30s. My one cousin is turning 40 soon, though, and I think they've finally stopped saying that to her.

With the female relatives who aren't married yet, the question is when they're getting married, or if they're dating anyone if that's not known.

I luck out because I am a gender-weird queer who has never brought a date to a family function. I think they all wrote me out of the reproductive pool long ago.