[ SECRET POST #2296 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2296 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 056 secrets from Secret Submission Post #328.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[kallanda_lee]

While you have a point in there, you're also a bit of a dick. I do not know how well you know this woman, but if it's just an internet friend in fandom, you might not know the exact details of her situation.

Also as someone in that age range, who's been unemployed for a year: I find it really annoying when people go about telling me how easy it is to get a job. It isn't. Jobs in my field are scarce, and often jobs for low-schooled people won't hire me because they realize I'm just doing it for the money and would leave if there are better opportunities.

Honestly, the way you describe your friend, they might be depressed (self-destructive behavior, not finding a job, not meeting new people), and your judgement is rather assholish.

[(Anonymous)]

+1 Especially about the judgement for someone in their 30s not having a job. A lot of my friends in their late 20s and early 30s are unemployed right now, it's just not a good job market.

And that's hard even if you don't have clinical depression, I've seen friends who are normally very upbeat people turn into very depressed and unmotivated people.

And the sad thing is it doesn't seem to matter how proactive you are, because even those who aren't letting the depression get to them are having a rough time.

[(Anonymous)]

sometimes you can't control what happens to you.

you can control how you react.

if depression is how you choose to react by wallowing in your own self-pity juices, then I don't know what to tell you.

but being 'zomg depressed' and unmotivated is not clinical depression.

'zomg depressed' can be cured by pulling your head out of your ass.

[(Anonymous)]

Where I live, one of my co-workers used to work at a pretty high paying job for the city. She's in here 30's, very pretty, very personable, charismatic, lots of good work experience and references

and now she is divorced, living at her mother's house with her teen daughters, and she works at a high stress receptionist job that pays her pennies for doing a lot of different work that is more like three jobs combined into one.

It took her nearly a year to find solid work, and even the temp job opportunities were often scarce.

I've heard lots of similar stories from other people I know here, my family, and anecdotes handed down through other people. Point being, it's not always 'zomg depressed' when you need money, need work, and face a constant stream of rejection for months on end.

Perhaps it's not what you would call a mental illness per se, but it's a little more than them needing to get their heads out of their respective asses, and it's definitely not necessarily a 'choice' for many.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes. I've been in a similar situation, and am in that age range too, and I lost fandom friends because of it. All I wanted was to be able to vent, and hope for a bit of support. I regret it now that I'm a lot better.

Judging and abandoning is not a great way to go about 'helping' this person. If you can't handle it, step away but don't be a dick about it.

[(Anonymous)]

It isn't that the friend is unemployed, it's that they're not trying to get a job and whining about not having a job. That's how I read it, anyway. It sounds to me like OP's friend probably is depressed and OP says they haven't had it easy, too. But personal responsibility has to come into it and I can easily believe that OP's friend doesn't have any because I've been watching people fail out of school online for a couple years now. It's very common on twitter and tumblr for college students to actually brag about not doing any of their schoolwork and then complain a little while later about failing a test or getting a bad grade on a paper. And yes, some of them do get thrown out of school for it. If OP's friend is depressed, then they need to seek treatment. But from what this secret tells us about them, it doesn't sound like they seek anything but pity.

[kallanda_lee]

I guess what I'm saying with the job thing: people underestimate how much you're actually trying (and how difficult it is), and what a negative psychological effect it can have on you.

I mean, the whole process of searching for job, then finding almost none to apply to, hardly even getting an answer from those you do apply to, day in day out is one of the most soul-destroying things there is, even if you're not actually depressed.

Sure there is such a thing as personal responsibility - but to a lot of us online is a place where we vent when we cannot in real life.
OP has every right not to want to listen to thing venting - and if so, they should just tell the person and not make all these judgements behind their back.

[(Anonymous)]

I am decently qualified (and now that I've got a job well reviewed by all around me) in a field that has a shortage. It took me half a fucking year of applying to several jobs daily to get four interviews, of which the last was finally successful.

OP's suggestion to list with the job center and local companies misses the main suggestion (look at offers online) which would actually be helpful for someone who has trouble leaving the house. So either their friend is already doing it, or OP is just being kind of a dick?

Money's on the latter, considering "just leave the house lolol".

OP here

[(Anonymous)]

I actually know her in real life. We went to the same uni together and became friends through fandom. I moved away a few years ago but we've kept in touch. So while I might not know all the exact details, I know quite a bit.

And I didn't mean to offend anyone who is currently unemployed. I have never personally experienced it, but I know people who have been unemployed because the job market is shit or they are over qualified. It sucks and I hope you'll find something soon.

Her case is different though. When I moved, I had to quit my job (which was just an ordinary student job, anyone could do it really). At the time, I spoke to my boss about it and when he said he'd have to find someone to replace me, I told him I had a friend who was looking for a job. He told me to bring her along for one of my shifts and if she did alright he'd hire her. I was really excited for her but when I told her about it she didn't wanna come and made excuses about it.

THAT'S what annoys me. I basically handed her an okay-paid job on a gold platter and she just said no without even trying it. And she still kept complaining about not getting a job.