[ SECRET POST #2297 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2297 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 038 secrets from Secret Submission Post #328.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

As the recipient, once upon a time, of an older friend who regularly said things like, "Omg, you're just like me! I used to do that!" I can say: please stop.

I think it's really easy to see ourselves in other people; that's how empathy works. But it can go too far into either paternalism, self-flattery, or helicopter-style worry. Sounds like you're in either the first or last category, and neither seems to be helping *you* too much.

If what you're seeing is self-destructive tendencies, I understand the worry, but I've also found, in my experience, that self-destructive people (especially, but not always, if they are young) often are that way because they don't trust themselves to make good choices, or they rationalize everything they do way too easily. Sometimes it's even both, kind of flip-flopping depending on the situation. In either situation, frequent unsolicited advice is often a sign to them that you *don't* trust them to make the right choices, which either tells them that they're right not to trust/expect better of themselves, or tells them they need to work harder on their rationalizations. Neither really helps you help that person.

And that's just assuming you have a real reason to worry. If you don't, trusting your friend will still go a long way toward a healthy relationship, and your own peace of mind.

My general philosophy on friendship and advice-giving is this: as a friend, it's your job to see someone make bad choices, maybe speak up *once* if it seems really, really important*, and otherwise listen, stick around, and offer some ice cream when it blows up in their face.

*Caveats naturally apply if they are right this second about to commit some kind of self-harm or something, but even then, I've found that this basic trust-but-show-you-care method is usually the best approach.