[ SECRET POST #2300 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2300 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 093 secrets from Secret Submission Post #329.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Am I the devil's advocate, here, or just the middle road?

[nyxelestia]

Okay, so, to the other commenters on here: we don't actually know what's going on with the OP or their friend. Maybe their friend is just really invested in fandom, or maybe they really do have an unhealthy obsession. Acknowledging the "maybe..." is one thing, but am I the only one a little disturbed by the fact half the people here are just jumping to conclusions about what's going on with the OP and their friend and assuming they're right?

To the OP:

As one of the very few reasonable commenters above said, there's really only so much you can do with your friend. Maybe try to encourage them, or at least let them know that you're getting a little uncomfortable with their obsession and you think they need to tone it down a little. You'd be surprised how often a simple, "I know [this thing] is awesome, but you need to tone it down before it consumes you and takes over your life, moderation and all that" can fix things right up, or at least put them on the right path - sometimes people are perfectly okay adjusting their behavior, they just don't realize that they are taking things too far and they don't know that they need to adjust. Be gentle but firm. If that doesn't work, then just set your own boundaries and/or slowly edge away from them, and let them obsess to their own peril. Unless the friend is somehow in your care, they are not your wellbeing, and there's only so much you can do for them before you have to step back to save yourself.

That said, do also try to put your friend's interest/obsession into context. It might be that it's the only hobby they have because it's the only one they have the time or resources for. If it's just your friend's only hobby, I wouldn't worry about it too much, but if it really is consuming your friend to the exclusion of other, important things (even if that other, important thing is just the understanding that someone might not be as interested in fandom as them), then yeah, I'd start to worry.

To everyone telling the OP to shut up:

It is, actually, possible to get consumed by fandom. It's one thing to love fandom, or for fandom to simply be your only hobby. It's another thing entirely to care about nothing but fandom, and to talk and think of fandom to the exclusion of everything else, and perhaps most worryingly, to obsess about fandom so much that you genuinely don't realize that someone you are talking to isn't interested or is even uncomfortable with what you are talking about. Talking a lot about fandom is okay, being unable to talk about anything but fandom is worrying.

I've seen both sides - people who are just really invested in fandom and don't have the ability to invest in other hobbies, and people who are truly obsessed to the point they can't really function in any context that doesn't connect to fandom and can't seem to figure out when someone they are talking to is getting bored or uncomfortable.

To, like, everyone:

Can we please stop jumping to conclusions about other people's lives based on only one or two details? Please?

Re: Am I the devil's advocate, here, or just the middle road?

[al28894]

THANK YOU!

You've put into words what I was trying to type for the past few minutes. Thank you. :)

Also,

Can we please stop jumping to conclusions about other people's lives based on only one or two details? Please?

Ugh, I wish people in general would follow this more closely.

Re: Am I the devil's advocate, here, or just the middle road?

[(Anonymous)]

To, like, everyone:

Can we please stop jumping to conclusions about other people's lives based on only one or two details? Please?

As one of the commenters above, this is actually kind of what I was trying to say (and I think I might have said, actually). It's possible that OP's friend has an actual problem, but based only on the information we have, there isn't cause to assume that. If there's more going on that the OP chose not to mention for some reason, then talk of the friend's interests being "unhealthy" might be warranted, but the only thing OP actually presented as an example of the friend's behavior was that they were "annoying" and talking about things OP isn't interested in. Based on those details, I'm surprised at the way everyone is jumping to the conclusion that the friend's behavior is something pathological.

Re: Am I the devil's advocate, here, or just the middle road?

[(Anonymous)]

No, we have three pieces of information - the two you said, and the fact that OP thinks that it is a real problem. Which isn't conclusive, but it's an important factor, I think.

Re: Am I the devil's advocate, here, or just the middle road?

[nyxelestia]

To be fair, 600x600 px isn't really all that much room to go into details, especially if you don't want the secret to turn into a giant wall of text. The stuff in the secret is a pretty decent summary for either direction.

Though personally, when I read "I told her it's annoying, and that she's saying weird stuff, but she won't listen", I assumed OP meant they were concerned about the friend's inability to realize that the person they are conversing with is either bored or even uncomfortable with what she is talking about, not that the OP themself was annoyed.

This is a problem I've actually encountered a lot in RL - people will get so deeply involved with something, they start to fail to realize that the people around them are uninterested or uncomfortable. Most of the time, just bringing it to their attention gets them to adjust, but I've also seen those who completely fail to comprehend that the rest of us aren't interested in what they are talking about or doing.

I'm in college so I mostly interact with these people at school, but this behavior does genuinely make me worry about how they are going to function in the 'real' world - especially since most of them also seem to have a lot of trouble with grades and such, which suggests that their obsession with fandom is eating into real-life obligations like schoolwork (which does not bode well for their ability to handle an actual job down the road). :(