fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2301 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2301 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Sorry for lateness, had internet issues.

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I say things in a way (blunt and kind of impatient) that would be fine with close friends, but come off as hurtful to casual aquaintences (spell check can't help me now), even if I don't mean it in a cruel way, I know that it doesn't matter because someone felt hurt by what I said.

how do I be a little kinder without losing my edge?

/this was rather conceited, wasnt it.

Stop saying blunt and impatient things.

it's hard when people take so long to get to the point or even keep a convo to a regular pace.

Aww, it worked in the preview. :(

What you're missing: Steve Buscemi says to Deal With It.

Because seriously. Deal with it.

i know, it's so hard not to be a jerk to people with different styles of communication. what am i a saint or something

Slow down and think about the shit that comes out of your mouth before it actually comes out of your mouth. Also, don't be so concerned about your "edge" if kindness is what you're going for.

Dude this. I almost went off on a different post on this page but before hitting submit, I pulled a Craig Ferguson and asked myself "Does this need to be said?" and "Does this need to be said by me?"

+1

Just think, you know. I do that all the time on here - either not say something at all because it's inflammatory, or go back and edit the inflammatory parts of a post, because, I mean, you get angry and you want to try to get back at people and you want to Show Them but you have to realize on some level that's not productive and it just leads to everything being shit.

+10000

If you're worried about your edge you don't really have it.

+100000

Also, "losing your edge"? Really?

I am the same way and I know how hard it can be to effectively communicate with people without alienating them. I still can't get it right most of the time. Lowering my volume a little and using adjectives has helped me to soften the emotional impact of my speech on others.

I go to public places where people hang out and talk in small groups, and I listen to how they communicate with each other and then try to mimic that. Obviously I haven't learned how to do this when typing yet.

Speaking more softly and using more adjectives is actually really great advice. Two simple and reasonably easy things to pay attention to.

I'm pretty much the same way. When I meet new people, I usually dial it back and every once in awhile, toss out something that is sarcastic or blunt to see how they react. If they react badly, then I kind of assume things won't work out because I don't know how to not be sarcastic or speak my mind. But if they laugh or agree or play off of what I said, then I know we're going to hit it off. It's all about testing the waters with new people. Just watch and see how they react to your sense of humor/personality.

Just a word of warning though: there is a difference between being sarcastic/a smart alec/blunt and being rude/cruel/mean. Just be careful of that fine line of tact and decorum. I know it's a fine line and sometimes it's hard to bite one's tongue, so remember to apologize if you say something the offends someone. The number of times I have put my foot in my mouth...

First, it's probably a good idea if you came to terms with the fact that being blunt and impatient is not the same thing as being edgy. Second, I'd try to let go of this desire to be edgy at all, because yes, it doesn't so much sound conceited as it does obnoxious.

Listen more than you talk, and think before you speak. If you start feeling impatient with people, try to remember that your friends almost certainly exercise a lot of patience and tolerance when they speak with you-- surely you should give others the same break.

[ SECRET POST #2301 ]

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