fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2327 ]

[ SECRET POST #2327 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2327 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

#14 is a moving .gif.

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[Sofia the First]

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[Once Upon a Time]

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[Tara Strong, John de Lancie]

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[Iron Man 3]

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[Cristiano Ronaldo]

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[BriTANick]

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[Teen Wolf]

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[Community]

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[Batman movies (Nolan)]

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[Nine Inch Nails]

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[Harry Potter]

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[Romeo and Juliet, 1968]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

15. [SPOILERS for Supernatural]

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16. [SPOILERS for Star Trek: Into Darkness]

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17. [repeat]

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18. [WARNING for suicide]

[Supernatural]

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19. [WARNING for non-con]

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20. [WARNING for dubcon]

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21. [WARNING for eating disorders]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #332.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OK so I know whenever the TMI threads come around, there are at least four or five people who are actually, legitimately, long-lived adults on Fandom!Secrets. I require your advice/assistance/general butt-kickings please!

I used to mercilessly mock any mention of "mid-life crisis" or "life re-evaluation" interviews with people (stuff like the folks who end up on My Weird House reality shows, people that pick up and move out to the woods with ten bucks and a shotgun (in the US anyway), I was all, "Pfffff, these people just can't suck it up and deal." Now I find myself in a place where I cannot suck it up and deal, but whoa, do I have to, right now.

So, tell me, please, what is the alternative to sticking my own fingers into my skull and twisting my brain around until it orients correctly? Because I'm, like, looking at real estate in Morocco, people, this is NOT a good thing!

So! My fellow F!S elders! If you are past the age of mumblety-something, how did you pull yourself out of your "I'm getting off this ride now and trying another one, kthxbai" mid-life mentality? Because I have worked WAY too hard to get to where I am in my life, to just chuck it all. But I really really really don't want to keep going in the direction I am going, which is basically a financially and professionally stable road to retirement...which should basically be everything I have ever worked to achieve in my life. I just can't hack the thought (for a variety of reasons) that said stable retirement might very well last all of, like, ten years, and I will be too old and/or too sick to enjoy and/or do the things I want to do NOW.

ARGH. HELP ME.

I'm 27. Hope that's old enough for you.

Talk to a therapist. Seriously. Everybody has doubts about where they're going in life and what they should do. You've worked hard and you're at a point where you're wondering if it's worth it. A therapist should be able to help you look at the situation objectively and figure out why you feel unsatisfied.

For what it's worth, my parents have been retired for twenty years and they're still doing things they want to do.

Hope that helps.

OP here

Mmmmhh, well, you're about twenty years too young, but thanks for the advice anyway. It's not an "I'm going crazycakes!" type of thing (if it were I would be able to shrug it off a lot easier, believe me), the annoying thing is that my brain is quite coldly calculating, "Okay, this isn't working, so here is plan B."

Thing is, plan A IS working, nicely. Ticking along. No complaints whatsoever. My brain, however, is insistent that plan A is NOT what I want for my future, either immediate or long-term. When it really should be.

I know exactly why I'm not satisfied, so a therapist would be a waste of money to tell me what I already know (a lot of death, disease, and general despair has been hitting both my immediate and extended family over the last five years or so), and that still won't go very far towards my brain stopping it's "CARPE DIEM BEFORE YOU'RE DEAD" at me.

Thanks, though. I'm glad your parents are enjoying their retirement.

Knowing exactly why your not satisfied is not actually a reason not to see a therapist. You're obviously having some issues dealing, doesn't matter if you know the reason or not. Therapy is not always about finding the source of the issue. In fact for a lot of people therapy is about dealing with an issue, not finding the reason behind it.

Therapists aren't just for crazycakes. They exist to help you figure out your problems and what you can do about them.

I still think you should talk to someone about your dissatisfaction.

OP

Replying to both of you here...unfortunately, such services are not available in my area. But thanks, though, I'll consider it. I'm not (quite) ready to jump on a plane and see where I end up, so it's not an emergency type situation yet...if it were, I would definitely seek help. Not discounting it. Just leaving that for a last resort / later option, if I can't get this straightened out on my own. Thanks though.

You're welcome. I hope things get better for you soon.

I am 30+ and of no help, I'm afraid. Because when I said "I'm getting off this ride now and trying another one" I ended up quitting my job and starting a new path in life. But then my job wasn't exactly a shining career path and I was miserable doing it, so probably a different situation to yours.

Maybe chat with a therapist or friends? Talking things out can help a surprising amount.

OP here. Good for you for starting a new career path, I'm glad it worked out for you!

As for me, I've done half a dozen things over the years, but have finally settled out into the job I always wanted, doing what I always wanted, so I really really really need to NOT stop the ride and get off. On the other hand, even though I love my job and have (for the moment anyway) job security, the thought of doing what I am doing for the next twenty years is...yeah not so inspiring. Especially when I could be spending those twenty years enjoying what should be the remainder of the prime of my life.....

I have also moved around a startling amount over the last two decades, and so don't have any stable, permanent friends; and my current circle of passing acquaintances are all, unfortunately, enabling of my take on it, likely because they (seem to) wish they had done the same thing at my age. (Current circle is all significantly older than me.)

My family, rightfully so, is horrified if I even broach the idea. And they're right of course, I'm not some flake who decides "I'm going to live in Turkey tomorrow!" and goes off with a backpack and a wad of euros or something like that; every move I have made in my life (with one or two exceptions) has been calculated to improve my lot in life, and that of my family's.

And, right now, plan B would do NEITHER. I mean, it would definitely improve the quality of my life, but it would only be a self-centred improvement. Which isn't very healthy at all.

Hmm, is there a way you could compromise with your steady sane career and your feelings of fleeing? Obviously I have no idea what you do, but could you do it remotely? Transfer to a new place? Maybe a little bit of change would help offset those feelings.

Maybe if you start a separate savings and start putting a little away now for crazy funtimes later it could help your mentality as well. Knowing that you're taking actions now so you'll definitely be able to do something?

By your family do you mean husband/wife and kids or siblings and parents? Because if you have a partner and kids that's a totally different situation. But otherwise I think it's perfectly okay to make self-centered improvements in your life. In the end wouldn't your family be happy that you're happy and have improved quality of life?

No SO and no kids, but I am the primary breadwinner in the household and taking care of both the house (which I would sooner jettison for all the trouble it's given me) and the ailing family member living IN the house. Which, needless to say, I am NOT going to jettison the house and leave my family member literally out in the cold.

Unfortunately, working remotely is not an option and transferring is not an option. I do take vacation time every year, and that does help, but that's about all I can save for (I don't make that much) due to responsibilities for aforementioned relative (which include financial).

I actually do have a good quality of life, and this is exactly what I keep telling myself, and this is what relatives would tell me, should I bring it up as a serious discussion and not just a "Yeah, this sucks, I should pack it all in," type of rhetorical discussion.

IDEK if it's so much "fleeing" as wanting to have a lot more control over my life than my steady, sane career, lets me have. When said steady, sane career, already lets me have WAY more control over my life than most. In the meantime it seems (especially with all that's gone/going on around me) as though time is slipping through my fingers. OTOH I don't particularly want to turn into a lazy bum that sits around and watches TV all day (or in my case, it would be sitting around in the great outdoors all day).

I mean, I want to DO stuff that requires I have a job that gives me the money to do it...but it has been the case, ever since I entered the workforce mumbletysome years ago, that when I have had the time, I haven't had the money (being between jobs/careers/laid off/etc.) and when I have the money, I don't have the time! Yeah yeah first world problems I know I know.

But there are still several countries in the world where I could take whatever money I had from selling everything off, and live like royalty for the rest of my days....The disadvantage being I am monolingual and NOT multi-talented, nor am I a good traveller.

Put all your professional skills to work for yourself. Think and research and plot out optional paths. Make pro and con lists and take an honest, searching look at each of the kinds of things you could do.

For example:

What if I aim for early retirement at age X and aggressively save so that I can take an optional path early?

What if I find meaningful outlets in my personal life which will meet some of these alternative needs while still following my career path?

What if I find a way to morph my professional career in a direction that would be more fulfilling - lateral move, same career but different company or location, etc.?

Best of luck, OP!

OP here

The lists and planning and evaluating options is exactly what I have been doing...although I shouldn't be doing that, because I shouldn't even be contemplating changing my life at all. (Thus you see my problem.) I am definitely doing the honest, searching, look bit, so thanks for that...at least I am partially on the right track?? As I indicated above I am not the type to follow through immediately on hasty decisions; not without at least a semi-solid game plan backing me up, anyway!

If I dumped all of my assets, I could retire as soon as I jettisoned everything, but the proceeds of such a wholesale sell-off would not last forever, and I would be dropped like a hot potato from the company pension. Plus, if I jettisoned everything, I would have...nothing...and so would have to start again. So it is a catch-22 definitely.

My job honestly is my dream job and I am not at all dissatisfied with it. I am just dissatisfied with the fact that I might not be able to enjoy the fruits of my job once it's over and done with, except for a very limited amount of vacation time each year. :-(

Hmmm. I'm not at an age where I could give you advice from personal experience, but from what you're saying here...it kind of sounds like you want a long vacation in a place that's very far away and/or different from where you are now. Maybe instead of buying real estate in Morocco, you could just visit for a week.

If you can't afford that sort of a trip right now or in the near future (like, within this year) consider planning for a major trip in the next five years or so. It will give you something to look forward to and hopefully address the feeling that you need to be doing something different with your life.

I do get in at least one serious vacation a year, but you are right about needing a LONG vacation part. I don't have either the time or the money for that right now....I don't know how likely it will be that I could have that within five years, either. :-(

IDEK if it's culture shock that I want, really. Just more of a sense of, I need to be reassured that I am not wasting what (little) remains of the only good years I will have in my entire life.....

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[ SECRET POST #2327 ]

Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!

Re: Hoary heads of F!S! Lend me your wisdom!