Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-05-20 06:46 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-05-20 06:46 pm
[ SECRET POST #2330 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2330 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 068 secrets from Secret Submission Post #333.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
mid-life anon still wants to change rides
(Anonymous) 2013-05-21 12:11 am (UTC)(link)So the time to get back into the grind has now arrived and. I. Am. Not. Doing. It. At least this is what I tell myself. I have yet to properly tell any of the other people it will impact. Though I am trying to leave it to the last minute in case (if miracles do happen) my brain manages to magically reorient itself between now and the start of the workweek. (It is not looking likely.) The mere mention of selling off one under-used asset has already had the relevant relative imploring me to wait a month...which, knowing said relative, will turn into another month and another month and another month. Never mind selling off the entirety. I have a good job, and it is a (fairly) stable job, and I enjoy my job. Or I did. I still want to turn my brain around and get back to the grind/suck it up and get on. But I ... just ... AAAGGHH. Yeah.
Three deaths in the immediate family in the last five years and one major illness (not mine, which is why I really do need to suck it up and not be so self-centred about this) and and and and and. The LAST thing I need to do to throw over everything I have fought tooth and nail to achieve. However. Stability and security is not looking so good right now, when it will mean the same thing for years to come, years which I may very well regret wasting away on, of all things, stability. Stability is not even looking STABLE right now honestly.
I. Just. I can't do it. I need to be able to suck it up but I just can't get my brain to agree with me. This is annoying (understatement of the century). I am not in a position of having any savings, and The Great Yard Sale of The Century probably wouldn't net me much to live on, unless I end up like one of those people who moves into the woods in a hand-built yurt made out of found cardboard or something.
Re: mid-life anon still wants to change rides
While I might recommend talking to someone in RL about the losses/changes in your immediate family (my condolences on those losses.), I get from your post that you are caught in the crosshairs right now and must make a decision to satisfy your dilemma.
Can you possibly gear yourself up to get back into the grind for a month (satisfying your relative's panicked request) and to allow yourself the chance to save/accumulate as much money as possible before chucking the whole thing for futures unknown? During that month, talk to someone face to face and try to determine if you are doing the "right thing" for you. If you can hold out for 30 days, it's a small enough span that you aren't losing anything and you'll know with more certainty what your own motivation and needs are.
Re: mid-life anon still wants to change rides
(Anonymous) 2013-05-21 02:51 am (UTC)(link)If I could hang on for a month, then I could see my way clear to sucking it up and getting on with getting on. I just cannot muster the motivation to face what looks to be my lot in life for the REST of my life (and then I may be too sick to enjoy it -- if I do not end up getting sick beforehand as so many around me have). Not for one month more, not one week more, Not. One. Day. More. I have hit the wall as far as that is concerned. But I cannot seem to convince my brain of otherwise. I don't WANT to be/feel this way is my issue.
IDEK. I will see what the dawn brings I suppose. Thanks to everyone for your responses, before, and now. :-(
Re: mid-life anon still wants to change rides
When recommending the 30 days, my thought was that you NOT look at it as some sort of prep for the rest of your life. That is too much. Take it one day at a time for those 30 days, stop thinking that you just need to suck this up.
You may very well need to leave the day to day drudgery behind. That may in fact be the right action for you. BUT not having any sense of control, any real plan, seems to bother you. A LOT. That is what makes this sound like some sort of manic episode, something outside your control and something deeply disturbing to your inner equilibrium. What I find troublesome about your post is that you are fighting the urge to just cut and run, to make a discerning choice and not a reactionary one. One day's effort to hang on to what you have and plan for what you need is a small price to ensure you are acting wisely to intolerable conditions and not reacting thoughtlessly to pressures that have built up over the past five years.
As a small self disclosure, I am closer to 50 than 40. I watched my mother's life end far too early from things that she could have controlled but didn't. I myself have gone back to college because, at this stage in my life, I can't bear the regrets I have from putting off my dreams to take care of everyone in my life. I totally get the drive to make changes, to fight what might just be genetic destiny, to do what I have always wanted to do.
Know that you can walk away when you need to but don't act rashly. Go to work for just one day. Find a RL confidante and get RL perspective. Feedback online, while helpfully meant, isn't a great replacement for sitting down and really talking this stuff out face to face.
Best of luck, whatever you choose. I truly wish you peace and happiness.