Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2013-05-30 06:47 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2013-05-30 06:47 pm
[ SECRET POST #2340 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2340 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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[DJ Qualls/Vanessa Lengies]
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[Resident Evil Revelations]
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[Teen Wolf]
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[Alice in Wonderland - Johnny Depp]
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 016 secrets from Secret Submission Post #334.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant
(Anonymous) 2013-05-31 12:18 am (UTC)(link)Second: Can you clarify this statement? something came up about me being bi and she made some comment about how I "wanted" her to not accept me, and that when I brought a girlfriend home, she would freak out because she knows that that's secretly what I want.
I'm not sure I follow what your mom was saying - was she saying that she would freak out if she actually believed that you liked girls but she doesn't care because she thinks you're a faker? Or is she saying that she would freak out because she thinks you want her to freak out and it would be part of some weird power struggle relationship you have going on? Or what? sorry, I didn't get what your mom was saying there.
Um the other thing I want to say is that it's possible that your mom is less homophobic and more just kind of a dick. I mean, the Chick-Fil-A stuff is whatever and obviously talking about girls faking it is some regressive dumbass bullshit, but it seems to me the problem is as much your mother acting kind of unempathetic and cruel towards you as much as it is about her possible dislike of homosexuals. I don't know if that's necessarily better or worse, but it seems like that's more the scene - this sounds like it's a very personal thing. How is your relationship with your mother generally?
Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant
Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant
(Anonymous) 2013-05-31 12:56 am (UTC)(link)Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant
(Anonymous) 2013-05-31 12:56 am (UTC)(link)In her mind, she's super open-minded/accepting/supportive (she has lesbian friends! and she's totally okay with them!) and would have zero issues whatsoever if I were to bring home a girlfriend, and that by bringing it up I'm the one trying to start drama/an argument. She claims that she thinks that I want the drama of her not accepting me. So basically what illiadandoddity said above. And I don't know if that's going to be her way of justifying doing what she actually wants to do when I someday do bring home a girlfriend ("well, of course I flipped out, I was only doing what you wanted!") or if she genuinely believes that I want the drama.
On your second point, that's entirely possible. It's weird because on the one hand she's said in the past that she thinks judging people for being gay/bi is the dumbest thing ever and why would people ever do that, etc., but at the same time I feel like she just... doesn't get it. She doesn't consider it part of your identity/who are but just "who you have sex with" and doesn't understand why anyone comes out because "no one has to come out as straight". She supports marriage equality and has never once said that being gay was bad or wrong or anything so maybe it's not overt homophobia so much as just... ignorance on the subject? I've tried to educate her as much as I can, and she's definitely a lot better than she was a few years ago, so maybe it's just something that's going to take time.
As for our relationship in general, for the most part it's good. She's someone who does not handle stress well at all and verbally lashes out at the people around her, and she's really stressed out right now so I guess that could be part of it. Also, I've admitted to her in the past that I enjoy debating in general and will argue pretty much anything for the hell of it so I halfway wonder if she thinks that's what I'm doing with this (though I've sworn I'm not) and is just... trolling me, essentially.
So I don't know. I guess really the only way to know for sure is to make her put her money where her mouth is and bring home a girl and see how she reacts when it's actually a reality.
Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant
(Anonymous) 2013-05-31 01:28 am (UTC)(link)it sounds like she is the type that does come around once she assimilates new information
also, by going easy on her, i mean try not to debate her as much, or at least not on serious topics
if she stresses and lashes out easily, she might feel like she must be in the defensive, even if she intellectually knows it's not necessary
keep trying to help her gently come around to the idea of you being bi, and just leave the struggle of wills aside, as much as you can
Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant
(Anonymous) 2013-05-31 02:51 am (UTC)(link)