[ SECRET POST #2340 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2340 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[DJ Qualls/Vanessa Lengies]


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[Resident Evil Revelations]


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[Teen Wolf]


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[Alice in Wonderland - Johnny Depp]


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 016 secrets from Secret Submission Post #334.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Homophobic mom? Not sure what to do/need to rant

[deenaa]

You said you don't want to completely cut her off, and that's understandable. However, maybe it would be beneficial for you to start just not engaging her when she says nasty things about your sexuality or things that upset you.

There's this big misconception people have where parents have the right to be as nasty and awful as they want and you have to sit and put up with it because you're their child. I've dealt with this personally (my father is an abusive jackass), and let me tell you there is nothing more liberating than rejecting that and taking control of how a person influences your life.

As an example, you could implement a warning system in your head. As an example, your mum says something hurtful, you reply with 'That's not true and really hurts my feelings. Please don't say things like that around me. ' She's now been warned. If she stops, great! If not, then suddenly you have to end the phone call/visit. Then, for at least the rest of the day (or longer! You can set any time limit you want), you don't respond to her. If she chucks a tantrum about it when you see her next, you're gone again. Rinse and repeat until she catches on.

The idea is to teach her to stop saying hurtful things if she wants you in her life, and it means that you don't have to stay around around her and get into an argument that makes everyone upset and you hurt a lot.

The other thing to do is stop trying to educate her UNLESS she comes to you first. Not only is she probably not listening, but this kinda thing is exhausting and emotional for you and only giving her more 'justification' to be rude.

This might seem mean or extreme, but lets keep in mind she makes you feel so bad about yourself that you're considering not dating women just because she might whinge about it. That's pretty awful, and needs to stop. You can't change how she acts or feels, but it is perfectly within your means to change how she acts around you.

Finally, a couple of things - if you change your mind and do decide 'fuck her', then that's okay. You don't own her your attention just because she means well, especially if she's hurting you.

The other thing is please considering building up some other people outside of your family for support. A therapist is not a bad option if her behaviour is affecting you adversely, but at the very least, some friends who can offer you undivided support and love when you need it.

I hope this helps, sorry if I've overstepped my bounds (I talk a lot >_>), and I hope everything goes well for you in the future!