fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2354 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2354 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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02.

[Kodomo no Jikan]

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[figure skating/Brian Joubert]

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[Stargate: Atlantis/ Sesame Street]

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[K project]

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[Teen Wolf]

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[Married...With Children]

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[Homestuck]

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[One Piece]

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[Game of Thrones]

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[Pokémon Black & White]

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[Phantom of the Opera 2004]

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[Iron Man 3]

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[Neverwinter Nights 2]

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[Almost Human/Total Recall 2077]

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[Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer]

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[Fire Emblem: Awakening]

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[A Bag of Hammers]

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[Without a Trace]

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[Big Bang Theory]

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[The Three Investigators]

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[Team Fortress 2]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - personal attack ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The other day I caught myself pondering my sexuality, something I don't normally think about. I've been thinking about setting up a profile on a dating site and what I would put in the profile info. I mostly fall under the asexual label, being that I don't give a shit about sex or having sex. But I thought "well, I don't want to put that because it's not like it's 100% off the table. I suppose once I get to know someone and get comfortable with them it could conceivably be something I'd be willing to try out." Because I have zero sexual attraction to strangers and really would never feel comfortable even thinking about doing something until I really knew someone and it would be handy to have a single word that could say all that instead of using a million vague words on a profile.

And that's when it hit me - this is probably exactly what "demisexuals" are talking about and goddammit no.

Maybe now you'll learn that demisexuality is an actual personal thing and not just an excuse for high-and-mighty people to shame others. Or maybe you'll remain a bigot and hate yourself for the rest of your life, which you would rightly deserve for your ignorance.

sa

Okay, that was harsh of me. I just have very little patience for people who scorn a legitimate sexual identity based on completely inaccurate notions that they refuse to reconsider. If you're not one of those people, I apologize, but your quote marks suggest that you are.

Why does it MATTER? You're attracted to who you're attracted to. It's not a particularly uncommon or strange way for people to feel or behave. Why on earth does such a thing even require a label, let alone merit so much venom?

da

Labels are a good way to give a short and to the point explanation of oneself/behaviour/feelings.

Why the hate against labels? It's just language and a way to describe something

I'll spare you a lengthy diatribe and just say it irritates me to see people waste large amounts of time and energy arguing over irrelevancies.

I'd suggest being open with it. Otherwise you might be stuck having to turn down a bunch of people who just want to hook up.

Is there any kind of Ace dating site? I'd be surprised if there isn't by now.

Can we please not, with the demisexual wank. Like most words for sexuality, the word's got nothing to do with what one is willing to do with people sexually and everything to do with what people they are able to be attracted to. Attraction, not behavior. That's all it is.

The word annoys me mostly because of the association. Just like Social Justice Warrior, privelige, and words like that. Which is too bad because functionally it's a very useful word to have but like other useful words online masses have made it's association useless.

Ditto.

I know demisexuality is a thing, but I think plenty of people claim to be it when they aren't. Sounds like thread OP is, though.

That's pretty much what I meant. I hate the association. Honestly a lot of the "asexuals" I've interacted with online are also part of the reason why I hesitate to use that label as well. In everyday life I don't because fuck if I care enough to label, but when it comes to things like dating sites you have to start thinking of these stupid things.

demisexuality wank aside, your best bet is probably to mark yourself as "asexual" and then decide if you want to try to have sex once you are actually dating someone you trust and if they're willing to give it a shot too

there will be far less misunderstandings and dashed expectations that way, I think

don't the majority of people not want to have sex until they know their partner. I think there is some kind of weird idea that the majority of people have one night stands and shit.

They may not WANT to have sex with the person but they can FEEL sexual attraction to them -- that is the difference.

Honestly, I think a lot of what this whole demisexuality thing talks about is to do with socialization of genders.

Boys generally grow up in a culture that tells them it's okay to be instantly sexually attracted to strangers, whereas with girls, we're taught that the process should involve romantic attraction, a crush, feelings, and only then sex. I don't think sexual attraction is always necessarily instantaneous or even noticeable when it is instantaneous - you don't get aroused the moment you see a person, though you might be attracted to them. How you process that attraction in your head, really depends. You might think "I want to fuck this person" or you might think "I want to get to know this person and see where it leads". So the attraction is there, but whether you consider it sexual or just potentially sexual or just as something you want to pursue further because who knows, that's all in how you process these things.

That's not to say guys or girls systematically process things a certain way but I think gender and gendered sexual behaviour as viewed by society has something to do with it.

this post was thoughtful and interesting, thank you

[ SECRET POST #2354 ]

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OP

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