fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2355 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2355 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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03. [repeat]

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[dangan ronpa]

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[Star Trek: Into Darkness]

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(Les Miserables, The House of Spirits)

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(The Scarlet Pimpernel)

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[Coupling]

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[Norma Bates from Bates Motel]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

31. [SPOILERS for Naruto]

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32. [SPOILERS for Defiance, Episode 7]

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33. [SPOILERS for Game of Thrones]

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35. [SPOILERS for OFF]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

36. [WARNING for rape]

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37. [WARNING for sexual abuse]

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38. [WARNING for rape]

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39. [WARNING for self harm, suicide]

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40. [WARNING for suicide]

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41. [WARNING for RL shootings, death]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #336.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...because my first thought when my girlfriend told me yesterday that we wouldn't be able to get together today after all was "Annnnnd now I have to wait even longer to break up with you". And I just feel so terrible because part of me is happy to have a delay because I'm really dreading having to hurt her feelings but another part of me is upset because I need to break up with her and this means that I'll be feeling this horrible anxiety about it for several more days. And I really want to do it in person because it just feels kind of shitty to do it over skype or text message. Jesus Christ, breaking up sucks I shouldn't even be in relationships because I can't handle this shit

I... I don't know. I think that's a legitimate thing to think under your circumstances? You obviously still respect her and care about her. You just don't want to let this go on any longer and you're worrying about dragging on and hurting her.

You seem like a good person to me.

Break ups suck. They always do. Just know you'll both get through it and doing it in person shows you're responsible and being mature about this.

I think you're being really hard on yourself. Want a hug?

Edited 2013-06-15 04:27 (UTC)

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I just can't help but feel badly though. My girlfriend has pretty horrible problems with depression and other issues (she sees a therapist and it definitely helps, but it only does so much) so there's also the fact that I don't want to aggravate that. Every day is different. On the one hand, I don't want to break up with her when she's at a low point because that just seems like kicking her when she's down. On the other hand, breaking up with her when she seems to be in a happy state would probably just send her spiraling downward. I know that I shouldn't hold myself responsible for her mental well being and that doing so isn't healthy for either of us but...whenever she's going through a rough time, we'll chat for a while and she'll talk about how talking to me is like magic and she really appreciates that I'm there for her and that she's never considered having a long term relationship before she met me. And it makes me feel a bit shitty that I'll be taking that away from her even though I know it will end up being best for both us.

I'm basically just vomiting my feelings at this point and I don't really expect anyone to reply to this but I do feel better talking about it

Feel free to ignore anything I say if you want. Since you replied to me I feel I should answer.

I know you feel like that because you care but trust me, you're actually doing her a bigger disservice by staying with her. She deserves someone who isn't bound to her by worry and fear. And you deserve someone who you don't have to fear and worry about. It's a sweet sentiment you have but here's the deal when it comes to things like this. It sounds cruel sometimes but you come first. You have to come first. You have to prioritize yourself, your own well-being, and your happiness. Yes, you care about her and you're obviously trying to make this easiest for her and that's great. It means you're not selfish and you're actually a great person. But when it comes down to it you can't harm yourself to help her when that's not what she's probably asking for. In a weird way, by hurting yourself you're hurting her too.

Letting things out does help. I'm glad you felt you could do that here. I hope things turn up for you, anon. And if you ever want that hug let me know.

I know you feel like that because you care but trust me, you're actually doing her a bigger disservice by staying with her.

Yeah, I know. Before she cancelled yesterday, I had been so sure of myself and I was completely confident that I was going to break up with her no matter what. But now that we can't see each other for a while (we're both too busy with work and family for the next few days and she lives an hour away) I guess it let the doubt creep back in. I know I have to do it soon somehow though because she's going on vacation with her family next week for a couple of weeks and if I don't do it before she leaves then I may literally go insane. I really hope we can see each other before then, but if we can't then I really might have to do it over Skype which isn't my ideal plan at all. But I guess that's still probably better than letting her think everything's okay for another few weeks.

I appreciate the hug and that you've been listening

You're mostly there, but there's the push. If you can't meet next time, just do it. Even if it's over the phone. Even if it ruins her vacation.

You have started a process that will make it worse and worse each time, till you either explode and actually are a complete dick in the process, or you give up and you become the depressed one.

Also, get ready to block her number if you do it over something like that. She's more likely to try to call you a million times. Which does suck. But trust me, when you cut it off, cut it off completely.

I would go with

insanenoodlyguy's advice. It has to be done. Each time you give up it makes it that much easier to give up next time.

No problem, anon. That's what I'm here for. I really do hope it all works out for you.

Oh man, I feel you, anon. It sucks to hurt someone's feelings, especially when you still care about them but the relationship isn't working any more. And good on you doing it in person, since that seems to be feasible.

But don't jump on excuses to keep putting it off. It *sucks*, but sticking around in a relationship you know is over to avoid hurting them? actually the worst idea. I know, I did it for *months*. To the point where I semi-intentionally did something pretty shitty to him. Don't do that. Wait to do it in person, but not too long.

But good luck! And internet hugs!

Fair enough, dragging out the waiting for something you dread is never fun. Good luck anon!

[ SECRET POST #2355 ]

I Officially Feel Guilty

Re: I Officially Feel Guilty

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Re: I Officially Feel Guilty

Grow a pair

Re: I Officially Feel Guilty

Re: I Officially Feel Guilty

Re: I Officially Feel Guilty